I'm seeing everybody writing posts and I feel like some weirdo now.

Yesterday shall be a day I won't forgot, today too.

Yesterday: 

I felt anger in me. Sheann called me a douchbag and wanted to call me a tard for no good reasons. I didn't like that one bit at all. 

I felt sadness in me. Claire only told me to watch my language, what about her? That made me secretly cry the whole day in the toilet. I saw how a family love between a cow and Sung-chan touched me so much. Being vunerable is a scary thing, and you would need comfort from somebody. And you will start treating that somebody as your family. But when you have to kill that family member of your's, it's really sad T-T ohmygosh, I cried non-stop then. Stupid blocknose made it hard to breathe too.

I felt fear in me. I cried to sleep again last night/ early morning ( 1am-2am ) thinking about Sung-chan, thinking about how my life was related to his, thinking about how screwed up my life was and I will never be able to change it back. I was scared then. Thinking about how I ruined my life by not studying hard, thinking about how I would be the only one retaking secondary one. Or maybe, I'll run away from home, cause that's just such an embarrassment. I will move to the States and become a cleaner or something.

I felt calm and loving in me. The sweet people on Instagram tried to help me with my friendship problems and my crying situation :') I felt so touched by what they say. @onlyinfinite posted a picture and wrote "I ADMIRE  YOUR CUTENESS. Sungyeol says meow." :')  And Sam explained to me a bit of her friendship life, which did somehow help me, because she gave me advice too :')

I felt fear once more. Myungfartsoo wanted to talk to me about her friendship life, which I was totally fine with. Until I realised how messed up it was and how scary friendships can be when it isn't right. And after that, she unfollowed me :o lol

So, it was just mixed up feelings all day long and it was awfully weird because I don't think I've felt like this before.. or maybe my memory's just that bad to forget.

Today:

Got comfort by my followers again :') It's like my friends with their tlists, it just me and my homepage otl, I want to be active on twitter too. Sam and I talked rubbish about how I would see her future husband at her wedding when she invites me next time, and how I would invite her to my wedding next time too. We will swim to the pacific ocean too :) just to see each other, otl it will never happen D:

Salter was messing me up with my mixed up feelings. His life was actually much worst than mine and I feel bad by telling him I do not wish to speak to him about my life when he didn't do anything wrong. Well, he shouldn't have asked about lifes :( But he's going through a lot now, with so many deaths on the way of people he loves, it's so complicated and frustrating to hear such sad stuff coming from a person like him. I think I can die right now.

My cough didn't get any better, wow. And my medicines all gone. My vitamtinyeol was gone too :( Inter, under Doctor Junhee, stopped giving me it, because she thought I was better already D: nuuuuuu! I want more vitaminyeol to get better, please? Now I'm surviving on Nin Jiom, with has high sugar containt (?) , but omg heck cares, my throat is killing me, swollen much D': I die every morning when I wake up.

The heat is soooo soo deathly and I think I can die from that too!

And oh yes, another postcard from dear Sherlynn :'D I missed her lots! I wish I could visit her in San Jose! Juppp jup Secondary life isn't great for me, Sherlynn D: I'm glad you feel more settled down there :)) /hugs back/

My phone screwed up D: I'm unable to charge it, because it says it fully charge fml and then it dies, without me backing up otl. Everything will be gone when it goes for repair :'( My everything! It hurts to hear that, it somehow means quite a lot to me. I want it all back now :'( please. I'm sorry for somehow spoiling it or something wrong I did to it. I just want my data :( is it that bad? "Oh yes it is" otl

So now, I can only use my laptop otl.

And I realised that my grandpa is so busy that I don't get to even see him much! oh him and his calligraphy :)  while I'm just at home with my spoilt phone, seeming like I'm not doing a thing. Oh yes, I'm not doing my homework ,to be extremely truthful, I did none till now. It's freaking 11.40+pm now.. unless I start doing it now, which I think I won't. 

But many things are going through inside me okay, its so complicating, I think I'll cry for hours again before I'll be so tried of it I'll start sleeping unknowingly.

And to be very honest, I never really told you everything which happened on these two days, it's to scary to know, I shall tell nobody, unless I become a stupid kido and cry out loud for help. But it's serious stuff, so I hope I won't. I seriously do. 

Goodnight now, I'm going to crawl in a corner to sleep.