it's been 3 years since i've heard that question. It's been 3 years since the last time i've talk to her. It's been 3 years and yet i still couldn't forget her.

 

That Girl... Ani... That woman who captured my heart.

 

That woman with sweet and innocent lecture. That woman with caring and loving nature. That pure, demure, mature woman. That woman whom i want to be mine for the rest of my life. That woman, Seo Joohyun, you got that right the SNSD maknae, the member of the nation's girl group, my ex-wife, well technically my onscreen wife, Seohyun.

 

I still remember our first meeting. It was stunning and well... Umm... Awkward. I remember when she came to the MBC lobby. I was stunned 'coz i can't believe that my wife is none other than Seohyun, a member of the nations' popular girl group. ( ok i sound like a broken record). I was really mesmerize by her. She looks like an angel walking inside that building.

 

Also i still remember when Jungshin pretended to be me and let her choose among us. That's really funny. Doing those stuff inside the lobby was quite strange you know.

 

I remember when she chose me among the members. That's really unpredictable. I was stunned and suddenly my heart skip a beat at that time but i just laugh it off.

 

All the memories of that night is still in my mind. It seems like it just happened yesterday. Well in fact it happened 3 years ago. 

 

I learn so much about her that night. She even change my perspective about this industry, about life. I learn that kind-hearted person is always be a winner.

 

It was really unforgettable meeting. What's make it unforgettable is when she asked me

 

" what is the difference between like and love?"

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.

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That question still lingered in my mind. What is like and what is love? What is there real difference?

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Time passed by and it was about time to part ways, our show was already ended. 

 

That night i never let the chance just passed by. I asked her the question she asked me before. She even answered " like is having a good feeling about someone, while love is having a good feeling about someone 100x better." I knew then she understand what love and like means. She even put it into a figures of speech "Liking someone is like a dandelion seed on the ground it was soft and has a good feeling while love is a dandelion seed on the same ground it grows and sprout. Because a dandelion is spotted and can be gone. But in oder for it to become a flower, you have to give it a water and block it from the wind because it's precious."

 

After i hear that answer i can't help but smile. It seems like you learn the difference and you what Seo Joohyun, i also learn the difference between love and like.

 

After the show, we go on separate ways. We have our lives on our own but somehow i wish for us to continue our closeness because i really want to know you more and be with you more, because Seo Joohyun i think i like you.

 

On our last day i gave you a bouquet, a guitar and a letter. I did all my best to tell you how much i like you. Every word i said, everything i did I mean all of it. That letter i gave you, i hope you read it. That letter is my heart, my thoughts and my feelings for you.

 

As time passed by, i hear nothing about my confession. We never see each other that much nor talk to each other maybe because of our busy schedule i understand that but the more we did not see each other the more i'm longing to see you. I like to see you, to talk to you, to hear your stories even your nagging. Well i really like you that's why.

 

Our busy schedules went on. Even though we don't have time to talk to each other i'm still updated to the latest happening in your life. Everything. Each time I see you, each time I hear things about i can't help but to feel happy because i know you're fine.

 

I've watch every variety show, every cf, every performance you. I sound like a creeper i know. But that's the only way to be closer to you.

 

Onetime at our dorm i was randomly switching channels when i saw you in Star King. You were being asked if it is possible for you to be in love with me? And you answer it with an X. A part of me understands why did you do that but another part of deny the fact. A part of me wants to be mad at you and a part of me was hurt and broken on what i saw.

 

Wait did i say hurt? But why? We're just ex- virtual couple. I just like her but it was just a mere crush right? but no more than that. Well... I guess? But why am i feel like this? By any chance... Nah! It's impossible. But ...Aish!! What's happening to me!!

 

Oh... Good i'm crazy now. 

 

I ruffled my hair! Aish... Seo Joohyun what did you do to me?

 

I closed my eyes and ruffled my hair once again. Before i knew it tears escape to my eyes. Tch... What's this? Ahh... Chincha!! Jung Yonghwa stop these nonsense you're so gay!! Aish!! Why are you crying?! Is it because of that dang answer?! I lean my head against my arms and i let out a scream "ahh... Jeongmal!." Then a little voice inside my head said maybe you are in love with her. 

 

It hit me could it be? Aniya... It's impossible right? Then i hear someone said "Aniya... It's possible pabo hyung." Then i look up and saw Jonghyun, Minhyuk and Jungshin the latter two looking at me with worried expression and the other one just look at me with his usual expression. 'Am i too loud?'  I thought. Then Jonghyun answered " yes hyung you are." Jungshin answered. Does that mean they heard everything? Ah... Issonge!!

 

" Tell us hyung what bothers you?" Minhyuk said.

 

Then i tell them what bothers me. Having a pep talk with these three made me realize i indeed am in love with Seo Joohyun.

 

I sigh as i lay down on my bed thinking all the moments we had. I was thinking what the three had told me. 

 

Should i tell her? What if she doesn't love me back? It will hurt and i don't know if i can be ok after that. What am I gonna do? Aish!!

 

Months had passed since i realize my feelings for her. We kinda see each other in music programs. We never talk aside from the hi's and hello's. i notice she's more blooming and dashing everytime i see her. It's seems like she's really happy in her current situation. I feel happy seeing her like that but at the same time i feel hurt seeing her. I felt like she was happy without me in her life, afterall i'm just her partner in a variety show.

 

Months turn into another year, i'm in Japan right now with my band. One night i was browsing in the internet and i decided to look for latest update about you. I was anxious when i found out the rumor about you and the Super Junior sunbaenim maknae, Kyuhyun hyungnim. Then the events from the past year flooded in my mind. Maybe he's the reason why you're happy huh? Seohyun-ah.

I turn off my laptop and lay down in the bed of mine and Jonghyun's hotel room. 

 

I closed my eyes and those events keep on coming back. Tears form in my eyes, i cried. It hurts knowing that i'm not the one for you. It hurts that you found someone while i'm here crying for you. 

The door burst open and i saw Jonghyun enter our shared room. He approach me and gave me an apologetic smile. He didn't say a word because he knows i already knew what he was going to say.

 

After that incident i have decided, i will forget her and move on. 

 

after our stay in Japan we came back to Korea. I feel much better now but i'm still hurt and i'm still hoping that she will love me back. After that we prepared for our comeback here at least i will not see you for a few months before the comeback.

 

 

One morning manager hyung approach me and told me if it's ok for me to replace Taeyon and Tiffany in Music core along side with Hyoyeon and Seohyun. I want to refuse because seeing you means killing myself but then a part of me wants to see you. Before i know it i already said yes to my manager. Ahh!!! Pabo!!! Speaking before thinking. Jeongmal!! I have no choice aish... 

 

The day of the music core had come. We're on the studio and we're about to start. I greeted everybody including her, she just smile at me, that's what i expect her to answer. Better ready now so we could be done early. We did what we are told to do. We do our part and ad libs for the introduction of songs. We do good until she ask about love confession. Being me, i told them (Hyoyeon and Seohyun) about writing a letter and i accidentally brought up the letter thing in WGM particularly the last filming. Pabo Yonghwa! Then she just shrug and told everyone she already forgot it. I was shock but i never let anyone see it. So she really have forgotten about it huh? 

After the broadcast we have to go backstage to our dressing room. Idols were allover the  backstage, greeting, chatting and joking around. Then i spotted her silently walking back to their dressing room. I already made up my mind i'll let her go and i'm gonna tell her that. I went after her and called her name. "Seohyun." She stop walking and turn to my direction. "Deh, Yonghwa-ssi?" I ignore her statement as i spoke " Seohyun...ani... Seohyun-ssi i just want to tell you that you should forget what i said in my letter before the one i gave you on our last filming if you still remember that, that's all anyeong" Then i walked away from her. What i said really hurts me but i don't have a choice but to do it for the sake of us both.

 

Time flies since then, i'm no longer the Yonghwa people used to describe as glowing, bright and happy-go-lucky person. I never mention Seohyun in a broadcast nor talk about something related to her. I even changed my ideal type so people won't talk about it. I feel bad because netizens were bashing her thinking she must done something horrible to me but i can do anything i already bowed to myself that i will not going to interfere her.  

News about her and Kyuhyun- hyungnim were spreading and their fans keep on increasing day by day. I could be careless but there still a part of me caring for that. Well i still believe i will eventually forget that.

So after what had happened i often lock myself into my room doing music to forget the rumors, Kyuhyun-hyungnim and you. The three dongsaengs were my witness. They were so worried about me cause i'm drowning myself in making music and work well i become more busy especially now that i'm my label mate's producer. Yes you heard that right i'm a producer, juniel's producer to be exact. 

 

As i said i become busy to think about her but one day after of my and juniel's performance in music bank, I saw her with Super Junior and SNSD sunbaenim. She looks happy and contented. I don't know what i'm feeling when i saw that scene, her laughing along side with her label mates while Kyuhyun hyung patted her in the back and place his arms on her shoulders. Suddenly i felt a hand on my shoulder. It was juniel, she smiled at me and she softly speak "Oppa, if you don't to regret things forever then take a risk fight for what you love, give all your best to get what you want if you succeed then treasure it forever and if you don't be thankful and happy at least you give your best for something that is worthy."

 

She just smiled and said "good work oppa." And left, leaving me in the state of shock.

 

I went home thinking about what Juniel's words. Maybe she's right. Aigoo... That kid when did she become so intelligent *sigh* someday i will thank that midget for her words.

 

------

 

Another year has end and another year has start. CN Blue were preparing for another comeback. They were busy because today is the day of their comeback performance in music bank. They are so nervous at the same time they are delighted to see their beloved fans. This year SNSD and CN Blue will perform in the music bank and competing against each other. It is sure a one big competition but for Yonghwa it is an opportunity, 

 

Opportunity of what? 

 

Opportunity of getting what he loves. After that incident and Juniel's sudden words, Yonghwa decided to give everything a chance you know, trying to win Seohyun again. He is not sure that he will get her i the end but at least it is worth of trying. Dang that midget's word. As much as he admit the midget is right. So here he is seeking for opportunity.

 

Weeks had passed since SNSD and CN Blue's comeback. Yonghwa never failed to be either stand beside her or make an eye contact with her and greet her on stage, you hear that on stage!! With camera's and all. 

 

This week is the SNSD's goodbye stage in music bank. Everyone is anticipating who will be the number one, everyone is sad because they won't see the girls perform again, yes everyone especially Jung Yonghwa. 

 

As the show goes on everyone were getting anxious to see their idol and to know who will be the weekly winner but for Yonghwa, he's anxious to make this day memorable. An hour and 30 minutes flies so fast and it's time to announce the weekly winner who turns out to be CN Blue! Yey! Cheers will be heard. They were given a chance to speak and thank everyone. Tiffany and Yoona gave something to Yonghwa. He smiles know that little pony toy the two gave him is the toy hanging on his love's outfit. 

 

Everyone congratulate them when suddenly Yonghwa receive a hard tap from none other than Seo Joohyun. 

 

After the encore and before the start of CN Blue's next schedule, Yonghwa and the boys were walking in the backstage hallway. Again idols were there chatting and greeting and congratulating them. The boys answer them with a sincere thanks.

As they walk to their dressing room they spotted SNSD outside the door next to their dressing room. The girls greeted them and congratulating them, all except to Seohyun.

 

After all the teasing the members of both group decided to go in their dressing rooms except the two. It was silent without her unnies and his dongsaengs. No one dared to speak they are just standing there in silence until Seohyun spoke " umm... Congratulations." Yonghwa smiled to her shyness and told her " Gomawo Seohyun." Then it was all quiet again no one dared to speak until Yonghwa decided to break the silence. " Seo Joohyun, i want to tell something." Seohyun just at him in the eye then he continued. " Seohyun ah i just want to tell you my answer to your question 3 years ago about what is love and like. For me, liking someone is just a temporary thing you like a person because of his or her good attributes and in liking someone tends to be greedy and selfish while loving someone is all about making sacrifice, taking risk. being selfless and willing to make someone happy even it meant to hurt the the other and that what i learn in loving you all these years. Seohyun-ah i know this is a sudden but i want to tell you this. I don't meant any harm i just want you to know and i don't force you. To answer my confession nor love me back. I'm willing to wait for you and to be with you in the right time." After he said that, Seohyun just stand still and look at Yonghwa's eyes. Then he bid goodbye walk to his dressing room. Though he did not get the answer right away but he's willing to wait even if it takes forever. 

 

That is love...