I'm not one to boss people around or talk behind someone's back or too just be a complete .

But why would you of all people judge me behind my back

Treat me your friend like crap

Why would you of all the damn things in the world

Throw our friendship away

A friend of mine I had introduced to another friend both named Amanda have both become best friends and left me in the bitter cold

Sometimes I think k it was for the best they were my best friends I was always in the middle but then I was squeezed out.

Pushed aside from our happiness and cast away like a sad story

Why did the Amanda's decide it was okay to ditch mariesha?

Why did my heart feel it coming before my mind could understand it.

Is this petty or what?

Ahh...... I have a pretty pathetic life. 

I'm 18 and a freshman in college I've experienced more sadness than any one else my age. I've been through at least four years of depression and a dies ease I still have that could kill me. I don't care for it tho' I rarely care for myself. Or for anyone for that matter.

I kept having this nightmare where I would wake up and be alone in the world and cry myself back too sleep.

I kept reading peoples auras and having visions of what might happen if I didn't act, and god gave me a chance to act. He gave me a fleeting moment to act on it. To change history, I just never notice until after it happens. 

I never thought someone I loved and was so close to me could die. I regret not telling her I thought she was a close friend I regret not being there for her. I regret not speaking to her at times I didn't feel like anyone could understand but god tried to tell me relentlessly that she could!

I miss her, I was given two chances too save two lives and I failed at both. I was given to visions two motions to stand up and convince those people. I was given a tear from heaven when I failed that will always mark my failures.

I'm not an ordinary person I figured that out a long time ago. I'm a wreck, and I don't deserve to be happy about but god gives ,e happiness and my guilt builds.

I don't understand why god had me meet hunter and talk too him if only for a moment right before he died not even a week later.

I don't understand why god had me have a very deep bone chilling conversation with karla before she passed. 

I dont know anything anymore.

Beauty no longer lies in the eye of the beholder, it lies in the soul.

Thanks for reading if you took the time.

I just needed to get somethings off my chest

I feel so forlorn....