I clearly know that it has almost been 5 years since I lost Dina, my first dog, but yet... I can't seem to get over it, it's not that I'm thinking of her all the time, but every time I watch pictures of her, my eyes starts to tear up, and I seem to be unable to control them.

Why is it so got damn hard?

I think the worst part of losing someone that close to you, is when you don't get to say goodbye
I grew up with her, we got her when I was around a month old, Dina and I grew up together, she was the most loving dog, but when she got older, she got tumor in her leg, if i remember right she was about 14-15 years old, and the doctors said, that they could do a surgery, but there would be a high possibility that she wouldn't wake up from the sedation, and it was really expensive

So my parents decided not to do it, it was almost fine with me, even though I had hoped she would be able to get better, but I understood since she was old

Then My aunt, cousin, mom and I went to the movies to watch Narnia, and my dad had to take Dina to the animal doctor, just for a checkup, he left before us, but when we got home, they weren’t home, I said, what I hopped was the truth, that he had just went over to some friends after visiting the doctor.
But then my mom got a call, and her voice described everything, Dina was no more.
Right at that instant I went upstairs sat down in her bed, and cried my whole heart out.
I cried many days after that, I just couldn't stop again, I was heartbroken, I didn't even get to say goodbye, I would have wanted to be by her site that time
I hate myself for leaving her behind, just to watch a freaking movie, she was much more important.

This happened up till New Year, my grandmother was sad watching me like that
I think what describe best my feelings at that time, is to have lost your sibling, a sibling you were very close too.

A few months after we got a new one, but it has never been the same, even though I love Chemukh a lot, she can't take over Dina's spot in my heart.

But I truly hate it when they have to visit the doctor with Chemukh, I get all concerned and anxious, and if they're late it's worse.

Once I went there together with my parents, we were in the same room as the one Dina had been put to sleep in, can't remember why we were there, but Chemukh have been troubling with some different things, which is also the reason why I don't like it when they go to the doctor, but that time she was hurting, my eyes started tearing up, I turned around trying to stop my tears, and the just rolled down my cheeks like a waterfall.

So now I don't join when they go to the doctor with Chemukh.

I know this is a bounch of random , but I just had to let it out.