This is just a blog of me reminiscing about my time on AFF. I feel like writing this all of a sudden :\

Well... First off, I came to asianfanfics at the recommendation of my friends who read Boyfriend and Infinite fics. I decided to search the snsd tag and I saw Taeny fics. Being a locksmith since quite early, this sparked my interest.

The first ever fanfic I've read would have to be dalmatian123's 'Save the Last Dance For Me' followed by Wroule21's 'Songs Related To Life'.

I managed to finish dalmatian's fic first and I started finding an interest in writing, wondering what it would be like to record your ideas down for others to read. I saw many authors express that they were truly grateful for having so many readers and I guess I was curious to know what it would be like. 

So, at around 9:30pm after I had just finished dalmatian's fic, I started getting ideas for my own fic which then led to my first fanfic known as 'My Lady, My Butler' 

There was nothing but a foreword up and within three hours, I had 15 subscribers. This puzzled me for a bit cause I was wondering who would subscribe only after a foreword. I started getting excited and started writing up the first chapter to give them a glimpse of what the fanfic would be like. It was around 11, almost midnight when I started this. Looking back on the fanfic now, I was horible. I used internet slang, no grammar and I even saw an emoticon in my writing but for some reason, people seemed to like it.

Back when I first started writing, there was only around 300 odd Taeny fics with gg9snsd's 'Passionate Passions' having around 400 subscribers and dalmatian's one shots were at a whopping 500. I looked at my 23 subscribers and I knew I wouldn't be able to reach that number but I was glad to know at least a few people read my 'creation'.

After the first chapter, my subs increased to 40. That to me was something big. I remember when I saw the number 40 I thought "I'm one tenth as good as gg9snsd. Yay!" And because of that determination... I ended up staying till 3am writing 5~7 chapters. I updated so many times in one day that I started developing hand cramps and my laptop began to slowly die out but I didn't mind. The comments were all encouraging. No one asked me to 'update soon' because I updated around 7 times a day. 

That may sound like a lot, but now that I look at the chapters, they aren't even 1/10th of what my chapters are now.

As I reached around the 50 chapters stage, I had around 200 subscribers. I couldn't express how happy I was. I guess my goal back then was to reach half of what dalmatian's subs were (which by now was at 550). 

I then felt so many ideas start flowing through my head as I allowed my imaginative side to express itself. Before I began writing I would rarely have thought about all these crazy ideas, in fact I never really did at all. Now that I unbuckled the lock, everything started flowing so freely.

After I had finished my updating for MLMB that day, I saw my contact lenses case which held my blue contacts. I thought about what it would be like to have your eyes change colour depending on the situation. From this, I started thinking about demons, vampires, spirits and immortals.

That was how Falling For You started. I was so excited for this fic as it was completely different to MLMB's. It had supernatural beings and different personalities. I disregarded MLMB for a short while as I was so hyped to write about immortal Taeyeon, Yuri and Yoona.

As time went on, more people started using AFF. Taeny fics jumped to 500 and my subscribers for MLMB jumped to 300. By now I was almost halfway to what gg9snsd and dalmatian's fics were. When I found my fic on the first page of the 'most subscribed' I really couldn't believe it. Even now I couldn't. My horrible grammar and spelling just blinds me till this day and yet I still had loyal readers.

As the days went on exams came. I didn't study for those. Instead I updated. Around that time i made My Guardian Angel after seeing my cute little angel winged bear.

With 3 fanfics going things started to pile up, so i left my first two fanfics and updated MGA. I switched my priorities depending on what thoughts I had. The year was approaching an end and I was on school break. Seeing as how MLMB was now at the 65 chapter mark, I decided that it would be best to get one fanfic out of the way first. So i left all my other fics and had a updating marathon for MLMB.

On New Years eve, I managed to finish off the last chapter of MLMB. and deciding that I would like to end the fic on a round number, I updated the author note and last chapter on New Years Day.

Now I had around 400 subscribers for that fic and it was ranked 3rd in the Taeny's most subscribed.

When I first started writing, I never even dreamed about even getting 100 subscribers. It was something that was impossible for me.

But as time went by, I started improving on my writing but as I improved, my drive slowly started to slow. Comments weren't like they used to be. 80% of them would only have three worlds mainly just two.

"Update Soon." and depending on whether they were polite or not. "Update Soon Please"

I see notifications for comments on my stories, but the disappointment I get from reading two or three words is just... I don't know how to explain it. I had explained before in my fics that I do not mind silent readers. I actually prefer silent readers more than those who said nothing but two or three words every update. One time I even checked to see if they even subscribed to my fics.

Unfortuneately, they hadn't even subbed to my fics. I think most authors would know the feeling. Karma points was supposed to benefit the authors, not the readers. And yet all these readers (I'm not even sure if they read the fanfics) were going onto every fanfic they can just to type two or three words just to gain karma points. I'm glad the system had changed now though. But I had a talk about this with some other authors and they felt the same way. 

But this didn't completely kill my drive. There were still many loyal readers who actually commented properly. Some even went to apologize to me for being a silent reader on my wall, not that it mattered.

So, I continued writing but my drive was only at 70%.

Time went on and I decided to create LockSmithsUnited, a project where a bunch of Taeny authors join forces to write 1 special fanfic for locksmiths....

This.... Didn't quite go as planned. For one, the chatroom which was made only for authors to discuss topics was completely useless. Instead of the fanfic, we discussed other things not related to the project at all. I don't regret it though. The conversations we had were fun. Some even shocked me. The fact that some authors who were writing were below my age >_> (Claire and EO, this applies to you two mostly).

Once we managed to get a rough idea of a storyline, the chatroom began to be an open one. We posted it all over our fics to give the readers a chance to talk to authors. We all agreed that the wall between authors and readers was too great and we decided to break that wall. It was awkward at first. readers come say hi and then left in a hurry. Some were so formal and shy that it was almost amusing to us authors.

Soon the awkwardness faded and the locksmithsunited chatroom was a funfilled place with regulars and irregulars visiting.

But, Locksmithsunited experienced a little bump. The acc in which we all shared got hacked and that kind of lowered MY morale. I felt as though I was responsible for allowing something like that to happen and I even disbanded LSU. But after a few talks, it was back up.... but only for a short while.

Authors began to slowly leave and none of us really had an interest in writing something that wasn't purely our own.

So, Locksmithsunited was flushed down the drain, but what remained was something even greater. The wall between readers and authors was all but diminished as the chatroom was even happier than ever.

Time went by again and just as I had almost stopped writing, asianfanfics decided to mess with me :\

When I visit AFF, i don't visit the main site, i actually go to my profile so I never know which stories a featured. On that saturday, I suddenly got a lot of comments on FFYA saying congratulations. I was confused at first until someone explained to me that I was featured. I went onto the main page to make sure they weren't joking or maybe it was a glitch or something... but sure enough, FFYA was on the featured stories list. 

I had literally refreshed the page 5 times to make sure that it was real. It couldn't be real. My fanfic wasn't worth enough to be the first taeny fanfic to be featured. Not only that, but a Yuri fic too. fics were mostly featured but here was my taeny yuri fic.

This boosted my morale up again btu also created pressure. With the rise in subscribers it soon became first in the msot subbed taeny fanfics.

This was beyond what I thought would happen. dalmtian and gg9snsd were much better authors than I am. dalmatian even expressed that she wanted to be featured yet mine was... 

Pressure started building and I guess this was when everything started to fall.

To me, all I wanted was to give locksmiths a little something to read once, give them a glance as to what my thoughts were. Even with 20 subscribers I was content... in fact overjoyed.

But now with 1k+ subscribers... I didn't know what to do.

I managed to finish FFYA but I was no where near the end of the series. I had planned to make a sequel (as i started already) but all of a sudden my homework piled up.

I took a few weeks hiatus to finish and catch up on my work and came back to update for a while. With so many demands for more updates, I was pressured. I didn't want to let my readers down.

But the lock around my imagination was slowly closing up again. No matter how much I tried to unlock those ideas, the lock just shut even tighter. It built a wall, password secured it, buried it beneath the earth deep where I couldnt reach it.

But I still tried. I tried to force my imagination which resulted in extra work. I ended up sick and tired of trying to pry it open again. My friend had told me that as time goes on, the lock around our imagination grows. Our imagination is still there, but with responsibilities and age it becomes something that we no longer need.

Honestly right now, I regret allowing the lock to form again. I want my imagination back. My childish acts, my wild thoughts. I miss them. But now that my highschool life is nearing an end, I have no choice. I had recieved lectures from my teachers as they emphasized the improtance of the next short year. I had heard these lectured many times before, but I guess it finally sunk it. Once I got my carreer one on one talk with our career guide teacher, I realised that I needed to focus more. I always wanted to be able to treat children, or at least help them. What I aimed for was to be a paediatric (childrens doctor). I guess that's how Doctor's Order came about before... But I suddenly felt as though my goal wasn't going to be achieved.

I started working harder and harder in my studies... which regretfully made my asianfanfics account neglected.

Everything just dropped from there.

Everytime I visit my profile, i open the 'add chapter' button but then reclose it. I do it so many times now that it's become a habit.

back then when i updated 7 chapters a day had turned into me updated once every month which then turned into what it is now

months and months and still no update.

I had completely given up on my guardian angel... I guess I never thought angels were realy anymore.

I became more realistic.... and I guess that's what they call maturing.

I hate maturing, but I can't avoid it.

I want to be able to laugh and joke around more but that would only jeopardize my future.

And which then led me to my last blog.

That's my journey for the past year.

There was nothing I regret more than allowing the lock on my imagination to grow because now, I have unfinished fanfics. I hate leaving things unfinished but I have no choice. I hope... I beg... I plead that once this school year is over that I will be able to unlock that dreadful lock.

Wait for me AFF... Bubbles will be back. Better fics, better ideas, better writing skills. I'll come back eventually... I just know it