You probably know that feeling when you can’t wait to be adult. People will respect you and you’ll be able to do anything you want. Being adult is awesome!

I don’t want to discourage you but these things above aren’t true. Things didn’t turn good for me. Sounds depressing but it’s just like that.

My problems are probably too petty but I feel miserable anyway. The last month was a real hell for me and it’s not improving much, I must say.

First of all, I haven’t passed the entrance exam for psychology. I could expect that. The main test for the university consists of math and logic…even the people who want to study history have to pass this test and if it’s needed they write a “branch test” in addition. Now, looking at the poor results in the main test, I’m not sure if it’s worth to try that branch one. It’s sad that I know I would succeed in that one but with that awful score from the first exam I have no chance to get to the new major. Remember how I said that Nino in Tengoku de Kimi ni Aetara helped me to open my eyes and thanks to him I started to chase my dream? Well…I don’t have the will for it anymore.

Secondly…the man I like (I don’t know how I should address him, because he’s not my boyfriend but he’s more than just a friend.) was accepted to another university in another town. He said he’ll try to get to the university here too but… I thought I could finally see him just as a friend. Just as he wishes for. But just few days ago I realised I still love him and I’m really angry with myself. My mom is desperate that I’m going to be alone forever and I’m slowly getting crazy.

I’m in the middle of exams at my current major. So far so good. But I’m loosing weight too much and it’s not good. The stress around me is really incredible.

One of the worst things is I can’t write. Yes, “can’t” is the right word for it. I know what should be the next chapter about but I can’t force myself to write it. I’m very sorry but now I’m really hopeless person.

I’d like to finish the first chapter of Jinsei no Michi and finally wrote another chapter of Gaijin Tarento because of ai-chan and my promise. But I really don’t know when it will be. I’m very sorry. I just wanted to let you know that I’m still living and thank you for great patience you have with me.