Aish...

I realised I'm getting darker and darker lately, probably due to the sad romance novels and fanfics I'm reading lately...

But I shouldn't blame them though, I'm going through some troubles of late, no, nothing serious, just me.

It goes like this, I like going to school, yes, that I won't deny myself since I like to tease the guys from my class, but there's this thing about me and homework and assignments. I just can't bring myself to sit down and do them. During lectures and all, yes, I do understand, but i just refuse to do those bothersome things. It's not like there's really loads of them till I couldn't handle, but it's just... I really don't know why...

And as time goes by, yes, I'm forced to hand in within the week it's due(my tutors make sure of that, plus i somehow managed to will myself to do it during breaks) but it really isn't helping me. I have to score well, that's my duty, but at this rate I'm going... no where near.

I love to sleep and lie on my bed lately.. and once I lie down on that blissful softness, I sleep for hours. I'll have my lunch or dinner, and I'll sleep again. But there's something weird though, I like to tear a little before passing out into dreamland...

Is there something wrong with me? It's not like I'm experiencing heartbreak or anything(I'm not even attached in the frst place), but my mood gets gloomier and gloomier, nothing seems right, I feel frustrated, and I end up reading more heartbreaking stories, be it fanfictions or published novels. My mother even wanted me to visit the doctor for check ups but I refused. I like staying at home, waste my hours on my tiny iPod, on this site, addicted to stories like drug, I like feeling numb when I read those moments when the heroine and the hero of the story couldn't be together, my heart shattering, not for them, but for myself. I begin doubting the purpose of life, if it was really worth all this crap, all this education that's suppose to increase my knowledge, but only made me realised my lack thereof.

I will never consider suicide, or hurting myself physically, but I just have the urge to feel really numb right now(not with drugs hopefully). 

Lying on the bed,

I wrapped myself tightly with my blanket

fighting the cold, bringing warmth back to my icy cold body

but it was futile, hopeless, useless

I'm too numb