sorry for being awol all this time guys. i know you guys are hating on me and going omfgggg why you no update WHY but yeah.

i was going to write the next chapter for best friends with royalty today... but i'm just not in that good of a mood to write fluff and happy reunion scenes. sorry?

lol.

 

yeah.

 

uhm. i'm done with my piano performance test, so i'll probably be writing more now? i won't be frantically practicing wee hours in the morning anymore.

but school's in the way, so idk. still, probably expect an update sometime soon (lol and then 3 months later i update)

 

and like. currently i'm trying to get over the fact that i'm a complete failure at everything i do in life and idk who to complain to so uhm. anything after this is probably going to be a rant so feel free to close the window.

 

idrk why ppl read my blog posts anyways. i actually dont think anyone does.

 

whatever.

 

but like. wow, i can't believe how much i managed to up my piano performance test today. like, i really thought i was going to do well, you know? 'cause for once in my life, my teacher was telling me, wow, your sound is actually pretty nice. and i practiced, and i memorized everything, and this was the first time i didnt frantically memorize stuff the day before the test.

so i really thought i was going to do well.

well, i probably should've expected something different. 

everything was going different from the previous years, you know? the sun was out. the sun's almost never out when i go testing. i memorized my . i played well. i wasn't dying of nervousness. i don't know, i was just sorta chill?

and usually when i go testing, i walk in, and i wait like, ten to twenty minutes before i get called in right. this time, i was twenty minutes early, and bam, the proctor was already ready. so i was walking down the hallways with this guy that was bringing me to my test place right, and he was making small talk with me (this never happens either), and then someone was like "are you aadfsfafad" from down the hall right. and i was like :OOO yes i am who the fk r you. and it was the proctor and she was like hello come with me. and i was like omfgwtfwhy and i gave this omfgomfgomfgsavemeplzzzz face to the guy, and i think he just gave me this confused, apologetic look and i was silently crying inside.

and then OKAY im not being racist or anything. but goddamn, she was asian, and that just made me die even more, cuz my previous proctors were all either nice american old ladies or nice british ladies, but omfg, she was small and she was asian and she had this scar on her forehead that DID NOT make her look like harry potter but like that one guy in chinese mythology with three eyes. and gawd she looked scary. and i was just freaking out cuz i hate my life.

when i walked in, she actually freakin asked if i wanted to play my pieces first or do the sight reading first, and i was like, uh can i just memorize first cuz get it over with, you know? and she was like yeah go ahead. so i played.

did okay for the first three songs i think. i messed up a bit on cramer cuz i played two b flats instead of two b naturals, but i fixed that and was all chill about it cuz i was pretending that i was cool. then bach was okay too, but i played it slower than i wanted to and tripped over a few notes, but i think it was fine? and then beethoven was nice, i liked it. i dont think she did though, cuz she was giving me this /no i do not approve/ look, and shaking her head and i was just crying.

and then we get to my romantic piece, grieg. now about grieg.... the song i was supposed to use was NOT the song i did use, because they suddenly decided scherzo wasn't going to count that year (and goddammit, it was during the week after i memorized that stupid 6 pg song) so my teacher decided to change it to this beautiful 10 pg song yaaay. well, it repeats so yeah, not that bad but still ;____;

and even though i learned it like, what, two months before my testing and mostly by myself, I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DO GOOD YOU KNOW. cuz i practiced for hours and i even brought the stupid book to school to read over like fifty times. AND I PRACTICED omfg I practiced a lot. 

like really, more than usual. i really tried this time. i didnt memorize stuff half assed, i had these long one to three hours long practice sessions, and my longest one was seven hours, though yeah, i rested in between.

but goodness sakes. when i got to the part with the first two arpeggios, i messed up. the two phrases are really similar, they're just a few notes apart, so it's natural that i get confused right? but i rarely get confused there. just this time, my brain suddenly shut down and i was like crap wtf was the next note. and i didnt play it right. i played the first phrase properly, but halfway through the second one, i messed up and paused for two seconds before playing the second half of the first phrase. so it sounded really messed up. and then i continued on, and it was sort of okay until i got to the loud fortissimo parts.

those are also arpeggios, and for some reason, i didnt start the first one off properly, and i got confused, so i stopped for like five seconds and stared at the piano keys before starting the entire section over again. and i heard her write something down. and i was like lawl . so i sped up a little cuz i was ready to halfass everything cuz dude, i messed up already, no use trying anymore, right? lolololol ;____;

and the repeat was okay, i got the arpeggios all right this time, although i did trip a little over the last part with the funny trill. i replayed it cuz i started off with the wrong note.

yeah.

and for my last piece, i don't really remember what i did. i do know i actually remembered the fermata, but i also remember that the piano was sounding weird, so it was hard for me to descrescendo the really fast right hand part. and i probably slowed down at the last section and didnt hold the half note long enough.

 

and for sight reading, omfg it was a horror. she gave me ample enough time to look through the song. i mean, it was short, two lines only, i think? and it was relatively simple. but i think i might've looked over the tempo marking, and i started the song really fast. i remember it was in F major, but i dont remember if i played the b flats or not. i know i messed up at one part and stopped for like half a second before moving on. i ALSO know that i messed up really badly on the rhythm, because there were these two sixteenth notes stuck in between a lot of eighth notes, and i probably played them as eighth notes, and .... forgot to play the b flats.

and then at the last three measures, the first two had an eighth note and then a dotted quarter note. the third measure had only a quarter note. but i played them all the same, which means i played an extra chord :D

fml.

and i looked over to her after i was done, and i swear, i saw her circle the thing on my scoresheet. and when i asked my friend what the third choice was, LOOL. it was average.

yeah.

okay so maybe i passed.

BUT I KNOW

FOR A IN FACT

THAT I DID NOT PASS

WITH A GOOD SCORE

if this was graded on point basis, i probably got a bare 70%. IF that's the lowest passing score.

which means i probably got like, what 2+ out of 5? 3 out of 5?

 

i dont like this. i dont like this at all.