Maybe, it is wrong to feel this way but I have gotten through a lot even though I don't express it with my facial expressions or my mood because I am simply the type to held in my feelings and cry whenever I get too mad instead of shouting or punching a wall (sometimes). I feel bad about writing this but I figured that I needed to let this out.

In the past few weeks or maybe even months, I have a friend called Vivien, it's not her real name because I don't want to humiliate her more but Vivien, she's been extra annoying and becoming the type of girls who would pick boys over her friends. She has an ex-boyfriend who is the same year as us and during break time in our school, whenever her ex-boyfriend doesn't skip class, she would looked over to him and his bestfriends who she is quite close to as well. I mean it's fine to look at him but it's not fine to look at him while we are talking to you. It's just plain rude. Another one is in Friday, it was the last day of school and during break time (again), she ditched us for her ex-boyfriend's bestfriend, one of my friend name Rina (not her real name as well) was annoyed at Vivein again because she constantly used my friends to seek attention like hitting them on the forehead when a boy is close to her or saying personal stuff about us and also she ALWAYS LIES! She tells me this and I asked my other close friend about it and she replies with a 'what?'

I mean it's okay to join in a conversation once in a while but when you ALWAYS do it, it's kinda bothersome because we can't continue our conversation because you ruined it. DESTROYED IT. I was having a conversation with my friend, then Vivien was beside me and butting in our conversation and changed the subject then my friend would give me weird looks like 'what is she talking about?' Also, laughing is a best medicine but when you laughs so LOUD and so FAKE, it's too embarassing to be with you because it seems like you are asking for attention instead of laughing because it is funny.

Okay, I'm going to write down anymore annoying things about her: talking with the teacher like when your talking with us (She is not your friend where you would silently curse when you talk to her), don't be too clingy (It's fine to link arms with us but don't be too close where your chest is touching our elbows and our arms), act like you know everything (Because you are NOT always right).

This is one of my close friend as well, I'm going to call her Hana. She is actually a very good but good doesn't last for so long, whenever she gets sick or stuck from her problems, I would always be there for her and try to help her but when I'm sick and has problems, she can't be there for me. I got sick last week to the point that I puked and almost collasped, I told Hana to call someone for me but she just stood there and stare blankly infront of her. I didn't know wether she choose to ignore me or she didn't hear me? Because of her, I ended up being sick on the grass (we were outside) and almost cried.

Another thing is that when Hana has troubles, I would reply to her even though I'm babysiting and quickly do my chores but when I ask for help and for suggestions, I would either get no answer from her or she would say that she is busy. I just feel quite disappointed and hurt because I would actually sacrifice for being shouted on to help you while you would ignore me.

This is the last one that is bugging me lately. In my status and one of my tweets, I said 'I can't rely on anyone and I can't trust anyone.' I was actually saying it because of my two long-time friends, Cecil and Rina. My friend Rina joined a church club where I used to go but quit because of personal problems between my 'so-called' friends who were also in the church club, I would get a vibe that Rina wants to hang out with my 'so-called' friends than my friends and myself and I would get the vibe that she doesn't really want to be with us when we go out with her too. I told my friend Cecil about it but I got some defensive words from her about Rina, telling me that she is both equally friends between me and my 'so-called' friends and that she prefer to go shopping with them instead of us.

I feel I was alone again because I was close once with someone and this person came along and then they become bestfriends and leave me alone. I kinda feel that towards Cecil and Rina because they would go to sleepovers without telling me (Even though my parents will say no, I could beg them to let me) which I feel left out since they might be talking behind my back and they would also hang out without telling me. I think that they don't tell me because I usually say no since most of my time, I babysit my little brother or can't be bothered but I would like to be asked as well because I could ask my parents and usually I could be allowed to hang out with them. I just can't seem to rely and trust them because they might be talking behind my back and maybe, someday they would just leave me alone as what my 'so-called' friends had done.

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Pheew. I suddenly feel light again and not so down like bricks of walls or heavy poles were ontop of me. My friends aren't that bad, they are usually nice towards me but sometimes they could mentally hurt with me without knowing and I just wanted to let out some flames before going to sleep ^^ I didn't want to be in a mood when I wake up tomorrow >< Thank you for reading this blog post.