It's weird how when you think of things the come back to haunt you in your dreams. 

Princess is always a nickname that I've kind of, well acquired over time.  I honestly love it, people gerally see it as an insult but I see it another way.  I like being called a Princess because I guess it makes me feel special.  At home I've always been called princess by my parents and my family in general.  I used to hate it but I gave in in the end because I've always been a demanding person.  I like to get my way and my mum always said I've got a natural tendancy to take charge of a situation at hand.  My family mostly revolves around my mother but mum always goes to me for advice.  My brother and father don't have weak personalities but they aren't as opionated as I am.  I realise that this is not a good thing but it's this part of me that has always made me a strong person.  I have never been someone to be a figure head on a project I like to direct things and delegate.  I can also be very whiny and I complain a lot at home too.  

With my friends they call me it from time to time.  Half the reason is because of the reasons my family calls me princess.  The other half is something I only came aware of last night.  I have a tendency to  wear flarey dresses and sparkly hair accessories.  I also dress modestly and I try to go for an elegant or cute look.  Contributing to this is my weird obession with tiaras, they are so pretty and I literally spazz everytime I see one.  My friend last night asked me why I get reffered to as a princess and I explained those things to her.  She agreed much to my surprise.  She told me she can see it, I speak with a slight english accent (never been to england in my life) and the way I dres lends it to that nickname.  After this I decdied my twitter profile had to change from "hae's unknown girlfriend" to Hae's princess.  

You may wonder where on earth is this going?  Well anyone that hasn't gotten bored with the inner workings of my mind yet it lead me to a dream.  The dream was a mesh of the past and the future it was weird.  So I thought I'd blog about it to nut out.  It's a bit of a ong story to begin with but I think it's interesting and ironic how it all meshed together.

You see, I met my first and only crush when I was just about to go into year 11.  I guess I was a niave tom boy that had nothing in her hear but sports and anime.   I prided myself on being a tom boy back then.  I wore sport shorts and sport teams t shirts everywere without a crae in the world about my appearance.  I wore no make up and my skin was tanned from the hours of tennis training I did.  I refused to wear a dress or anything femine and it drove my mother mad.  That was the time I met him.  I was first to arrive at class cause I rode my bike in and I am always the type of person to get lost so I left early.  So I sat there in the lecture theatre by myself dreading the fact I was spending my summer learning study skills.  I went to an all girls school but being a tom boy I was indifferent about guys that weren't drawn into whatever manga I was reading at the time.  Well, until I met him.  I guess what got me was his smile, he walked into that lecture room with a big smile and greeted me warmly.  What grabbed my attention next was his accent he was british and I always had a thing for the british accent.  He sat down next to me and before I knew it we were friends.   Throughout that study skills course I got to know him and I guess I feel for him.  But, being the shy girl i was, and still am, I didn't get his number or e-mail and I rode my bike away from the last day of the course berating myself that I had let my first crush go like that.  In my head I think I thought of it as that idealized Summer love, you meet them and they disappear but you never forget them.  

Little did I know that fate, coincidence or well dumb luck or whatever had different ideas.

You see in year 11 I went to my first big social event it was compulsory and I really didn't want to go.  My first problem was that I had to bring a guy.  I barely knew any guys minus the ones at tennis, Saturday school or swimming and it was just awkward to ask them.  I guess I didn't want to seem weak to ask them.  So i ended up taking my god parents son, someone I had known for a long time who knew me well enough to know that I didn't want to be at the function as much as he didn't want to.  Since people weren't used to me dressing up at all everyone was pleasantly surprised.  I know a few of my friends had to do a double take and the teachers were just as confused.  I guess for the first time in a while I felt pretty and this gave me confidence.  But nothing could prepare me for what happened next.  

I saw one of my best friends and ran over to her and greeted her, my partner in toe (the poor guy he couldn't keep up with my uber hyperness) and greeted her warmly.  But then she introduced me to her partner and there was my crush standing there with that cute smile oh his saying, her vic fancy seeing you here.  I nearly had a heart attack and I think my friend had an even bigger one, as she nearly knocked me over when she shouted "WHAT YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER".  When we all calmed down she explained that after she told my crush who were the people and friends sitting on the table with us my crush had told her that he had a surprise for her at the dance. Well I was a bit shaken by that I never intended for my friend to know about my little crush and as the night went on I realised just how much of a gentleman he was.  

Over dinner I was sitting next to my partner and he was looking at me from across the table.  The music was laring quite a bit so it was hard to hear anything.  Then he said it "Victoria you look like a Princess tonight."  It was like it was out of a dream and I thought I was stuck in one.  So I asked him what he said.  He repeated it twice before my friend screamed "I HE SAID HE THINKS YOU LOOK LIKE AN OGRE". 

To this day I have never let on that I actually heard him but I wasn't sure it was real.  We became close over that year and eventually my friends figured out I had a thing for him.  So before I knew it I went to the Ball with him.  He was just so sweet! He gave my mum flowers and he even got down on his kneee to give me my corsage.  At the ball he bacame the first guy I slow danced with, the first guy I ever held hands with the first guy I ever told that this night was perfect thanks to you.  It was, it was one of the best nights of my night.  

But ideals aren't meant to last.  He never contacted me after university started.  I felt I was putting too much pressure on him so I let him go.  I was determined to get over him.  I realised that he was a little bit of a player and none of my friends liked him that much. But everytime I did saw him I would be greeted by that same smile that I'd fallen for years ago.  As time went on he started flirting with me and I wanted nothing more to get over him.  But, as fate would have it several guys asked me out and each time I turned them down with the reason I like someone else.

So finally to my dream (a very long way to get here)

It started off and I was back at the ball with him and he was back to being his sweet self. It was basically replaying the memories from that night.  When he held my hand, when we danced when he held out the chair for me and how he smiled.  But then as we were taking photos Donghae storms in and wacks him on his face screamin "That's what you get for leading her on everytime." Then he kinda fainted, anime style to the ground :P Then I did all those things with Hae. A short dream that required a very long story with it XD

So people that have bothered to read this very long blog post.  What you think?  I hope it means I've gotten over him but it is slightly disturbing that it's Donghae that replaced him.  Maybe someone out there is trying to tell me that my ideal guy is still out there waiting for me.  I don't know XD At any rate my new tiara headband is pretty LOL