Slice Field by Tooru Nishimura

I am a catepillar

I am eating green Words that I do not even want to eat

And that every single day

Nobody would notice

The dreams will die as you keep eating dirty feed

And becomes a russet-colored huge Moth, someone said long time ago

But I did not believe

Because I still have a dream

I'm holding it carefully and carefully with both my hands and sleeping with, every night

Sliced skin between the fingernails and the noise of ear chopped off

Just a tiny moment in the afternoon to meet myself

I do not feel empty

Because I do not want to forget

What colored butterfly am I right now?

I hope I look like a beautiful butterfly as you do

I open my russet- colored wing so wide

And talk to you butterflies

What color is your wing?

Facts about Tooru Nishimura that might help you understand the Poem:

Tooru's stage name is Kyo and he is the singer of heavy metal band Dir en grey. He is known for his depressing view on the world. He doesn't trust people, don't really like his fans and is fascinated by violence. He isn't a violent person at all and is very much against it but he sees a morbid beauty in it. 

The line "Sliced skin between the fingernails and the noise of ear chopped off" refers to himself. In 2004 he lost hearing for a while and his left ear never fully recovered so he still has reduced hearing on it. The skin under the nails is another thing of his. He was known for his stage performance which including cutting himself with razors, hitting himself in the head with his mic till he started bleeding or fish hooking his cheek which can be dangerous. He has said that the more blood he sees on himself after a concert the more he feels he has given of himself. Scratching his chest has been the thing he kept the longest. He would really scratch his chest till he was bleeding, hence skin under the fingernails. ( he doesn't do it anymore. He gradually stopped hurting himself and doesn't do it much at all anymore.

The only thing he wants in life is to sing. It is all that matters to him. These days he has passed 30 years of age and smiles a lot more (I think he finally found some happiness) but back then he just hated everything and didn't often lied at interviews just because he didn't see it was anyones business to know what he felt.

He sounds depressing but he has been an insiration to me because he always says that He rather be true and sound awful than sing beautifully and be fake. I had a lot of confidence issues when I was younger and I listened to his music and told myself it was okay I wasn't like others because I can just be me and as long as I stand by who I am noone can really say anything. I guess that is the part of Alex I identify with the most. I am me and you can't take that away from me.