I haven't blogged since forever. Or at least at this site. But even so, on all my other blogs I wasn't really consistent on updating them. But something about today, tonight, that got me making one. The funny thing is, I don't even know it. Or maybe it's not funny at all.

The few people I develop close friendship with knew me as a loud, crazy, funny, cheerful and erted fangirl. I've met some in person and they can attest to that. I don't want to say it's a front - because I really do have those personalities and I enjoy having them - but it's more like a positive and brighter side of me. So of course there's the sulky side. And I think you're about to meet it.

Tonight my sister goes out with her friends to drink and to celebrate her graduation. I don't think she realizes this, but it's her that's putting me in one (or maybe 2? 3? I lost count) of my most ty state of emotion, that type that makes me want to cry and really sulk in a corner. And I did. I remember I did, last Feb. 13, 2010, when I thought I was gonna come to a pre-valentine's day clubbing, ready with this dress I bought online. Only I didn't. Because she didn't want me to be there, though the rest of our her friends wanted me to. And that was the time I stopped trying. I stopped trying to reach to her. And it happened so many times over the years I just started not caring. Or at least I try to. Because clearly I still care. That she loves everybody else, that she'd rather be helping and doing others a favor, that she'd rather be taking other people's sister than her own in a dinner set up by our cousin as a graduation gift, and beiing with other people's special occassions, than her own little sister.

Alright I'm only starting and there are more more reasons now that I feel as ty as I feel right now but I just have to let this out. Pause cause I need to cry.