I hate her. I hate her so much that it doesn't hurt anymore. No more pain. No more feelings towards her. I try, and try. I try to talk. I try to connect. I try to emote. But all I get is blank. That’s it. She never does anything. She’s STONE cold towards me. And it’s not fair. You would think that someone would love her daughter. Somehow. You would THINK. But I can NEVER EVER be loved by her. She’s a monster, incapable of love. She never praises me. I will never get her attention. Do you want to hear a story? A sad story that will make you think twice about her? Okay, picture this. A girl, a pretty smart girl who is very thick. She decides to enter into a school for smart people. She thinks she wont get in. However, she goes and takes the test anyways and tries her hardest. Even though she’s not the smartest girl ever. She’s never even been to tutor for GOD’S SAKES! But she gets a letter. She got in. She got into the school. However, it’s the second one down, so, not the best school, but the second best. She screams and shouts, and yes, cries. But her father tells her to shut up. Her mother has a mask on. Her face is blank. “Congratulations.” Is all she says. She doesn't even smile. The girl is heartbroken. She can’t believe it. She tells her friends and they’re all happy for her. At least some people are.

 It’s a couple weeks later now, the girl gets another letter. She got a late offer. It’s to the school. The best school in her city. Once again she makes a fuss. Once again she gets told to shut up. Once again she gets shut off. It turns out that the school is about 45 mins from her house. Her mother doesn’t stop pestering her about how she’ll have to wake up early to get to school. The girl says she understands, but again and again she gets told of how hard it will be to commute to school next year. But there is still no words of congratulations. None at all.

That girl is, of course, me. And it pisses me off. I’m moving to one of the best schools in Melbourne next year, and yet that isn’t happy or smiling. I just, don’t know what to do. It makes me angry, of course it does. It makes me angry to have strangers come up and congratulate me, and then have my mum constantly tell me off. It’s as if she doesn’t want me to go. I need help. I WANT help. What would you do in this instance?

What would you do if your mother hates you? What would you do if she wasn’t proud of you, even in these circumstances. Now, I think you can see why my fanfics are always angst. Because that’s what I’m surrounded by. I know that when I speak to you, it might seem that I’m the happiest person in the world, but I’m not. Usually, I don’t like to burden others with this type of thing, but it’s too much now. It’s just…too much.

Of course, I’m not going to go and kill myself now. No. My life outside of my house is wonderful. It as soon as I get back into this hellhole that I feel as if no one loves me. And that no-one is proud of me.

This is why I want to say thank you. To all of you. Thank you for your support of my stories, for posting on my wall, for allowing me to add you as a friend. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.