Review (Story): Super Junior's Pleasure Toy Resort

by SuJusToy

Reviewed by: vnxazn

Title: 4.5/5

Your title is very interesting and captivating. The moment I read it, I instantly knew it was going to be a mature fanfiction. Though I was little thrown off by the word "resort." Resorts usually refer to a place of fun and relaxation, but after reading the description, I found that SUJU's little resort wasn't so fun anymore. But it did make me more intrigued to read the story and find out if things start taking an awkward turn in the story...

Description/Foreword: 8/10

The description was very engaging. It made me want to read it so much because, excuse me for this, but I just like the idea of innocent idols having these reversed sides to them. It's a very alluring kind of theme. There were a few wording and grammar mistakes here and there, though. For example:

They've done this because simply...

It should be...

They've done this simply because...

See how it flows better? A tip I would give you is to stick to one color with your fonts. The colors are every where, and it's kind of distracting. I'm okay with the colors in the paragraph where you talk to your audience, but for the story description, please keep it at one color or it'll look messy. I'm also confused about "not that it cares." What does that mean? Do you mean "not that it matters?"

I found that your foreword was a bit revealing. It was a plain chapter. It wasn't a short summary of the story. I'd suggest just maybe keeping a clip of what you have and turning the other part into the first chapter. That way you'll give the audience a little cliff hanger and make them want to read on.

Characters: 10/10

Oh, lordy, don't even get me started on this. Your characters are just so well developed. Their evil sides just sent chills running up and down my spine. Henry's sweet and gentle helping hand is the only soft feeling I get from this story. I just... I can't... I don't know where to begin. Just excellent, your characters are amazing and greatly developed.

Plot: 16/20

Your plot was definitely well thought out. I just love that horror and ty feel to it. Honestly, I was ready to throw up and read on at the same time. It's just that good. I want to read more, but you only have four chapters! (OTL) I feel as though the whole "there's something about you" thing was brought in too quickly. There's also bits and pieces in the stories that seem to be missing... like her back story? Who is she really? What are her parents like? Where was she heading when she was kidnapped? What's going on? (Ignore that last sentence, I was just flipping out about the story for a second there.) I think really the only other problem I have is that Rose is very unsure of herself. Her character doesn't seem to be as well developed as the others even though she is the protagonist. One point she is all "I love you, Super Junior" then bam; she's all "I hate you, Super Junior!" And then there's also that thing where she's all confident about how she'll live and get her revenge, and the next thing I see is her trying to drown herself. Yeah... that... that threw me off.

Grammar: 16/20

You had a few grammar mistakes here and there. Mostly verb tense. A few areas you would put "you was" where it should've been "you were" because it is gramatically incorrect to use "was" with "you." Your overall grammar is pretty good, though. You also tend to use unneccessary commas so be careful of that. Be sure to read over and check your grammar once you finish a chapter.

Flow:3/10

I found the flow to be a bit too fast, but I could understand seeing as there were fourteen members. (Yipes) In the beginning, you introduced the characters way too fast. You should've at least done a little background on Delicate Rose. Who is she? What's she like outside of the story? Was she a die hard ELF? What's her family like? And then came Bud's little personality turn, which kind of came out of nowhere. A bit of stretched out detail of that would've really made the story juicy and heart pounding. But seriously, Bud, I wanted to slap her and hug her at the same time. What are you doing to me, SuJusToy?

Originality: 10/10

The storyline is just so original. The whole horror and ty feel added with that tiny sprinkle of romance is just perfect. I did feel a bit of a SAW vibe to it, though. Nonetheless, it is a great story with an amazing and original storyline. It's that kind of story where you read through and you think, "what the hell and I reading?" Then you can't stop reading because you want to know more. I give you props for taking advantage of that adrenaline we humans enjoy from watching/reading horror stories.

My Enjoyment: 10/10

I just... I can't stop reading, and I don't know why. It's just so horrible what Super Junior is doing yet I want to know more. Curses.

Bonus: 5/5

I'll give you two points for being the first author to ever be gutsy enough to pull of a ty story like this. The drama... the adrenaline... the cocky Super Junior members. Oh, god, I love it. I'll also give you another three points for creating the first ever romance//horror crossover I've ever seen! Oh, that combination just sends tingles down my spine. I love it.

Total: 82.5/100

Reviewer's Note: Please please please please please update soon. I'm dying for the next SUJU member! By the way, you also don't have a poster or background... This is just a bit of advice, but those two things are really essential to a story's appearance. You should request for a poster! Though I'm not sure if any poster will do this fantabulous story enough justice... heh. If you don't want a flashy background, go for black! It'll fit great with the story. Anyway, I love it, keep writing! I'm dying to read on. Please be sure to credit the shop! And thanks for requesting, I enjoyed reading! Sorry for all the reading... heh...