What Happened If EXO's Members Have Twitter Accounts ?

review by --pastels ; story by PastelClover

1. Title 3/5
   • Your title isn't the most intriguing because it has the "what happened" in front, but It's plenty unique and that's appreciated. Also, you capitalized the words, which most writers don't do, so that's also a good thing.
2. Story poster/bg  10/10
   • I have to say, your poster + background is very neat and pleasing to the eyes. It's simple and yet lovely at the same time.
3. Foreword + description 6/10
   • You ask a lot of questions in your description, and you also bolded it. For your foreword you might want to label it "Author's Notes" and then go on.  Usually I don't like it when authors use different colors in their stories, but I guess the dark green color you used fit in and wasn't really sticking out. Also, the things listed in your description never ever happened. It was just a way to gain readers, and nothing bad happened to the members because only three members had twitter accounts.
4. Plot 14/20
   • In the beginning, there was a plot when D.O needed to have more followers than Kai. But then, after D.O won, the plot started to die out, and it was just a fan conversation in the chatroom.
5. Characterization 7/10
   • You didn't do the greatest job on characterization, but I guess you did an okay job because you didn't follow exact protocol. For example, Kris doesn't know what a dragon is, Sehun doesn't recognize his lisp, Xiumin doesn't know people call him baozi, etc. etc.
6. Originality 3/5
   • This part is kind of off, because many fanfics probably thought of EXO members having social networking. Also, you used the common fact that the members have a secret account they log into so that they can disguise as a fan.
7. Flow 8/10
   • The story went a little fast for my interests, and in 3 chapters, the plot was finished. The winner was already determined. I think that you could've added more plot events, but I guess since you're still writing you can add more.
8. Grammar + spelling /20
   • Right away, there's a lot of mistakes. First, don't capitalize the things you want emphasis on. Instead, bold them or use italics to get your point across. It's immature if you capitalize, and it comes off too strong. Second, your grammar is stiff and awkward. Even though the grammar isn't too bad (I've seen worse), it can still be fixed. For example:
     • "D.O. doesn’t know it and uses his account to ask"
       • You can change it to, "D.O didn't know so he used his account to ask." Since you use past tense for all the following paragraphs, you shouldn't switch over just for this sentence.
     • "He clicked the submit button and redirected to the main page"
       • "He clicked the submit button and was redirected to the main page."  You're missing the linking verb between 'and' and 'redirected'.
     • "Sehun peeked and the screen and growing interest"
       • "Sehun peeked at the screen with growing interest." You shouldn't always use 'and' but instead should explore your possibilities, because it's very probable that the other ones will work better.
     • "The maknae look down at D.O."
       • You changed tenses again. In the beginning, you used present tense, then past tense, and now present again. Always be consistent with whatever tense you end up using.
     • "D.O. immediately opened EXO’s official fansite and enter the chatroom"
       • And now you changed tenses within one sentence. "D.O immediately opened EXO's official fansite and entered the chatroom."
9. Overall enjoyment 4/5
   • It was fun reading it, once I strayed away from the capital letters, extreme use of exclamation points, and the stereotyping of the fans. It did cause me to chuckle at some times, so I guess your goal of 'comedy' worked out after all.
10. Bonus points 4/5
    • I guess I'm giving you bonus points for the fairly neat foreword and your overall try at the story. Even though there was little plot and it was developed very fast, I suppose it depends on the author's plans for the story and how much you want to write.

• Total: 76/100

1. Author's Note
   • Thanks for requesting + don't forget the credit !! Good luck on your story !