I'm just going to cry...pour my heart out? I don't know.... but i am was trying to lose weight but ive given up why? you ask, becasuse my self esteem is non-existent. My friend found a cute guy on tumblr and he was saying how she was pretty and all this stuff and im like happy for her, but i realised that im stupid, im stupid for trying, for thinking yeah! i can do this when from the beginning it was never going to work and im an idiot for thinking it would work. I only realised today, out of 14 years ive only realised today, that im not worth it. I'm not pretty, im stupid and that im not worthy of having amaxing friends, that im not worth being there and making them look ugly, i mean when you see rotten fruits in the middle of fresh fruits, you don't buy it nor do you give it a second look.

And only today did i realise i am that rotten fruit, i dont deserve to be surround by pretty people, smart people and happy people... my friends don't deserve to have me pulling them down and making them look ugly, i mean they are all beautiful people with amazing personality's and yet here i am making them look dumb, making them look ugly.

I've decided to distance myself from now on, i mean why pull people down, when you can just push them up. I'll eat alone, sit alone, do work alone and just...distance myself...i mean no one's going to notice right? So i've just..... i don't care, im stupid for thinking i played a major role in their lives...so i'll just disappear and just, not try... i mean who cares for the person who is always happy and jumpy, she's always happy right?

I'm just going to go study now