≫ Title [ 3/ 5 ]

The capitalizing is alright. But I think it’d be better to leave the ‘one’ and proceed with That Nerd but that’s my opinion so feel free to disagree.

≫ Poster and background [ 2.5/ 5]

You just put a picture of Gikwang as the background and poster .Having just one picture is alright, I guess since it kinda fits with the title, but the background is tiled and it’s kind of distracting.

≫ Description/Foreword [6/ 10]

Personally, I think the font you used is too big. For the author’s notes, it’s better to use a font that is one size (or two) smaller than the one you used in your summary so that it doesn’t look too packed. It’s pretty obvious how your story is going to turn out from the looks of your description. I think it’d better if you don’t give much away on your description. And please make the picture you use in your foreword/description smaller.

≫ Content and main plot [ 10/ 20]

I don’t see a lot of content in your story. The main plot isn’t very interesting either. There’s nothing wrong with clichés as long as you do it in your own style but I don’t see it in this story. This story is like the expansion of the Beautiful MV and I’m not very fond of stories that are written exactly like the mv. The parts that you wrote by yourself are fine but I can’t say the same for the others.

≫ Basic Grammar/Spelling [7/ 15]

There were a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes. You keep mixing up your tenses, going back and forth from past to present tense. I see a lot of typos too (either that or it’s a mistake on choosing the words, I can’t really tell). I corrected some of your mistakes in the first chapter below.

Original: After a few minutes the teacher left, you quick left too.

Corrected: After a few minutes, the teacher left and so did you.

Original: Yoseob and Dong woon, was holding him. 

Corrected: Yoseob and Dongwoon were holding him.

Original: Then you toke a bath, did your homeworks and went to bed.

Corrected: Then you took a bath, did your homework and went to bed.

Overall, I don’t see much problem in forming sentences since most of them are pretty alright but you really need to read what you wrote again because there might be some mistakes that you overlooked.

≫ Writing style [4/ 10]

I am really not fond of your writing style. It is very straight-forward and too fast to actually enjoy the story. You also mixed paragraphs and dialogues in the story and that really puts me off. Also, I’d rather you give the ‘you’ character a name so that you don’t have to write the word ‘you’ all the time. Please refrain from using really big fonts for writing because this downgrades your story’s appearance and makes it harder to read your story.

Here’s a little bit of advice: I noticed that you would put a first person’s point of view at the end of every chapter. Why not write it in a diary form? I think that would be more interesting for your readers :)

≫ Flow of the story [5.5/ 10]

The flow of the story is a bit too fast to my liking. There were parts that you omitted out when you could have created a cute scene between them and slowly let the relationship build and make it so that your readers can see it. Try using the ‘show, don’t tell’ concept.

≫ Entertainment level [3/ 10]

I’m sorry to say that I didn’t really enjoy reading your story. I felt it was a little too reminiscent of BEAST’s Beautiful MV and not quite original. The fact that you used all that pictures and the big font in your chapters are very distracting.

>>Bonus [2/5]

 

Overall: 43/100 

Reviewer’s Note: I’m sorry this review is kind of harsh on your story. And the fact that I finished this late doesn’t help either. But I believe every writer has the potential to improve his/herself so keep on trying :)≫ Title [ 3/ 5 ]

The capitalizing is alright. But I think it’d be better to leave the ‘one’ and proceed with That Nerd but that’s my opinion so feel free to disagree.

≫ Poster and background [ 2.5/ 5]

You just put a picture of Gikwang as the background and poster .Having just one picture is alright, I guess since it kinda fits with the title, but the background is tiled and it’s kind of distracting.

≫ Description/Foreword [6/ 10]

Personally, I think the font you used is too big. For the author’s notes, it’s better to use a font that is one size (or two) smaller than the one you used in your summary so that it doesn’t look too packed. It’s pretty obvious how your story is going to turn out from the looks of your description. I think it’d better if you don’t give much away on your description. And please make the picture you use in your foreword/description smaller.

≫ Content and main plot [ 10/ 20]

I don’t see a lot of content in your story. The main plot isn’t very interesting either. There’s nothing wrong with clichés as long as you do it in your own style but I don’t see it in this story. This story is like the expansion of the Beautiful MV and I’m not very fond of stories that are written exactly like the mv. The parts that you wrote by yourself are fine but I can’t say the same for the others.

≫ Basic Grammar/Spelling [7/ 15]

There were a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes. You keep mixing up your tenses, going back and forth from past to present tense. I see a lot of typos too (either that or it’s a mistake on choosing the words, I can’t really tell). I corrected some of your mistakes in the first chapter below.

Original: After a few minutes the teacher left, you quick left too.

Corrected: After a few minutes, the teacher left and so did you.

Original: Yoseob and Dong woon, was holding him. 

Corrected: Yoseob and Dongwoon were holding him.

Original: Then you toke a bath, did your homeworks and went to bed.

Corrected: Then you took a bath, did your homework and went to bed.

Overall, I don’t see much problem in forming sentences since most of them are pretty alright but you really need to read what you wrote again because there might be some mistakes that you overlooked.

≫ Writing style [4/ 10]

I am really not fond of your writing style. It is very straight-forward and too fast to actually enjoy the story. You also mixed paragraphs and dialogues in the story and that really puts me off. Also, I’d rather you give the ‘you’ character a name so that you don’t have to write the word ‘you’ all the time. Please refrain from using really big fonts for writing because this downgrades your story’s appearance and makes it harder to read your story.

Here’s a little bit of advice: I noticed that you would put a first person’s point of view at the end of every chapter. Why not write it in a diary form? I think that would be more interesting for your readers :)

≫ Flow of the story [5.5/ 10]

The flow of the story is a bit too fast to my liking. There were parts that you omitted out when you could have created a cute scene between them and slowly let the relationship build and make it so that your readers can see it. Try using the ‘show, don’t tell’ concept.

≫ Entertainment level [3/ 10]

I’m sorry to say that I didn’t really enjoy reading your story. I felt it was a little too reminiscent of BEAST’s Beautiful MV and not quite original. The fact that you used all that pictures and the big font in your chapters are very distracting.

>>Bonus [2/5]

 

Overall: 43/100 

Reviewer’s Note: I’m sorry this review is kind of harsh on your story. And the fact that I finished this late doesn’t help either. But I believe every writer has the potential to improve his/herself so keep on trying :)