Bloodshot eyes, but not because she's cried. Just the feeling of fatigue setting in. Feels as if a huge weights been set upon her, despite the content laughs hours ago.

She keeps telling herself not to think about it. Beside's its happened. Perhaps it was a lapse of judgement for both of them, and a moment leads to another. The rest is unspoken.

Obviously, nothing could change after. Other than a few weird stares, she knows her life can go on as usual. As will his. Nothing can change. It would be too silly to let something like this end up being so monumental.

Despite what she thinks and tells herself, she cannot control her mind. And her mind thinks. And thinks. And then she remembers its the one quality that would drive him away.

All she knows is confusion. It's much too difficult to think about it. It's not black and white. There's one too many intertwining layers with too much outcomes. After it was just a moment, so why dwell on it.

It just confuses her. She's screaming why, why, WHY? On the inside. But reality is she's mute. He doesn't understand why you ask questions. You play along, because you're too lost in that moment.

You want to forget about it. Try to drown it in stupid decisions. But that itself is another stupid decision that leads you to a bottle in your hands alone in the dark. And of course, at night alone is when your mind thinks and thinks.

You wonder if the world is really such a small place, letting your questions have answers. But even if a meeting in the distant future is possible, you know you'd probably stay mute. Because hey, it was just a stupid moment.

One that your afraid to admit to yourself that you might have actually liked it. Not because that would make you vulnerable or let yourself get hurt - its past that. It would just make what you want to be gone too much of a reality. And perhaps change what you don't want to be changed.

See the layers? And this isn't even half of it.

So you try to drown yourself in this beautiful confusion. And turn your heart cold towards it. All in all, it's been bittersweet. It was interesting to say the least, killed many birds with one stone. You can cross these items of bucket list - but they weren't ever there in the first place.

So pick yourself up. Drown away that other half and wake up indifferent.