I forgot how it feels like, to have a happy birthday.

Recently all my birthdays end with me in tears.

This year is no exception.

I feel sorry for those who wished me 'happy birthday' only to have me, NOT being happy

Its like I'm wasting their wish.

They should save them for peple who would actually be happy.

I'm bawling my tears out as I type.

So alone on the most important day of my life.

The family torments me the most on this day.

I'm the most vulnerable on this day, the most depressed, the most suicidal.

Who knows, one day I might be brave enough to take my own life in pure rash action.

I'm useless anyway.

I'll never reach my dream anyway,

I'll never be loved,

I"ll never be free,

until I truly am free, mind, soul and body right?

Taemin-oppa, I guess I'll never see you in this lifetime. I was looking forward to it too >^^<