The right to cry...
Sometimes I wonder...
Do I have scars?
Do I have feel pain with my life?
Do I have the right to feel sad? And... Cry???
I always look at happy videos and listen to happy songs to stop my tears...
I don't like to cry because I feel like ..like... I don't have the right to...
I've seen so many sad life stories online, tv and know a few people that have a painful life...
...It led me questioning myself...
What makes my life so bad that I have the right to cry?
...I mean, there are so many people out here in this world... And I'm definitely not living a horrible life... So what right do I have to cry about life?
I have money for food, shelter, shop... A home...
I have both my parents alive... Even thought they don't love each other anymore... But I'm sure they love me...
I have friends to talk to, to laugh with...
I should be happy.. Or am I wrong?
... But why do I feel myself crying silently at night underneath my blanket? Crying silently as I take a shower? Crying... Right now as I'm writing this?
...I hate crying... Because it hurts those who loves me...
Since I love them... I pretend I'm ok... But behind my bedroom door.. Do u know how hard I tried to hold in my tears?
To hold in those horrible whimpering crying sounds?
How tightly I hold myself as I can't stop shivering?
The only way I can escape from these hateful emotions is from music and from funny videos
... I can't hear myself whimpering as music blast in my ears...
... I can't focus on crying as I laugh along with other people silliness ...
I don't get it anymore... I don't even know what scars I have from my family... What did they do? All they ever wanted was the best for me... I should not have any pain and tears...
I've grown up to be strong... Be the leader of my younger siblings... I cannot cry... I just don't have the right to...
... Sorry about this stupid blog I post... But I always wonder if others feel like I do? Am I alone?
... Just wanted to express myself... As I can't find any other way out of this feeling right now...
No bashing or negative comments please and thanks you ...
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