The right to cry...

Sometimes I wonder...

Do I have scars? 
Do I have feel pain with my life?
 
Do I have the right to feel sad? And... Cry???
 
I always look at happy videos and listen to happy songs to stop my tears...
 
I don't like to cry because I feel like ..like... I don't have the right to...
 
I've seen so many sad life stories online, tv and know a few  people that have a painful life... 
 
...It led me questioning myself...
 
What makes my life so bad that I have the right to cry? 
...I mean, there are so many people out here in this world... And I'm definitely not living a horrible life... So what right do I have to cry about life?
 
 
I have money for food, shelter, shop... A home...
 
I have both my parents alive... Even thought they don't love each other anymore... But I'm sure they love me...
 
I have friends to talk to, to laugh with...
 
I should be happy.. Or am I wrong?
 
... But why do I feel myself crying silently at night underneath my blanket? Crying silently as I take a shower? Crying... Right now as I'm writing this? 
 
 
...I hate crying... Because it hurts those who loves me...
Since I love them... I pretend I'm ok... But behind my bedroom door.. Do u know how hard I tried to hold in my tears?
To hold in those horrible whimpering crying sounds?
How tightly I hold myself as I can't stop shivering?
 
 
The only way I can escape from these hateful emotions is from music and from funny videos 
 
... I can't hear myself whimpering as music blast in my ears... 
... I can't focus on crying as I laugh along with other people silliness ...
 
 
I don't get it anymore... I don't even know what scars I have from my family... What did they do? All they ever wanted was the best for me... I should not have any pain and tears...
I've grown up to be strong... Be the leader of my younger siblings... I cannot cry... I just don't have the right to...
 
 
... Sorry about this stupid blog I post... But I always wonder if others feel like I do? Am I alone?
... Just wanted to express myself... As I can't find any other way out of this feeling right now...
 
No bashing or negative comments please and thanks you ...
 

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watermelon
#1
It's normal, my dear.
Honestly speaking, I have questioned myself this qn before.
"There are many people who are probably less fortunate than me but why am I crying and thinking I'm going through the worst ?" was what crossed my mind before.
I couldn't find an answer to my qn so I deduced the answer lies with our mindset. Perhaps because we are slightly more pessimistic so we aren't happy despite what we have.
On the other hand, optimistic and less fortunate people lead a happier life.
Crying may not be a bad thing because it is a release of emotions.
I believe when it comes to a point that you can't cry would be worse.
Don't worry.
You're not alone. I am like that too.(:
Try thinking positively/ sleeping when you feel down and wake up with better feelings within you ^^
Pardon my lengthy comment.