I actually wrote this the day after the concert but I never got to finish it for three reasons: 1) I have no computer and I have to lend my dormmate's laptop to type this; 2) I am watermarking the photos; 3) internet . 

This morning while saving my presentation in my USB, I came upon this fanaccount again. I thought about deleting it but then I already wrote a lot. LOL. Also because SMTown SG will be held tonight, I decided on finally posting it online. :)))

So anyway, here's my super early fan account.  Let's just all pretend that this happened yesterday. LOOOOL

It’s been almost twenty-four hours since the concert happened so basically every detail of what had happened is starting to fade in my unbelievably short-term-memory impaired brain. Nevertheless, I will try my best to remember what had happened. Granting that my memory is really, really bad, I warn you now that this fan account may turn more into a reflection/reaction paper. LOL. Anyway, we start.

On a more personal note, the experience has more negative points than good ones. I am quite sure there are a lot of other fans who consider this as one of the most amazing events in their fandom life. Sadly, I am not like them. /le creys/ The concert took a huge personal toll on my patience so to refrain from passing the negativity, I will compartmentalize the fan account into two parts: Artists and  Fans. The Artists part will be more of a spazzy/incoherent account of whatever it is that I remembered during that night. The last part, on the other hand, will be more of the reflection/introspection and some other 'lessons' I've learned during this experience. 

ARTISTS: Ah, the reason why we are all here.

The Bad:

Most of the group performances were on the first part of the stage except for SHINee (who performed most of the time right in front of me lol). There’s really nothing bad about this part except that CHOI SOOYOUNG – THE REASON WHY I WAS THERE, THE REASON WHY I BRAVED FESTIVAL AREA – RARELY VISITED OUR AREA. :( Maybe because Fest C is full of Shawols and EXO fans and a mix of all other fandoms but still ;________; I lost count how many times I repeated “COME CLOSER!” all throughout the concert. It was only during The Boys that I get to at least have a chance to see her up close. But even then, it wasn’t enough. I was so busy taking photos and recording the fancam I can’t even look at her face properly. :( Not to mention my eyesight was freaking bad so I have to wear my foggy glasses. For the entire four hours of the concert, she has been on my line of sight for maybe at least four minutes! Nevertheless, those minutes will be forever treasured. Hmm, Sooyoung? What does she look like? Just the same as she looks on screen. Except maybe that she appears really lady-like in real life and ugh the hair mehn! To see it live. DEAD. When SNSD introduced themselves and she spoke in Bahasa, I was so proud I must have looked like a doofus screaming “oh my god, my perfect bias”. It was just really sad that most of the time she was reaaaaaaaally, really far away from me. This explains why I am not really very happy about the concert. I am still finding ways to console myself and saying that yes, SMTown is worth all the suffering (it is though) only that I cannot deny the fact that her absence made the entire experience gloomy for me.

Apart from this, I don’t have any memory of EXO performing. If I didn’t know that EXO was actually part of the show, I might have thought that they weren’t really there at all. This might be because they were one of the earlier performers. Be reminded that during the early part of the concert, I was fighting to stay alive. Perhaps the only members of EXO that I really had a good look on were Tao, Luhan, Sehun, and Chen. All the rest were a blur. I do not even remember seeing Suho, Baekhyun, Xiumin, and Yixing! Dafuq. And Kris… pink tank top. That is all that I can remember of him. Ah, and his part in Mama when his voice echoed all over the stadium and the fangirls screamed like there’s no tomorrow. But apart from that, nothing else. :(

I was standing behind the railing near the centermost part so I had a good view of basically everything that happened at the center. Unfortunately, the center stage is for SHINee. Don’t get me wrong, I do love SHINee but I think I’ve seen enough of Jonghyun to last a lifetime. Haha.

The Good:

The concert started with a performance from f(x). They performed Pinocchio, Hot Summer, and Electric Shock. I enjoyed their performances despite the fact that I am being almost beaten to death while it happened, primarily because they are really good performers. I honestly believe that f(x) gets credited less than what is due for them. There were only four of them performing – without the aid of any backup dancer – and yet they managed to pump up the crowd. The entire stadium goes crazy whenever Amber’s parts come up. I think she’s one of the crowd favorites that night. Krystal looks just the same as she does on tv/screen. She really appears cold because of her eyebrows (stylists, please take cue of this) but when she smiles… awww, her entire face brightens and she looks so innocent and pure. Luna is skinnier in person. She’s also very cheerful. Haha. It’s like she takes up blocks of sugar for breakfast – always smiling and waving to everyone. Victoria – whoa, I cannot remember anything remarkable about her during the f(x) performances but she is amaaaaazing during her collab stage with Tao. There was this part when the lights went off and a girl lied down in the middle of the stage. I was directly in front of the center stage then so I was able to see what was happening despite the darkness. At first I thought it was BoA and then the music started and the lights went on and everybody went “whoooooooa”. Vic – dressed in a long black dress and her hair in a ponytail – started dancing. She was so graceful – like water running – and displayed her flexibility talent not in the manner she usually does in Korean variety shows but in the elegant manner to which this skill was originally intended for – dancing. I learned about Victoria even before f(x) debuted as the girl in SHINee’s Replay and “the trainee who went to this exclusive dance school in Beijing”. Before I got acquainted with her as Vic-umma, she is known to me first as a dancer. I was a bit disappointed that she never got to showcase her dancing skills in her group, which is why I felt that it was a wonderful moment to see her dance right in front of my eyes the way she was taught to do in Beijing.

EXO drove the fans wild. I want to pretend that I’m one of those driven wild but I can’t because well, y’know, I’m half-dying in my position when they were performing.

I was really disheartened that of all of SNSD’s performance, they only get to stand near me during The Boys. During that time, I was busy recording everything on Sooyoung so I didn’t really get to enjoy it as much as I expected it would. Nevertheless, there are still some moments that I particularly love regarding SMT JKT and the girls. First, oh god ALL OF THEM ARE SO FRIKKIN PRECIOUS IRL HUUUUUUU! Jessica looks like a human Barbie Doll I swear I just went crazy when I saw her D: Tiffany is an angel. Like really. I cannot think of other words that could describe her. She looks so sweet and innocent. She is always smiling and even during Gee when they have to perform at the front of the VVIP section, she ran to our part of stage and ugh Tiffany I love you so much! While she was running, she met with Yoona in the middle stage. Oh Yoona, I really need to talk about Yoona! You know all those idols saying she looks really pretty in person, well, they are obviously underestimating things because Yoona ing shines! T.T Her face, when she smiles, it’s just... WOW! I don’t know how to explain it. T.T I am not much of a fan of Yoona when she’s looking serious but when she smiles... angels sing, the Heavens open, and I am ready to die. And my bb Sooyoung ;____; she doesn’t seem very fine that night. She looks tired and seems to not be on her best mood. I observed it clearly because during The Boys perf, I got two cameras to capture her awesomeness lol One for photos and one for the video. I was actually a bit worried that she would continue looking serious all throughout the perf but when she smiled ;__________; all the hours I stood up waiting and getting shoved just paid of T^T She is really gorgeous in real life. Huuuuu~ My Yoona and Tiffany bbs are angels and everything sweet but Sooyoung is just... I can’t. T^T She is on legs huuu so gorgeous! And when she did her trademark hair, I have to do my best not to shout out loud because I’m videotaping everything T^T all the girls look the same in real life but Sunny is really curvy and Yuri is really tan hahaha Hyoyeon is queen! So much fierceness and her blonde hair is really adding to that extra oomph! Taeyeon, ugh, Taeyeon’s voice is AMAZING. I don’t really listen to Taeyeon’s songs all the time and I never really appreciated her voice before but when I heard it live. Mehn, the goosebumps! This girl is really something. If i were so rich, I will buy Taeyeon and ask her to sing for me every night AHAHAHA Seohyun is so cuuuuute! Like really! Hahaha yes, she does not have aegyo but her cuteness is just so natural! So adorable! Hahaha during DJ’s Got Us Falling In Love, they entered the stage in a cart and she was wearing sunglasses. She looked so badass singing but then the sunglasses looked like it’s about to fall so she keeps on pushing it back in place ahahahaha idk but it was so funny to me I laughed out loud xD She looks so cute afnafnakfn AAAAAAAAAAARGH SNSD! YOU WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME!

I had a loooot of Super Junior service. I’ve seen them before so I wasn’t as excited as I am with the others. Nevertheless, it still feels good to see them up close. I can relate to the feeling of seeing your brother again after years of separation. Eunhyuk and Donghae kept roaming around. Sungmin, the one who took my breath last SS3, is still as handsome as ever. Sungmin’s charms is really different. He is really, really, really handsome in real life.  I’ve seen ZhouMi at last too! He was not able to go to SS3Manila so I’m really happy that I’ve finally seen him in person. And gehd, he really looks like Kangta HAHAHA The resemblance is so striking, it’s almost scary. Perhaps the only notable difference is that Mimi is skinnier and has longer legs xD Apart from his legs, it was his dancing that caught my attention. Haha! He dances really gracefully to the point that his movements can be considered feminine. ^^; If one is to speak of ZhouMi, it is justifiable that one must talk about Henry too. I’ve seen Henry before and back then he was so cute and cuddly and more of like a living dumpling but last night, darn, he’s just soooo hot. Maybe it’s the hair but I don’t really know. He gave off a very manly aura and when SJ performed Perfection, Henry, basically, shone. I can’t keep my eyes (and my camera) off him. He was that gorgeous last night! Ugh! I just can’t with his amazing hair/skin/face/body/everything. Siwon kept walking to and fro the center stage. There’s a YeWon moment, the two of them looking as if they want to poke each other’s faces.

BoA! Omgosh! BoA is just sooooooo amazing irl T_____T the way she dances, the way she speaks, the way she handles the stage. Ugh! Her stage presence is insurmountable. She is a solo artist but the large stage doesn’t seem too large during her performance. She is just too awesome okay?

SHINee. I have too much of SHINee to last a lifetime. LOL I had a lot of JongTae fanservice ahahaha they were right in front of me all the time keke I said that I never got a good look of EXO except for Luhan and Sehun. That’s because they subbed for Minho during his parts and lol Sehun and Luhan is starting to look identical it’s scary! Hahaha Jonghyun is okay, Onew is adorable and dorky, Taemin is (I’m sorry to say but) setting my gaydar alarm on. But for SHINee, I just have to mention Key. Oh my god, Key is so mothering gorgeous in real life. Like SOOOO MUCH! Probably a hundred times better than he looks in photos and videos. Not to mention he is soooo manly during performances that I think 80% of my SHINee pictures are of him. ;A;

TVXQ. I have nothing to say about them except that Yunho is muscular and Changmin is REALLY REALLY REALLY THIN. Whenever I think of Changmin now, all I can imagine is his slim waist and how I can easily wrap one arm around it and crush him to death. Ugh. He’s just so thin, okay? T___T I am not very happy with Changmin’s hair but he still looks good. He is also a lot sweatier in person. His face is literally shining with sweat even at the start of a perf. Hehe I cannot remember much of TVXQ so I decided to look on my photos of them. Bad idea. Most of that I took are derp shots AHAHAHA

FANS: I believe that a concert will always be for the fans, about the fans, and by the fans. Some people may disagree with me but I believe that the level of fun you will have on a concert is directly related to the people you are with. Oftentimes, the attitude of the fans will greatly affect your perception of how the concert went. As it is with this concert, one of the things that stood out for me was the fans.

The Bad:

For unfortunate reasons, I ended up getting Festival C. To be frank, I do not like this section. For one, I’ve seen the stage set-up and I can see that the Fest C is so farking far from the first stage (the one near the LED screen). Artists usually perform on that part so if I wanted good shots/fancams of them, I need to be near that area. Something that only Fest A/B can provide me. Two, this is usually the most crowded section ever. I have heard stories of how crazy it gets in the festival area in Indonesia; multiply that with the number of people in Fest C and imagine what you’d get. How I ended up getting Fest C (and the rest of the unfortunate series of events that happened to me) is a longer (and more emotionally-driven) story to be shared when the time is right. Haha.

Granting that I am already in Festival C, the best thing that I should do is to make most of this experience. My friends and I positioned ourselves right in the front of the center of the stage. There were already three lines of people in front of us from the railing so we were confident that we’ll have a good view of everything. How wrong.

To everyone reading this – unless the country where you’re going to watch a concert is laidback enough or that you are tall, strong, healthy, or stubborn enough – do not consider the Festival area of any SMTown Concert in case you’d want to attend one in the future. When the lights went off, everybody started pushing people to the front. It was so crowded there wasn’t even enough space to move your body around. And because of the limited space, it was very hot. The concert hasn’t started yet but some of the fans already looked like they’re about to faint. I am a foot taller than most of the girls around me yet I find it difficult to breathe fresh air. Just imagine how hard it must have been for those who were of Taeyeon’s height. xD

Anyway, when the concert started everything went ten times scarier. Everybody went crazy and people got pushed left, right, front, and back. It was, literally and figuratively, an ocean of people – complete with its own tidal wave of sweaty limbs. Festival C, in all honesty, is hell-zone on earth. For the first hour of the concert, I was too busy trying to stay afloat over the pushing and shoving that I didn’t really get to enjoy watching f(x), EXO, and all the earlier collabs. The situation was so bad I only felt the supposed to be festive concert aura when SNSD started performing. Meaning, all the while F(x), Kangta, Changkyu, EXO, and EunHae performed, I was too busy trying to save my neck from the human tsunami that has taken over Festival C. This will also explain why I have very few pictures of the first performances. Add to the fact that the artists were performing on the first stage faaaar, far from us. Everything was in a blur I couldn’t even remember what the hell was I doing during the like a G6 perf ;_; Even when ChangKyu had a girl (and not Taemin) for Just the Way You Are, I was too frikkin’ tired to care. All the “to be watched-out” performances such as Like a G6, Just the Way You Are, and Oppa Oppa happened in a blur.

At some point, people started fainting. From what I remembered, it started right after F(x)’s Pinocchio. We needed to move to let the staff take two girls who fainted at the spot. In all the shoving, I got pushed near the front. I was only two meters away from the railing and yet there are at least five lines in front of me. It was when the girl right in front of me fainted that I was shoved right behind the first two lines after the railing. And because the railing was just my reach, I grabbed it for my dear life. Haha. That was around SHINee’s Lucifer.

I have been in Festival Area before (in SS3 Manila) so I know that the first few minutes of the concert will always be the worst, you get pushed and separated from your friends; however, last night was something I would not want to go through again. I believe it would have been better if the fans have been a little less rowdy. We all want to have some little moments with our biases but then this should not be an excuse for us to jeopardize the safety of others and ourselves.

Basically, the first half of the concert was just too horrible to the point that I wished it would end as soon as possible.

The Good:

Though last night’s concert gave me a preview of live-action fandom violence (lol), it still had a number of good sides. Things which could be summed up in one word: camaraderie.

Perhaps the most notable memory I have of this concert is that wonderful, beautiful, amazing red ocean in the tribune area. Technically, it was just a red ‘puddle’ drowning in a sea of blue but with the solidarity and determination of those Cassiopeias, you might have thought they rule the world. Right before the concert started, the entire stadium echoed of “DONG BANG SHIN KI! DONG BANG SHIN KI!”. The chanting was started by that red puddle way up high in the tribune area, on the farthest area to the center of the stage. It was amazing and breathtaking and so touching I still get goose bumps whenever I think about it. It reminded me of our own red ‘puddle’ back in the 2^nd Mindanao SM Town Gath. xD

I believe it is safe to say that Indonesia is a Super Junior country; especially with how the stadium last night was 60% filled with sapphire blue light sticks. The younger boy groups: SHINee and EXO, though not as massive as SJ, have a stable and relatively large fanbase here too. With the influx of younger idols and the fandom being constantly dominated by the teenage populace, one may wonder what would’ve been of the older generation idol groups such as TVXQ especially after all that lawsuit chaos. Last night, I was once again reminded that it isn’t really about the number. Cassiopeia may not be the largest fandom anymore but that does not necessarily mean that they are gone. Even though I am not a Cassie, I have a lot of respect for TVXQ. It was good knowing that Cassies were still there waiting for them. If I were to let my mind drift, I would like to think that perhaps, one or two from those Cassies up there had been in the fandom for a long while now. Maybe they got in back when they were still in high school and yet they were still in even now that they are professionals. They were there when TVXQ was still five, Changmin was still a and Jaejoong wasn’t as emo as he is right now. It is amazing and breathtaking and touching to think that some of them have waited years for this to happen; to see TVXQ even for a while, even on a shared stage, even if they got a seat that might as well have been miles away from the stage. They were cheering as if they were just right beside it. And what was the most amazing of it all is that they weren’t alone. All around me, people carrying SJ, SNSD, SHINee, F(x), and EXO light sticks were chanting “DONG BANG SHIN KI” along with them. As the concert went on, everybody just cheered and screamed for everyone. Even when Kangta was on stage, despite the younger lot not really knowing his impact in k-pop, they still screamed for him as if they’ve been there all along his journey. The same can also be said when BoA came in. There’s a male SONE behind me and he was so loud singing along to Hurricane Venus he basically drowned out the voices of the fangirls beside him xD and of course, what I believe was one of the most important highlights of the entire concert: Tiffany’s “INDONESIA, PUT IT BACK ON!”. I screamed soooo loud when she said that and I swear the entire stadium erupted in its wildest cheer. It’s like regardless if you keep on saying you’re a hardcore loyal Jumping BoA, Cassie, ELF, SONE, Shawol, F(x), EXO, or Kangta fan – you forget that label and you become just like everybody else around you: a fan.

It is a perfect example of fandom camaraderie. It was a beautiful, beautiful memory that if I were just to think about it, I will forget all the bad memories the night has given me.

I’ve gone through hell for SMTown INA (my friends would know about this in my personal and private fan account) but the redeeming factor of it all is that despite the ugly face of fandom, I have seen its pure beauty that was the reason why I got here and stayed here. It’s always more tempting to build bridges to the side of the river you haven’t been on than the one which you always pass by. Maybe because I am new to this place and I am a stranger that I had it in me the confidence to make new friends. Finding friends is easier when you do not have one to start at all. And in a new country, you are exempted from the embarrassment of being ignored because everyone would feel the moral responsibility of helping you because you are new to the place. Right from the queue, I’ve made friends with a number of people. SONEs, Shawols, and ELFs to note the most memorable ones I’ve had. It was only for a few minutes that I’ve talked with them and yet when some misfortunes happened, they were all ready to lend a hand. It was beautiful, this fandom bond that all of us have.

Perhaps because we are construed to our limited thinking that we are boxed in stereotypical fandom names that we, ourselves, deny that we can be united. Maybe because we were all accustomed to the overrated fanwars, violent reactions, and biased opinions over one group to the other, that we fail to see the string that links us all together.

I think I might have always had the thought at the back of my mind since the day I learned to love SNSD whole-heartedly despite not being (and not calling myself) a SONE but it was only last night that I get to see it with my own eyes. This string, though it might appear as weak most of the time, is strong enough to bind us as one. This string, the fandom camaraderie that we all share without us knowing.

It is when no matter how hard you want your bias to see you; you will still keep your fansign at a reasonable height because you are subconsciously considerate of the people behind you. It is when you are so thirsty you can drink an entire gallon but you will content yourself with a few drops of water because the girl beside you is just as thirsty as you are and so you share her the drink. It is when somebody puts a hand on your shoulder because s/he is too tired and despite you not wanting somebody touching you, you just let it be. It is when you the girl in front of you turns around and tells you “sorry if I might push you later, it will be very hard to control the crowd”. Last night, there were a lot of shoving and pushing; but then, there were also a lot of worrying. I’ve heard strings of profanities and “pak, minum!” (sir, give us a drink please) but more than that, I also heard a lot of “are you okay?”, “I’m sorry”, and “please don’t push”.

Fandom probably reflects humanity in its rawest form. It is where people can be arrogant, elitist, ambitious, selfish, conniving, etc. Fandom brings out the worst in everyone but I believe that along the way, it also teaches us a lot. Some people enter the fandom with all the immaturity in the world – but then, they mature there. Some probably don’t but I do hope that they will. Fandom is where we create memories. It is where we find the people who will eat up a huge amount of our time/money/effort. It is where we might find the friends that we would treasure for the rest of our lives. It is where we might start to learn and master a hobby. It is where we grow and where we find ourselves.