issues issues I'm having this big or severe problem of mine wherein I get too depress over non sensible matters. I've got this habit of over analysing matters that does not really matters, and fuss over it, then eventually I end up hating myself for unclear reasons. I don't know, I'm having these issues for almost more than a year now ever since I graduated college and detached my self from my friends. I'm not saying that I don't have friends right now or I don't treat anyone as my friend (where in fact I do have quite a handful of people whom I trust and I know who really care about me ) but the problem here is ME YES. . . . ME . . . I have this issue of not understanding myself and so I resolve into thinking of why am I like this, why am I like that, why did I do this, why did I do that. and end up pushing the people that care and that I care for away from me because I have this feeling that they won't be able to understand me and my actions will be misinterpreted. I don't also want bother other people. so most of the time I keep my problems and thoughts all to myself. yes I would tell them superficial matters but I usually stop elaborating them because I feel like if I do that, they will get tired of me. and I don't want that to happen. but basing on what is happening now, it is becoming even worst and I don't know what else to do. I wanted to see a psychiatrist but due to ego issues, partly I don't want to admit to myself that my problem had gone that far. I don't know even now, I was trying to release myself but I am getting frustrated because I can't say what I wanted to say. I don't know how to express how I really feel and it seems like all of these things are understatements. I know, I should not think such things but I feel like I don't have any more purpose in this world. and that I'm not afraid to die any moment now because I can't see a future ahead of me . . . do you know how frightening that is? I feel so alone when in reality I am not. my mom and I are always fighting because she can't understand me and I feel so bad because I don't know how to make her understand. and it is a big part of this whole thing because I don't have anyone to rely on. I have no one to hold on to. no one to keep myself from holding on. I don't want to give up yet. but every time I feel this way I have no one else but myself. maybe I am just afraid thinking that what if one day, I got tired of these whole emotional issues of mine and decided to end it all. I don't want that to happen. and so this is one of my desperate attempts to lessen the burden. I don't even expect people to read this and all but yeah. I'm still posting it anyway. I still don't feel well but at least I feel a bit better. its just that I'm getting tired of these all. it was hard to understand thyself. just like now. this is one whole messed up non sense. . . if I'm in a good mood I would have laughed at this but no , I just feel even more frustrated. my thoughts are all messed up. it wasn't nice living in my head. and it isn't really nice talking to myself because nothing is getting resolved. things are just getting worst. . . naneun micheoseo x(