my last blog as iheartlife

Omg, I can’t believe it’s been this long. I’m serious....it really has been too long. I’m not sure how many of you are still here, but please note that every day I was gone, I always thought about you all. I say this from the bottom of my heart:

I’m sorry I couldn’t be better.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the best Unnie, dongsaeng and omma to all of you. The fact that I still see messages from you all really touches me. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about the past. Why I came here, why I left, and what happened while I wasn’t online.

I’m not gonna lie. It was no picnic....but I realized something a few weeks ago that made me think. I spent my whole life running away. Listening to people that really had no clue about themselves but were trying to convince themselves that they were trying to protect me, they tried to talk me out of using the site too much, convinced that I was too crazy for my own good.

What can I say? I was vulnerable enough that they’re words sunk into me like poison and filled me with a fire I desperately wanted out of my system.

I ran away, that’s that.

I’m not gonna lie again. I don’t regret leaving. At the same time, I wish there was a way I could explain myself.

I’m coming back asking for forgiveness. For those that assumed the worst. No, I haven’t done anything rash with myself. I became a better person than I was. I hope you will give your omma a second chance to make things right. I promise I won’t leave without saying goodbye.

Here is the link to my new AFF account:

http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/240730

I’m hoping for a chance to start again. I know you’re probably thinking ‘How much accounts does this woman want to open?’

Well, I’m not really sure. I’m not using the other ones anyways (I kinda forgot the password). But anyways, I know I owe you all an explanation (or not) and I will....when the time is right. My wounds are healing well but they’re still raw. All I can promise is to be as cheerful and spazzy as I was.....

I’ll be keeping this account open for a while then I’ll close it forever.

Cheers to the girl who thought she <3 life.

She doesn’t love it but she’s grateful for being alive.

Comments

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Supriya #1 Nov 11, 2012 02:41:55

OMG! What's wrong?! O_O :(

Rini6189 #2 Sep 29, 2012 12:10:27

There's nothing to forgive here when you haven't done anything wrong. Don't blame yourself because of what others who don't really know you say about you. They just don't understand the pressures that you're experiencing because they didn't try to put themselves in your shoes. Before looking at others, they should try to take a good look at themselves and get to know themselves better. (I don't mean this in a literal sense.) Nobody's perfect. We're all flawed in some way. I've come to accept you as the person that you are (the good and the bad) after getting to know you better. You were conflicted with yourself and things going on in your life. The stress must be too much for you that you had to use some way to vent or release that pressure. You're not the only one here who's depressed or conflicted during a certain period in her life. There are some who'd found their way here in their state of depression to escape from reality. This is a great site to be where you gain friends who give you the support and the encouragement that you need to feel positive about yourself. Sometimes, hearing about it from an outside perspective is better. That person is likely to be unbiased because he/she doesn't know you well to be able to judge. I'm one of those who have done that for people who turn to me when they need to vent. I love all my true friends and dongsaengs. ^^

Welcome back, Dongsaeng. <3

hopelessdreamlover #3 Sep 29, 2012 08:17:22

I really missed you!! And im super glad you're bac!!

chloon #4 Sep 28, 2012 20:54:33

Welcome back umma! ^^
I missed you! Tell me your not going to go away for a long time again :'(

crazy4choi #5 Sep 28, 2012 20:27:06

i dont really know what to say, i am a child, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a woman, a wife (once), a mother (always will be), and maybe a grand mother someday......i wont be able to say that i am a good one, but at least i am sure that my existance is worth for someone.....please never ever said that you couldnt be better....bcause everybody can change, and deserve a second chance....be safe and be welll....

Kay_tea114 #6 Sep 28, 2012 19:08:52

FIRST WIFE I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD EVER SAY THAT IN MONTHS OMG

I MISS YOU, YOU KNOW? WHEN YOU MENTIONED ME, I THOUGHT, "NIKKI IS BACK."

Stay well, my dear. ♥

dream_keeper88 #7 Sep 28, 2012 18:45:27

^0^
Yo! Perhaps they are scared that Keeper will drive you crazy. Hahaha!
Welcome back

mimi10 #8 Sep 28, 2012 17:08:22

Of course we will but theres nothing to forgive when theres nothing wrong that you did to us D: you had your own personal reasons and issues and we will totally understand that. So please don't feel like your at fault because things happen and sometimes we cant help it plus that was more important that you had to settle. Idk if I made any sense o.O? Lol Other then that I love youuuuuusss :D <3

DragonG #9 Sep 28, 2012 15:23:27

♥ i will follow you til the ends of the earth lol

kpopartory #10 Sep 28, 2012 15:15:53

*tight huggles*
I hope we can still be friends.