So I tried to write a rap--

song sort of. The chorus is sung normally (refer to Bang Yong Guk's I remember, Turbo's Hwesung {December})

I sort of have the number of beats for it though I'm not sure how many it is (Oh dear...)

This is here because I want to see the response from my pals (and subs) before I post it on Wattpad which is where I post a lot of my lyrics.

The chorus is in orange and the verses are in green.

There is no title btw

The little butterflies,

spread their little lies.

In this masquerade,

which is just a facade.

That special monarchy,

is only a trickery,

People don't understand,

all of the reality.

The truth that they see,

but it can't be conceived.

Cos it's all just the rumors,

of the conspiracy.

 

It's better to run,

but not run the world.

Stay away from Oz,

if you don't wanna get hurt.

 

Why are you trying to get by,

while you're under control.

Cos they're deceiving,

while you're pleasing.

Those you do not know.

If you up up your eyes,

You can free your mind.

To the truth they won't show.

Don't give in to the temptations,

to be the next sensation.

Cos it ain't worth your soul, (your soul)

 

I don't know Kim Noble,

But what happened to her aint noble.

People must be blind,

to be using just one eye.

Now you see the numbers,

triple threats in clusters.

They were everywhere for Disney,

Who's in the same hood as Jay-Z.

I shouldn't say their names,

but these folk are insane.

When you see the signs,

that are slowly defined.

 

Better not get into the scene,

In case you become something,

with your limbs tied up by strings.

 

Why are you trying to get by,

while you're under control.

Cos they're deceiving,

while you're pleasing.

Those you do not know.

If you up up your eyes,

You can free your mind.

To the truth they won't show.

Don't give in to the temptations,

to be the next sensation.

Cos it ain't worth your soul, (your soul)
 

I'm a noob to writing rap lyrics so I'm not that good at it yet (LOL?)

Somehow I feel these are too controversial

 

Comments

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leohowon
#1
woaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
DragonG
#2
i really like it 0u0 i feel like the rhyming scheme is a little awkward for a rap but i like raps that contain a meaning behind them. i applaud you ^^
nyokopuppet
#3
lol. Last time I wrote any kinda song was my freshman year or highschool.

writing a melody too?
who would you have perform/record it?
xinli_ang #4
It kind of is, but the truth always is, isn't it? :) At least you can do that. Coz I can't even write songs to save my life. XD
PenguinMaestro #5
I feel like................there should be more literary elements. It's a good theme, so who cares if it's controversial.

Personally, I only like rap that flows really well. Alliteration, onomatopoeia, stuff that makes the words themselves feel like music. But that's just my opinion, you don't need to heed it.

You've got some really good rhymes (temptations-sensation, deceiving-pleasing, monarchy-trickery). I can't get over the masquerade-facade usage, though. It doesn't rhyme, girl. XD "Clusters" in the second verse feels a bit awkward, but that can be a godd thing depending on the music.

Overall you've got a really nice theme and fitting metaphors and allusions. Nice job. :D *gives you a gold star sticker*

I feel like an über teacher right now. -_-