Let me start of this review by introducing myself. I’m Whytheglumface, or you can call me Steph. *^^* I’m here to just offer you friendly advice for your story which you’ve humbly requested for me to review. Please do not take any criticisms as an insult, but as an opportunity to improve your story. I apologize in advance if I have offended you in any way.

Title [6/10] Thumbs up. I like it. It compliments the story theme cleverly. However, I wouldn’t necessarily click the link if I happen to casually browse for INFINITE stories. The title’s good, just not great.

Poster/Background (9/10)

The graphics provided in your story were very simple, but were truly beautiful. After all, simplicity generally does wonders to one-shots. The shadow of a pregnant woman is a nice finish touch to the graphic as a whole, coordinated with some angst-colored background. Fonts were heavenly-like and were very elegant. One thing I didn’t love is the quote used for the poster. How should I explain this... It just didn’t do it for me. It wasn’t atrocious-sounding, but it wasn’t appealing either. Just middle-ground. So for that, I deducted one point.

Description/Foreword [12/20]

I don’t mind font color changes as long as it doesn’t become an eyesore, but the font color you’ve used wasn’t eye-catching whatsoever. I would recommend the color grey for excerpt quotes like these, not aqua green. It sent me the hibbly jibbles. It’s not really creative in my terms. Also, cut down the extensive questions. One or two is plenty enough. I preferred the hook more than I did the quote, though. I just found the quotes to be overly dragging, which is not the purpose a quote is supposed to serve. A quote should be defined and strong, and have the capability of leaving the readers at the edge of their seats. However, your quotes did not leave that impression on me.

The prologue was done alright. Vast vocabulary range: check. However, the thoughts of Sunggyu seemed to be redundant and repetitive. Going through penetrating pain, unable to leave his love one; it’s just a “classic knight in shining armor who’d do anything for his loved one-esque” storyline. Not only is it a very undefined, boring character, but it is, down right, overrated in the world of AFF. The main female lead herself is very cliché, having characteristics a Mary Sue is expected to have. I will elaborate a bit more on this on the upcoming ‘Plot’ category. I just thought I’d give you a heads up. Since this is a one-shot, I’ll try to avoid being so stern at the characterization, because frankly, the characters aren’t given enough chapters to truly express their real selves and shine.

Plot [25/30]

Even though I agree that this type of storyline is often used and very mainstream, doesn’t mean I’m not infatuated with these heart-wrenching stories. You’ve wrote it very beautifully, giving extensive, pin-pointing detail to the feelings and thoughts of Sunggyu, which I applaud you for. Though there were some sections here and there with repetitive thoughts, overall, it was well-hidden. So yes. Well done. Yes, this is a one-shot, so I understand the level of difficulty to include strong main leads. But I’ve seen phenomenal one-shot stories that have portrayed strong leads and also concluding the story as a whole to a finishing note. I’m really somewhat at the edge of the fence and gt-wrenched regarding the characterization of your story. Though I do think this is a very well-written piece, I can’t help but detracted with the lack of characterization. I’m contradicting like that. The ending note was well done, with a twist I didn’t expect. Good job. To summarize, I’m deducted 5 points in this category.

Grammar/Spelling [15/20]

Minimal punctuation errors.

Description

Sometimes, we have to learn the hard way. (It’s completely unnecessary to have ‘...’ in your foreword. Erase them immediately.

Foreword

“How have you been, doc?” I shook his hand... (Leave a space.)

...You’ll be a great father,” he eyed me in a strange way. (Leave a space. I will no longer mention careless mistakes like these. It’s up to you to correct these on your own, now that it has brought your attention. There are a couple sprinkled here and there. Look carefully and thoroughly at the dialogues. That’s mostly where they reside.)

I think that those are all the errors I’ve perceived!

Overall Enjoyment [7/10]

I... kind of liked your story. It wasn’t done badly, but it was alright overall.

Bonus [2/5]

I gift you two points for the awesome graphics!

Total: [76/105] or 72%