Two
Sometimes when I wake up again I cry/ Not because I’m depressed or anything, but just because I’m a little scared about everything. It seems like life is going too quickly for me and it hurts. I am being pushed to make decisions that I’m not ready to make yet and it’s worrying because I shouldn’t be making uninformed decisions that will affect the rest of my life, when all I want is to be happy rather than be rich. On the contrary to what my father says, I couldn’t care less about money because how will I get happiness from a mundane job that I really don’t engage with? I am obsessed with other cultures and languages and they make me smile, at just the thought of analysing something so, ultimately, foreign, both in the sense of location and nature. It’s amazing, and I will be able to immerse myself in something that is so alien to me, and yet never fully commit to it- so that I will always be in touch with mine. I feel this is the key to keeping my fascination, by keeping the foreign things foreign. I long to learn about them, and become a part of them, though, which is a complete contradiction of what will benefit my mental health.
I find that as soon as something becomes something you have to do, it completely loses its appeal and becomes something I loathe. Now that I’ve finally found what I love, I really hope this doesn’t happen.
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