It's funny because ever since I joined this site, I've never written anything. I mean I attempt to write something but it never comes out right. Come to think of it, I've read A LOT of stories here and I feel like my writing skills don't match up with every one else's. But I guess I'll write this blog and give you a little background on myself.

As you all should know, my name is Amanda and I'm 22 years old (and if you're curious about my ethnicity I'm Laotian-American) and I've never been in a romantic relationship. However, watching those around me in their relationships have taught me some things. Every one tells me to not look for it and just let it find me. How the hell is that supposed to work?! It doesn't make sense to me so I've given up... for now at least. Even though, I'm not experienced in terms of relationships, I'm always giving advice when someone needs it.

When it comes to guys, I have made a few mistakes. I'm sure you guys have all been there before in grade school where there is always this popular guy who had the girls and he turns out to be a pig who mistreats them and yet they still worship him. You know what I'm talking about. Well anyways, I've had my fair share of those types of guys in school. I was once a very timid and shy girl who wore glasses and had that low self-esteem. Every day was a struggle because I was always being compared to someone prettier than me. I was always the nice one that everyone tends to walk all over me. I tried to fit in but was always rejected every time. Those years in school was always a struggle for me and I had to fend for myself. And then, there were the guys. The guys I used to like were those popular guys and looking back now, I wondered what I was thinking after all these years. If you're thinking I'm one of those girls who gives in to a guy's advances, that is not true. I'm a lot smarter than that. I wasn't taken advantage of in a ual sort of way but it was more like the little things. I was always the one who did my homework and when the said hot guy had a class with me he would always try to copy my work. He would depend on me for other school work and school supplies. To him, my reward would be: "I'm the only guy who's ever been nice to you..." he would tell me in a smug tone. Jerk.

I've dealt with two of those types back in high school. And because I dealt with idiots like that, I don't count them as guys I genuinely liked. -_-

The next guys, however, would be the nice guys who make lousy boyfriends. These guys were the guys I liked genuinely but of course, they didn't work out. (I'm gonna give you guys their actual names because you guys don't know them and I can't make up names at the top of my head lol). The first guy was this guy I was eyeing back in middle school named Jordan. He was smart and athletic. I mean he wasn't the best-looking guy then but he did a 180 and became hot in high school. For 4 years, I was trying to get him to notice me (I think he may have noticed me at Junior Prom because I had a new makeover thus stunning every one in my class; he smiled at me) and it wasn't until the last month of senior year before graduation when I mustered up the courage to dance with him at Sadie Hawkins. At our Senior BBQ, I confessed to him. He took it well and I thought things were going to get better there. I even attempted to talk to him on MySpace (this was during those days fyi) but he was being dismissive towards me so I backed off after that. However, when I got on Facebook during the summer of 2009, he attempted to flirt with me after ignoring me for a whole month. I caught on to his motive immediately and became dismissive towards him. Take that! :-P

The next guy came slightly after but then this situation overlapped with Jordan. Anyways, his name was Leighton and he is a year older than me. I was a junior and he was a graduating senior when we met. I met him through my younger sister and her best friend because they hung out with him before. Honestly, I saw him around before but never attempted to talk to him because of my shyness (and appearance). Looking back, I'm kind of laughing right now because I was always so mean to him when we talked. When he tried to hug me I pushed him off me and held out my hand for him to shake. "Wow, you're the first girl to ever shake my hand," he said.

"I'm only being polite," I replied.

Well anyways, nearing the end of that year, he hinted at wanting to go to Sadie Hawkins with me (I know, I mention this a lot lol) but I was too oblivious to notice. I mean before he brought that up he told me he actually had a date with another girl if he wasn't going to the dance. That was why I didn't ask him because he brought the other girl up. But that night at the dance was memorable because we flirted and hung out the whole time. I found myself really liking him. But then, a week later, I found out he had a new girlfriend. Imagine how mad I was when I found out. I hated him for that. It was like we had such a great time only to have him with some other girl after that! >:-(

I still had that grudge against him. A year later, we got in touch again and he asked if I wanted to grab coffee with him. I said, "No." He already had plans with another girl so I didn't want to repeat the same mistake again. Later on that same night, the girl he was supposed to hang out with flaked on him so he ended up calling me asking if I wanted to grab dinner with him. I told him I'll take a rain check because I didn't want to leave my younger brother alone. It wasn't until I told my sisters about this that they both thought I'm a rebound.

Soon after that, I came to a realization: I'm a doormat. These were the guys me and my younger sister had to put up with in school. Every time the guy had a girl on the side, he would ignore me but when he had no one, he always came running to me. I was stupid for not noticing.

To end this, I do want to give you a slight update on what happened with Leighton. Well it's been a few years and before I knew it he was always trying to get my hopes up (not that he means to) because of his overly friendly behavior towards me. This happened during the summer of 2011? I believe. I don't exactly remember but this was according to my best friend Manny. Leighton was cool with Manny's sister so he went to Manny's house for a little party (where there was a lot of drinking). I remember Leighton texting me and inviting me and I'm thinking "Why the hell would you invite me to my own best friend's house?" I mean I think my own best friend would invite me himself but still. Besides, I didn't want to go anyways.

According to Manny, everyone got wasted but a slightly sober Manny (who drank a bit) listened to a drunken confession made by Leighton: "Yeah, I'm cool with Amanda and Michelle (my younger sister). I would've gotten at Michelle but if I did, Amanda would be pissed."

That was the last straw. I got so mad I ended up deleting his number. I was even angry at my sister even though it wasn't her fault. It's just growing up, me and my sister were always competing because we're close in age (she's two years younger). We shared every thing and sometimes I felt like I was in her shadow. I always assumed she took everything from me. Learning about how Leighton really felt hurt a lot but it did make my relationship with my sister a lot better. I don't speak to him anymore. There's really no reason to... However, this situation opened a door to the next guy who was interested in my sister.

(I guess I'll post this in my next blog)