Rainy Nights, Dim Lights, Lost Souls

By: Honeyjar

Reviewed by: vnxazn

Title[5/5]: 

Honestly, I was a bit iffy about the title at first, but after really getting into the story, I thought it fit perfectly. The title is very original and quite catchy. It’s very poetic.

Design (Posters, Font Color, Font Style, and Backgrounds)[4/5]:

I like that you do your make your own posters. It’s a great way to display your artistic skills and your writing skills. I’m not a big fan of how there are two different fonts and the way they are positioned on the poster, though. Other than that, I thought it was great. I see that you don’t have a background. Though it’s not a necessity, I find it nice to have one because it compliments your poster and story. Other than being picky about different fonts on one thing, I’m not big on font usage, so I won’t penalize you for anything there.

Description & Foreword [7/10]: (Do your description and foreword captivate me?)

Honestly, when I first laid eyes on it, I found it a bit messy and all over the place. I tried to focus more on the content rather than the “packaging” but it just bothered me a bit. Generally, when you are introducing the story, try to avoid using the deleted text option. It’s a bit distracting and makes the whole paragraph look off. You’re description was very good. It was almost like reading a book description. I’m jealous. I wish I could write descriptions like that. (OTL) Really, just try to focus on using only one font and color instead of different ones because it makes the writing look messy.

Plot and Characters [27/30]:

Oh, my god. I just. I can’t even. Wow. Kwangmin was talking about how he was “dead” to his family and then out of nowhere, on chapter five, I find out he’s invisible to everyone but Yuri. Greatest plot twist ever. That literally blew my mind. I am just so impressed by it. I thought he was just dead to his family relationship wise, but you took the extra step and made him literally deceased! Your plot is definitely engaging. I find your characters to have a very consistent feeling to them, which is a good thing. Except for Youngmin, that is. At first you describe him as this cold guy and then he turns around and he’s all nicey nice? Then he went back to being a heartless little jerk. I don’t know what’s up with that, but it bothered me a bit.

Grammar & Punctuation [10/15]:

Because English isn’t your strongest point, I won’t penalize you a lot for grammar and punctuation, but I am a grammar freak so I’m a bit picky. Just try to separate your spoken lines from your story paragraphs. This way the story will look neater instead of all bunched together. When I read the part where she meets Youngmin then Kwangmin, I couldn’t tell who was talking because it was all bunched together. So try to separate those two things and I guarantee your story will be a lot easier to read. Also use the format below for your spoken lines because that was where I found the most mistakes.

“Words words words words,” name said (or any other word). “Words.”

Something like that. You also tend to use caps lock a lot…. Yeah don’t do that. Just use exclamation points, it makes the story look neater that way. Other than that, I have to say, your style of writing is really good. It makes for a nice read.

By the way, “invisible” is not spelled “invisable.” I just wanted you to know so you could change the chapter title.

When you switched to Youngmin’s POV in chapter seven, that was a big no no on my list. I really don’t like the idea of a bunch of different POV’s for stories. I think they should just stay in one POV to keep it simple. More than one POV makes it complicated to read and sometimes the reader will forget whom they are reading about.

And try not to put your side notes in between your writing in parentheses. It throws off the mood of the story. Just put an asterisk and put the side note below!

Creativity [14/15]:

Honestly, I can’t say that I’ve seen any other story like this before. But, I do feel as if I’ve read a manga like this before. I’m not sure if you have read it before and got the idea, but other than that, I haven’t seen a fanfic like this before. It’s a really good story; I’m being truthful. I really liked the whole “soul trying to correct his sins” theme.

Flow [4/5]:

The flow was perfectly fine. I like that you take your time to work in details instead of rushing ahead like other stories. A good story is the result of good time taken to fill in details. However, I felt as if she fell for Kwangmin a bit too quickly. They should’ve developed their relationship a bit more before that happened.

Overall Enjoyment [13/15]: 

Yes, I highly enjoyed the story. It was a great read. The nice and medium length chapters (not too long or short) made for an easy read.

Grade: 84%  

R/N: When I read chapter 8’s title, I laughed louder than I should have. I did that for my first chapter story, too! Hah, let’s be friends. I hope I didn’t sound a bit critical; I tend to get a bit informal with my reviewing after a while so it sounds rude and critical. Mianhe! The story is really interesting. I love it. Please keep writing!