I apologize for the apparent mess I've created not only on here but on PoK.  I would like to thank everyone from on here and the ones that have found me from there for really helping me get through.  I also did have some help from some friends I know IRL after I hadn't had them around to contact earlier.  I posted because I was upset, frustrated and at a loss.  I truly never expected to get so much of a response, let alone responses at all.  Whenever I get in that state I tend to forget there are so many people going through the same issues or are just around to understand.  It's a selfish habit to get that way and I apologize for essentially 'dragging' everyone into it.

I'm feeling a bit better now.  I'm still a little tense but I can take some deep breaths and think a little clearer.  To think this all started because of a rejection makes me feel rather ridiculous.  I guess everyone has a breaking point and mine was that.  But after everything I'm convinced to fight my urges again.  I do have some help that I've been ignoring recently because well, when I get in that state I don't see the point.  I just need to keep striving as hard as it is for me sometimes.  I do feel some strength now from all this support.

Now, I'm going to listen to some Kpop and watch some MBLAQ Sesame Player since that always seems to cheer me up.  It's times like this I'm rather happy I picked a bias that has so many silly moments.  Seriously, Joonie making me laugh is a whole other set of therapy.  I might do some writing tonight too since I'm finally coolheaded enough to concentrate.  

So anyways, thank you everyone for everything.  I'm truly touched.  I teared up a few times in how crazy the help escalated.  Thank you for staying by me.  

And also know, I'm here for anyone that struggles as well.  I know my head is a mess but I want nothing more than to help other people.  It gives me purpose and I would hate to see anyone feel about themselves how I feel about myself.

I love you all <3