BLACK APPLE ASYLUM

M i r r o r  A s s a u l t

For the briefest moment she looked into the mirror

"I used to look like this…,"

"But now…"

Her fingers brushed the orangey blonde hair. Was there something wrong with her original light brown hair colour? She felt questions rise, and insecurities form as she wondered why he had sought out to change her appearance so much. Tears rimmed her waterline as she touched the piercings and tattoos he had wanted on her.

“Is this really even that y?” she whispered. “Why would you choose me if all you’re going to do is change me?”

Feathers seemed to litter her body. What was up with him and feathers? She frowned touching the industrial bar that skewered her left ear, a stud pierced just above it. Her frown deepened as she felt the various pieces of metal that had been pierced through her poor right ear. To this day, the little diamond stud in her left nostril still bothered her, and the dangling ornament that hung off her navel piercing was no better.

"Baby, the pain's all worth it." she repeated the words that he had said to her that day. How was this even being paid for, she'll never know. As for whether the pain was worth it or not, she  decided that it was undecided. 

She looked deeper into her reflection and her memories of before flood her….

“Heechul…” she mumbled, tears beginning to form as she recalled the day she was ripped from her brother’s grip. The memories that she tried to supress haunted her night and day and she had only begun to let go. So why, why did she force herself to go through this pain? Was he finally getting to her? He wanted a masochist and said he’d turn her into one if he ever got the chance. Did he succeed? She was sure her brother would do everything in his power to get him killed if he knew what she was being put through. “Oppa…” she whimpered.

She was brought back to that exact day…

She was with her brother at the time, and she wasn’t in the mood to talk. He kept pestering her to explain herself, to tell him why she was so upset that day. She held onto his arm tightly, remembering the fight she got in with her parents. Sure she wasn’t the greatest kid but they didn’t have to do what they did. Just moments earlier, she had suffered blows to every part of her body she needed. He pulled her out of that situation.

The school called again. At school, she was forced to pretend like her family life was stupendous. People weren’t allowed to visit. Otherwise they’d know what it’s like in that horrid place. Her parents were drug addicts and the only really sane people were her and Heechul.

A rough hand grabbed her shoulder and tore her from her brother. She couldn’t move, and she watched as they beat him black and blue, probably knocking him unconscious before he could see them. She never got to see them either. She’d never know who stole her that day. All she remembered about their beatings to her brother were the words they spoke of her parents. “They told us you’d be here. You’re here to compensate for their debts.”

The transport, she couldn’t even see where they were taking her. She was bound, gagged and blindfolded before they threw her into the trunk of their van. The road was bumpy and the van reeked of alcohol and drugs she was much too familiar with for her own liking. After being left behind in the van, she suspected a new team had thrown her into the trunk of a much smaller vehicle.

They opened the trunk, when they arrived at the destination. By that time she had given up on crying and prepared herself. She leapt out of the trunk the moment it opened. She had spent the car ride cutting the ropes with a broken piece of metal in the foul trunk, then she untied her feet and hid them well so they wouldn’t notice she had managed to free herself. She was still blindfolded and she managed to escape into a forest. She ran for as long as she could. They had stripped her of her clothing and shoes which had left her running in her undergarments. Twigs and sharp rocks had cut her feet, her hands were raw from constantly falling. Their footsteps thundered behind her, and she picked up her pace.

Her eyes shot open and she stared into the mirror again. Her fingers brushed her neck, recalling how they grabbed ropes to strangle her unconscious. By the time she had woken up she remembered – she was already tied down and was being prepared to be picked.

"He'll worry about me…"

She whispered to herself. She had never really had friends, and truth be told her only friend was her brother. Up until now, she didn’t know the company of someone other than him. Heechul had done everything for her. He got himself beaten so that she wouldn’t have to take any more hits. He told her she was beautiful everyday so she would stop looking down on herself. He sheltered her from all the dangers that surrounded her. For a man who was almost thirty – turning 29 in July, she recalled to herself – he should have been able to marry by now but he didn’t, fearing severely that she wouldn’t be able to take care of herself against their parents. But at this moment, her parents were the least of her worries. Their parents weren’t even worth bringing up so we’ll just leave it at that. What would he say if he saw her the way she was now? He would break down at how they had corrupted his baby sister’s body, at how much pain she was going through.

Her mind keeps fluttering and she can picture herself vividly…she can remember Kim Heeyoun very well.

She had always been a quiet girl. Taking the abuse she had always taken, she had learned to build a wall around her that allowed her to enjoy being in solitude, but also made her terribly frightened of just about everyone and everything. She wasn’t educated very well and never graduated high school because her ‘family’ couldn’t afford to keep her in school. The thing is though she had a great love for books and taught herself whatever she thought would be useful. She obviously wasn’t too good at math and related things such as physics and even chemistry. All of those types of things that she couldn’t teach herself, she wasn’t too bright with them.

She rarely smiled, smiling wasn’t a given when it came to this girl. She had always walked around with a stoic face, a face that made people wonder about her all the time. She only ever cared for her brother and believed everyone around her would only betray her. She was never too fond of the word family. Family meant betrayal and pain. She hated all of that thanksgiving where they were expected to be thankful for having a life like their own. Even her own brother who she loved so much, she refused to call him family fearing that he would bring her pain and betray her.

She never liked to open up to others. She hated it with every fiber in her body. Her brain ran a mile a minute, wondering what they thought of her. She was self-conscious and had always been afraid of what others would say about her. She had minimal self-esteem and always doubted her abilities. Her appearance was a big issue, she thought of herself as disgustingly disfigured with the scar that ran from the top of her right shoulder down to the center of her back. Her parents had always reminded her that she wasn’t worth much, and that no one in this life would ever want her. They gave her that deviation to remind her, and it did – every single day of her life, this Doll thing didn’t help the fact that she didn’t feel like she was worth anything but to be used. She only ever had her brother who would keep her chin up, and without him there with her she felt her eyes well up with tears.

She realized that she never really expressed her emotions. She just bottled everything up until she was truly alone and could empty all of her emotions into her pillow. Though there was something that always made her happy, and that was music. She would hum to herself to sleep when she was upset and she was always humming or singing a song to herself wherever she went – book in hand and hair tied up, she was like a school girl who just got confessed to by her crush – and it was at times like this when she was reading and singing that she could truly find peace.

She buried face in her hands and calmed herself with a little tune that her brother taught her called Sorry Sorry Answer. She could hear her parents laughing and living it up at this very moment. They got rid of their useless child, they must be ecstatic. Heeyoun, the one who couldn’t even walk properly without tripping her own two feet, the one who wasn’t worthy of their attention, she was nothing to them. Did she exist in this world for the sole purpose of being used for ?

Heeyoun took a deep breath before looking up at the mirror again. She let a few notions enter her mind. Perhaps it had been better for her to come to this place, the Black Apple Asylum. She let a breathy laugh. Did he have Stockholm syndrome that made her enjoy this place, was she protecting it? This place that made her feel like a , a place that made her relive the fact that she was worth nothing.

“Well…” she muttered to herself. “Not really…”

Upon entering the Black Apple Asylum, she actually began to feel. Maybe he – her Master – finally achieved what he said he would. Maybe he really had managed to turn her into a masochist. Did she enjoy the pain that came with living in this place? Perhaps. She had let her walls crumble and let a complete stranger enter her – quite literally in fact – and see her for who she really was. She let him see the humorous side of her – the cynical, dark humoured her. She even laughed and smiled around this man. She always reserved this side for her brother, the only important significant person in her life. Did that mean she considered her Master just as important?

‘Never.’ She thought to herself with doubt laced in ever letter.

She felt wanted like she was…worth something. She told herself all the time how she felt worthless, but in truth it was clear that she felt needed when she was here. A smile tugged on her lips thinking about how friendly the other dolls seemed to be though she didn’t talk to them, and tried to make them leave her alone, she was actually…happy that they made an effort with her. No one had ever done that for her except Heechul. She giggled slightly at the relationships that she had formed. Maybe she was better off here in the Black Apple Asylum.

Had the old Heeyoun finally disappeared? She was given a new name, a new look, a new home. She cringed at the thought of the word home. How was her brother? Was he trying to find her? He would never give up on her.

She shrunk back and scowled. What had this place done to her? She was enjoying this…this punishment? No, she wouldn’t let this nightmare consume her. She had to stay true to the Heeyoun she knew, not this lifeless Doll they were trying produce. She would never admit defeat to these monsters. She fought against the Stockholm she thought she would surely get. She was just a Doll even if she fell in love here, she would never have her feelings reciprocated.

“How could anyone love me?” she laughed resentfully as she reached her right hand over her shoulder to the top of her disgusting scar. “Ugly, clumsy, short, isn’t good at anything.” She continued to verbally abuse herself ruthlessly.

Her conflicting emotions were flipping her personality back and forth between the Heeyoun that came to the Asylum and the Heeyoun that enjoyed the Asylum. She started off always on survival mode, and she learned quickly that defying Master came with consequences that reminded her too much of her parents.

"I wish I had some more books, or even some comics would be great." She sighed. “You know, a cute notebook and some pencils and pens wouldn’t be so bad either. I mean, if I’m going to be here to serve you guys you can at least have the courtesy to give me something to write with. I love writing. What do they think I’m going to do with a pen and paper? Stab Master with it, or paper cut him to death?” she raged, saying the word Master with a mocking tone. Cute stationary – pencils, pens, erasers, all that shizz – made writing more enjoyable, but really just some paper and pens would do. She missed her stuffed animals, and the sand at the playground. She loved the beach. She had only ever been there twice, but she loved the cool feeling of the water from the clear ocean on her legs. Of course, she didn’t know how to swim, but she loved being in water. Despite all of this, she cringed at the thought of the heat. She liked cold or breezy days where the wind would blow and she’d just feel like she could breathe. The snow, the rain, and just the cold were her best friends. She loved to feel the warmth of blankets after returning from the cold. It was a far better feeling than being drenched in sweat. She was currently crazing coconut milk – it was after all her favourite drink. She wanted chocolate dipped strawberries, some apple pie with whipped cream or just something sweet! Home seemed a lot more appealing by the moment at that moment. She missed the pinkness of her possessions – pink is her favourite colour after all. After all of this tough thinking, she really just wanted to listen to some music. Oh how music made her life easier to put up with.

"I hope they don't make me eat any fried foods.” She gagged. She hated all things greasy, whether it was people or food, she hated it. Her mind wandered off to worse things. She hated cucumbers, oh god and don’t even get her started on the colour beige. She should be used to it, but she can’t help but hate being yelled at or hit. So as you can tell, her stay at the Black Apple Asylum wasn’t exactly fun and giggles. Especially since she doesn’t like revealing herself in any way and she doesn’t like making physical contact with people – let alone have with a complete stranger. She also greatly hopes that no one smells of vanilla. Dear god, the strong vanilla scents that are created for candles and perfumes are just too much! It’s got an overly sweet smell that makes her nauseous. Getting sick isn’t an option. She despises the state of illness, and liquid medication will make her feel worse. If you even try to give her Jell-O she’ll vomit on your shoes. The jiggly texture in is just gross. Smelliness is also a no, no. You’d expect for a person to not like foul odours, but nasty odours to Heeyoun are like torture. Bad breath, body odour, smelly food, bathrooms, it doesn’t matter. If it smells bad, she’ll avoid it. Being the self-conscious girl that she is, Heeyoun just can’t stand when people whisper and giggle to each other when she’s around. She gets paranoid as she feels that they are laughing at her. Dry skin annoys her, and so does getting sticky. She doesn’t like sweating, and god when she touches a sticky substance like glue, she’ll have to wash her hands immediately or wipe it on a cloth of some sort. The feeling is disgusting and she hates it. Most of all though, over everything else, she hates herself. She hates the scar that maims her back, she hates that she isn’t as pretty as all the other Dolls, she hates her mousiness that doesn’t allow her to say ‘No!’. She hates that she’s weak.

"I used to sing a lot.” She remembered telling her Master. Why she had told him about her life, she wasn’t so sure. He had asked, and quite frankly, she wasn’t up for arguing with him if it meant punishment. But it wasn’t as if she was reluctant to tell him. She told him almost too easily. She told him about how she loved reading, writing poetry, writing song lyrics, and composing songs. He had smiled at her warmly – the first time ever in fact – and she hadn’t expected him to want to see some of her work. She had laughed which earned her a firm but not painful slap to the thigh. She continued to explain that it would be impossible because she wasn’t given anything to write with, nor was she able to go back to her home to get her stuff.

The longer she examined this new person and the old her, the old Heeyoun seemed like she would slip away. After all…she was given a new name. Now she was Snow. So that meant this was her new life…

As reality engulfed her, she thought more about life before this…prison for the crazy and the innocent. 

"Snow, what’re you doing, baby?" said a voice from afar…that was the voice of her Master...

His name was Byun Baekhyun. 

She turned back to look at his face…why was he attractive to her? He was a satyric after all.

Perhaps it was that he chose her. Out of all the dolls to choose from, he chose her. She had hated him for changing her body so much, she had hated him for using her, but it didn’t affect the fact that he listened to her. Over everything else, he had made her feel wanted like she was worth something. He spat harsh words during , but he had always shown a soft side when it was just the two of them. He was demanding and strict which made him seem sturdy and reliable as if he could carry her around the world on his shoulders. He had this ability to make her open up to him within a week, the strange ability to make her crack up. He was able to appreciate her wry humour about just about everything and everyone. He had a habit of touching her scar, but he did so with such tenderness that sent shivers down her spine. It made her feel like maybe she wasn’t so hideous. Her favourite part though was when he thought she was asleep, he would sing for her. His voice, it was the most appealing part of him. His voice made everything so perfect. Dear lord his voice made her melt. Well, also when he yelled he had these neck veins that were so distracting and she had a strange attraction to them.

His face appeared in the mirror, as he gave a seductive smile. He caged her in; in front of the mirror, with his arms on either side of her…in case she tried to escape. As if escape was an option.  

"I waited patiently for you, you should reward me…" he said hotly into her ear; trimmers shook her small stature compared to the male next to her who stood just about a head taller than her.

He liked to talk, talk and talk. She didn’t mind though, she loved his voice. The words that slipped passed his gorgeous lips were anything but clean. It’s about as clean as a nun doing squats in a cucumber field. It makes her uncomfortable. It made her feel like he would actually fulfill all that he has sought out to do. And for the most part he does. He likes excitement, doing things that are out of the norm like changing locations, the thrill of getting caught makes him go crazy – like in a change room in Patient Valley. The bed becomes almost foreign to him since he never seems to want to go there – gets boring for him to always be there…unless it’s someone else’s bed that is. The word platonic makes him laugh maniacally. Asking him to be platonic in bed is like asking a preacher not to preach. He likes to utilize whatever is at hand – creative man he is. He is always dominant. It’s not even because Heeyoun would be completely lost if she was the dominant one, but because he likes to have power over what is his. He gets possessive and when she disobeys him, she gets the ropes. She hates the ropes, but if she makes him angry, that’s what she gets. Traditional isn’t even an option. It matters not of her preference, only his preferences matter. He will though in the end kiss each and every area that he has changed about her – her tattoos, her piercings and finally the top of her head where her hair grows – and though he rarely smiles warmly to others, he will smile at her. She enjoyed his rare sweet side, but feared his angry side more than she could love his kind side.

"Should we invite another EXO guy? Perhaps Chanyeol, or Lu Han would please you?” he suggested lewdly. 

"No," she answered uncharacteristically bluntly.

A devilish smirk formed on his pink lips signaling that he wasn’t angry, but she was in for it. It wasn’t as if she disobeyed him, but she did say no to him, and that was a first for both of them. He counted it as disobedience and she gulped noticing the wicked glint in his chocolate brown eyes.  

Before she knew it…he had touched her…and there was no escaping…

 

C e l l  F r e e d o m

When Baekhyun allowed her to go back to her room, she bumped into someone on the way. She remembered his face – he was nice to her.

They called him Kim Himchan.

He was an officer. He was one of the nicest people to her, other than the other dolls.

"Hello, Heeyoun-ah! Do you want to hang out?"

She gave him a small smile and nodded, thinking of all the fun things they have done before. Being an officer, he had the keys to everywhere. And although it’d be too risky to ask for him to let her escape, she just enjoyed the freedom she was given. He would take her to get pastries and other sweets that she liked free of charge since he’s on good terms with the bakers. They often go to places like the arcade where they play two player shooting games. She is terrible at those but it’s fun when you get really into it. Her favourite place though is when he takes her to the library – the two of them sneak in food and read comics and novels. There is a sound proof room hidden which he isn’t allowed to show her but he takes her there – leading her the way while her eyes are covered though to keep the location secret – and the two can just play music. She has her time for singing, and she just admires his skills at playing various instruments that she has never even seen in her life.

But suddenly a booming voice from behind her. She turned half-frightened because he sounded angry.

"– Get over here!" he dragged her aside. She didn't see him glare as he turned the two of them back down the hall towards his cell.

As soon as he locked the door she was thrown onto the bed.

"Who the is he?" he asked. 

"A friend," she answered weakly. He looked unbelievingly at her. She sighed and began to explain knowing he wouldn’t believe her unless she told him the whole truth. Lying would just bring more pain than telling the truth would.

“Well, it all started when I was wandering around. It was…it was my first day, and I didn’t know where everything was. It was his shift and he decided to help me, and he gave me a quick tour. He noticed I wasn’t really smiling or anything – though you know, I never really smile at people – and he tried to cheer me up and took me to places like the library. He’s really a nice guy Baek–” he cut her off harshly, bringing a hand over and holding her face firmly.

"Did I tell you that you could have friends?" he snarled.

‘Never told me I couldn’t either.’ She thought defiantly but shook her head instead to avoid any further confrontation on the matter.

"Stay away from him." She was banned from seeing her only friend. And she just knew life here would be hell. She cursed her parents for giving her up to those thugs for her to be transferred here without a second thought to pay their bloody drug debts. She cursed her ing Master for not letting her go around freely. She cursed the day she came to Black Apple Asylum. 

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Application for Candiesqt's Black Apple Asylum : 050512