Hey, guys, guess what?

My computer's fixed. Normally I'd be spazzing, but I just got done crying.

U-KISS released their new song "Some Day."

I'll put a little background on this blog so you can understand more.

Just a few days ago (about 4) I yelled at my mom. I came out of my room and she smacked me with a long paint stick twice. I acted all surprised and not hurt outside, but on the inside, I was dying. Finally, after enduring so many years of pain, I let depression get the best of me. I wrote something, but I'd rather not share it. Sorry.

So the next day, Tuesday (or was it Monday...?) I had a bad day on the bus at school. When I got on to go to school, I was looking for a seat in the back, and there was only one open, but another girl was sitting in it. Even though I had my earphones in, I could still hear the girl's friends laughing at her because I sat next to her. The rest of the day was downhill. Teased, laughed at, and bad grades in school.

That night I was doing homework and my mom yelled at me. I couldn't NOT hide what I was feeling anymore, so I cried and told her everything. In the end, I was ignored and asked to help her with the homework that I was supposed to be working on. I hid out in my room for some time before calling my friend and asking her if I could come over. She said yes, and my mom just let me go because I said it was 'personal problems.' I think she understood, but whatever, that's in the past. I was cheered up by her, and I even got to eat dinner at her house since I skipped it at mine. At the end of the night, I was smiling again.

Today, Thursday, I had almost the same day, only no bus problems and bad grades. Around 4:45, I was on twitter and saw that allkpop had tweeted something about U-KISS's new song "Some Day." I was interested, so I went to YT and listened to it. I cried the second I heard "Everybody knows you tried, everybody knows it's alright."

"Everybody knows you tried."

I haven't been feeling like that. I think people don't look at me and think "wow, she's brave to try so hard." That's not what I want people to think EXACTLY, but I'd like it if they appreciated what I do. I mean, I put all of my life into learning a new language and writing to my heart's content. But in the end, everyone in school has no kindness in their hearts and call me weird to listen to music I don't understand, write stuff that'll "never get published," and call me an idiot for trying to learn a new language on my own. I don't have any money to get lessons (and not to mention I probably won't find anyone who knows Korean around here in Missouri), and I DEFINITELY don't have the money to go to South Korea, so I'm trying my best to learn it alone.

"Everybody knows it's alright."

No, they don't. Humanity today has no heart, and I don't think I'll find anyone (other than people on AFF; they all know how to be nice) who'll say "you are beautiful" to me. In my head, "You look beautiful" and "you are beautiful" are different. "You look beautiful" is what family says if you're dressing up for something nice. "You're beautiful" means "You are beautiful, on the inside and out." That's what a boyfriend would say, right? Sad thing is, I've never had one, and probably never will. That's another reason why I've been depressed--no boyfriend while all of my other friends have one. I feel like such an outcast...

If there's anybody who understands me, it'd be my two best friends, Selena and Marissa. They like K-Pop (Marissa not as much as me and my BFFLNMWWGT (Best Friends For Life No Matter What We Go Through) Selena), and will defend me no matter what. Also, all of the KPOP bands get me. Their song lyrics lift my spirit, and I feel happy when I listen to them.

That's why I was crying while listening to U-KISS's new song "Some Day." It makes me believe there's some hope for me in the world. I once thought that nobody liked me and that they just faked being my friend and didn't want to be seen with me in public because I'm embarrassing to be around, which I probably am. But U-KISS... I'm telling you, they saved me. Their song is gorgeous, and I honestly have no idea where I'd be without them today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8NOp6bu7Z8&feature=BFa&list=PL7A3015CEFF050B09&lf=mh_lolz