Username: sharehappyness

Story Name: The Name I Loved  (내가 사랑했던 이름)

 

MARKS:

 

Plot:

-          The whole of your story is really intriguing. Death isn't a theme I've seen around a lot.
I've read other stories where lovers meet in the dream and so on forth but never a plot like yours.
I really do like the plot of your story.

23/30 points

English:

-          You tenses keep changing throughout the story, you need to keep in the same tense as it can get confusing.
You change from being in the present tense and then into perfect past. I personally think that writing in the tense of past perfect is easier than to be in the present tense. 

Also, if you are creating a list with more complex ideas e.g. actions (with some sort of description), you should use a semicolon to separate each idea (;) instead of a comma. This was only there for one or two times, nothing to really worry about.
 

Examples:

She smiled and pokes me in the side - This should be, She smiled and poked me at the side or  in the present tense, she smiles and pokes me at the side.
You were mising up 2 tenses here.

She moved her head abit sideways as she tries to understand what I'm trying to point out - This should be, She moved her head abit sideways as she tried to understand what I was trying to point out.

I looked back at my bed who was half messy and untidy - This should be, I looked back at my bed which was half messy and untidy.
When you use who, it is normally for a person. Which would be much more suitable.

She was the one who protect me and I regret that - This should be, She was the one who protected me and I regret that.
There are 2 tenses in this sentence, 1 the past and 2 the present. This sentence has 2 tenses as the person is speaking/thinking in present tense but needs to mention something in the past.

I felt my heart sanking... - This should be, I felt my heart sinking.

It's your tenses that bring you down. You should type out your chapters onto Words first and then transfer it to AFF.

19/30 points

Creativity:

-          Creative and something not seen very much. Writing with a theme that isn't used commanly is a good way to
attract readers.

7/10 points

Description and Title:

-          I love the title even if you got it from the song title. Your description is good, short and yet it makes you want to know more.
It leaves you thinking, "What's going on? What happened?" It leaves you wanting more.

8/10 points

Writing style:

-          Easy to follow along although I have to admit it was weird at first without the part which tells you who said what.
I often found myself thinking who had started the conversation. Things seemed to flow at the right pace.

7/10 points

Enjoyment:

-          Really like this story, enjoyable to read.

8/10 points

 

TOTAL SCORE: 72

STAR RATING: 4

 

 

An interesting idea for a plot. You know I read the story in 2 shots because it was so good that I couldn't let go of it until I realised I had school the next day and it was already 2:30. Anyways, a truely great story and I would recommend it to my friends. Good luck on your other stories! =)

 

 

Thank you so much Crystal Clear H&RS!