Story Title: The Last 15 Days of Being Baekhyun’s Best Friend

Created by: Moniqueee

Reviewed by: jungsisters

Number of chapters: 15 [Ongoing]

Genre:romance,comedy

Yuri///rated: none

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Title [2/5]

Your title is very...ordinary? I don’t know, it’s just what you’d expect from someone who’s new at writing fanfics. It basically gives away the whole plot; which I don’t really find that it caught my eye...

Poster and background [5/5]

I mean if you like it, then go ahead and keep it..

 

Description and foreword [5/10]

Typical. My goodness, I’m sorry if I’m being too harsh, it’s just so-

at least you didn’t give away too much. This is what I would’ve put though:

original:Being Byun Baekhyun’s best friend is anything a girl could imagine. You were envied by girls in your school that were trying their very best to even get noticed by Baekhyun. Baekhyun doesn’t get mad, he doesn’t get annoyed,and he’s always smiling. Who would not want a best friend like him? But, why is the story ‘The Last 15 Days of BEing Baekhyun’s Best Friend’?

Edited/My Version:Baekhyun, the dream best friend. Handsome, funny, not to mention wanted by half the the school’s population. Baekhyun was just someone anyone could or would ask for. Lucky for you, you get to proudly claim him as your best friend. It’s too bad you only have fifteen days left to call him that.

Overall it was okay, it could be worked on though.

 

Content and main plot [9 /20]

Not original.

There are literally hundreds of fanfics out there about your favorite idols and how many days you have to spend with them, or have left with them. I’m sorry but this plot is far from creative or original. Work on making your fanfics different from others, it’s possible as long as you try.

Characterisation [7 /15]

Not your strongest point as an author. You didn’t give me much to work with since your whole fanfic is 75% dialogue. All I know is that Baekhyun and ‘you’ are best friends and that they like to tease each other. No characterisation whatsoever.

 

Basic grammar/spelling [10 /15]

One of your stronger points is you know proper grammar. I found basic mistakes that you can easily fix. I can tell you know how to use punctuation, it just seems like you don’t choose to? Please start finishing your sentences with a period, exclamation mark, question mark; something to actually make your sentence a complete one. I do feel like you can use some practice on making compound,complex sentences. It will help you from having tons of  run-ons in your story..

Original: After the phonecall. You got yourself prepared for yours and Baekhyun’s activity today. You took a simple blue day dress that Baekhyun gave you for your birthday, you also took a pair of white sandals that matched the dress. You took a shower and got prepared.

Corrected/MyVersion: After the phonecall, you got yourself prepared for today’s activity with Baekhyun. You picked out a simple blue day dress that Baekhyun gave you for your birthday. Matching the dress with a pair of white sandals, your outfit was ready. Now all you had to do was finish getting ready; starting with a quick shower.

Writing style [4/10]

It’s not my personal cup of tea, but that’s just me. You don’t have your own twist to it, or much detail. I think if you keep writing fanfics you’ll find what suits you best and improve on having a healthy balance between dialogue and descriptions. ‘Cause at this point, I only see dialogue. Focus on making your writing different from everyone elses.

 

Flow of the story [6/10]

The flow was okay. You could tell you had a lot you wanted to be in the fanfic. The problem is, is that you make some things escalate too fast and try to get to the of every chapter rushed.

 

Entertainment [6/10]

My mind kept going elsewhere. Sadly, I couldn’t stay focused. The story obviously will fit good for a Baekhyun fangirl though.

 

Total: 51/100

 

Bonus [2/5]

 

Grand Final: 53%

Grade: D

 

Reviewer's note: Please don’t misunderstand me. I know I’m harsh and blunt, but I just want to help you become a better writer. Hwaiting^^