I just really want to get this out of my chest 

So I had this crush or love to my old classmate who became super close to me because I got transferred to a different class like I didn't know anyone there so yeah i was awkward and all but we became really good friends

then I started noticing that I'm thinking of him randomly, and when I see him like there's something stuck in my throat and there's this feeling inside of me after 1 year he became distant to me yes we were friends and we greet each other and acknowledge each others presence , we hang out but that all stop when we became freshmen.

We eperated cause I got into a different school and did he but our school was in the same building so still saw him but then he became cold and I get the silent treatment from him I don't know why but I think I didn't do anything that might angered him and as far as I know he's clueless that I like him because he was courting my close friend and I always stay in the side lines just cheering for them to be together so I think I concealed my feelings for him well.. But yeah as the years goes by and now I'm a fourth year high school student and I started to like him since 5th grade ( I know so young to like someone) he still treated me cold he even treated me like I was just air he could pass by not even sparing a glance . 

Its a long story how much I cried for him and how many happenings that made me cry because of him but then the happy part is now I know that I'm over him

So I saw him last monday with his girlfriend in the mall we were both going down the escalator and so I let them first when we made eye contact I got this hard gaze from him but I only smiled it off because I didn't feel anything anymore there was no more urge to cry or to hide my face

But when I looked back I'm thankful to him because of him I had the motivation to change who I am in the past

When I changed school, I studied and become an honor student because when we were classmates I was not studying well and he was in the honor list which made me insecure in myself so I studied and now 3 years in a row on the Top List in our school

Because he was our school dancer , when we seperated to different school I joined dance club, I learned to dance decently; I won some awards, got included in some school activities that encouraged students to dance

Because last 2 years ago when I finally saw him again ( summer vacation when I was in 2nd year) He called me fat; I was scared to eat the next few months my classmates and family were worried I only ate crackers all day and I would vomit but after a few months I learned to have a proper diet, and I had alot more confidience in myself

When I look back everything he caused me was not all pain ; because of him there was some good changes that happend to me .

But now

I feel happy cause he was like just any normal people I see and pass by in my life.

There was no more sadness I felt when I saw him

I'm free from my fear after all 4 or 5 years~!