Tomorrow (January 17th) is my birthday.
I'm happy because for various reasons:

1. Obviously, the day I was born :)
2. Share the same birthday as various Kpop Idols/ singers (Super Junior's Kangin, U-Kiss' Kiseop, and Fly to the Sky/ Soloist Hwanhee)

I should be completely happy and jumping for joy because its my birthday, but in all honesty... I'm pretty depressed about it.

I'm not depressed at the fact that I'm turning a year older (turning 21! woot legal to drink!!! HOLLA~)

I'm depressed about what happens on my birthday.

My birthdays are usually never all that memorable to me...

1. In elementary school, I went to school for the whole day without realizing I was sick with a high fever. I had to walk home in the blizzard with my older brother (luckily lived right across the street from my school).
2. Two years in a row in high school I ended up taking finals on my birthday (Freshman Year and Sophomore Year)
3. In Sophomore Year of high school after I finished taking my finals, I ended up going to Track practice and didn't get off until 7pm. After getting off the train in my neighborhood, I got hit on by a creeper in the rain. (Luckily, my mom picked me up from school and my family got me a cake with the side of my favorite dishes).
4. My best childhood friend, whom I've known for over 10 years (whom i still question whether or not I should still have him as a friend) decide to tell me days before my birthday that he didn't feel like hanging out for my birthday because he was upset with his life lately and didn't want to be a downer for my birthday. (The reason I invited him for my birthday is so he can forget about being upset for one day and have some fun.)

I mean I do have some positive nice birthdays where my family would buy me a cake and cook my favorite dishes, and a couple of my close friends who remembered my birthday got me a few nice gifts...

But lately my birthday hasn't been all that great or fun...

The past couple of years, all my closest friends are either busy, out of state, or out of the country to be able to celebrate my birthday that I give up on celebrating it.

I mean, I shouldn't be selfish or be complaining about anything because I'm pretty sure that a lot of people around the world who lives in worst condition as I am, don't even get the chance to enjoy it.

But deep down, at this moment, I will admit that I want to be selfish...

What I'm doing for my birthday tomorrow is just sitting at home and doing nothing.

I do have friends, believe me I do, but there are some friends that you will consider closer to you and prefer to celebrating your birthday with; But lately, all my close friends I want to celebrate it with are all away or busy and this makes me not want to look forward to my birthday ever because I know it is going to happen again.

I usually push the negative thoughts behind me, but this year I can't seem to...

I honestly want to just lay in bed and cry

At the very moment, the very thought of another year of not a memorable birthday (that will probably not change anytime soon in the future) makes me tear up.

I just feel like complete and utter crap, and don't even want to bother anymore...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FINALLY GOT THAT OUT OF MY SYSTEM! THANK THE HEAVEN!

UGH I HATE BOTTLING UP EMOTIONS

I'M JUST GONNA LISTEN TO MY BIAS SING AND RAP TO CHEER ME UP.

DONE!

THAT'S MY BIRTHDAY GIFT TO MYSELF!

MY BIAS VOICES!

PEACE OUT!