Believe me or not, I dreamt about Luhan on the 3th of June. Plus I had a very bad headache at that moment so I didnt get much sleep which was kind of since I got an exam in the morning not to mention I havent revised anything because I was too busy fangirling over 12 wolves.

Ok back to the point, I dreamt about Luhan. In that dream I was close to EXO and I have a huge crush on Luhan which is true in real life. All of EXO members know about that except the person we're talking about. I called him my peter pan, dont ask me why idk either. Maybe because I just read the lyrics of Peter Pan. So yeah, Luhan is one of my very close friend in EXO, one of the reason why I fell for him first.

The story went like this...

It was a normal day, we were hanging out as usual at our park, I mean the place where we lived. Idk how exactly it happened in my dream, it was kind of blurry, SNSD appeared in our lives, my life. and ruined our friendships. They moved in next to where EXO and me lived. It was also the day I lost the person I loved most, my peter pan because he was head over heels in love with Sunny. 3

It felt so real. He would always go to her place every day and sometimes he would bring me along if he was shy. It hurts, really. Seeing the person you loved was in love with another person. It was soooo obvious that he liked Sunny. Even EXO noticed it. I cant take it. It feels like someone had stabbed me continuously. I actually cried when I woke up.

After SNSD appeared, Luhan started to ignore us. Well, not completely but he was just getting so distant from us. As if we're not that important anymore. 

We decided to have a talk with him but he refused to. He would always tell excuses. The gang were exhausted because of him. So I decided to talk to him alone. I went to him who was busy flirting with Sunny. My heart clenched at the sight but I ignored it. I patted him shoulder but there was no use. So I shouted his name at the top of my lungs.

He snapped his head, startled. Then he was like, "Oh hey Tim wassup.  (Tim is my nickname) Can you tell the gang I cant join dinner tonight because I have a date later with Sunny. So bye see ya tmr" Oh Lu, you dont know how much I want to slap your face at that moment.

Then he disappeared with Sunny. After they left, Yoona and i dont remember who laughed at me. They said "Dude, just back off. You dont have a chance to be with Luhan. Even blind people knows that. What an idiot you are. And btw, dont forget to come to their wedding party." 

......

WTF LU? YOU JUST MET HER. WHY!!!!

After I calmed my self, I went back to EXO's room and mine, and I found them lying on the living room looking really exhausted, more like sad. I knew exactly why.

I flopped down on a couch beside Kris. I rested my head on his neck and automatically he hugged me from the side. I looked at the other members in front of me. Sobs. Lu, what have you done to them? To me?

Then Kris said something which made all of us cried, "we've officially lost one member"

I hate this dream. It was so ing sad. Eventhough I have already prepared my heart to accept the fact that all of them WILL marry someone and have childrens one day, I still cant control the pain in my heart. I know I dont have a chance to be with them, heck, I dont even have a chance to meet them.

I am just a fan. A fan who supports them whenever I can, a fan who loves them 24/7. A fan they didnt even know exist. 

Life is so cruel. My heart hurts like a .