I am about to give an in-depth account of what literally just happened to me on the bus.

For starters it was ten minutes late and I was not impressed, so it was bound to go downhill from there. It was prime OAP time and honestly the pensioners just herded towards me out of nowhere I could smell soap anyway I turned. 
Then after finally getting on and being sufficiently ripped off as my bus ticket went up 10p!
The worst part…
I thought I’d got away safely, I had nobody sitting next to me and I mean I was certain I was guaranteed a granny by my side for the whole journey but I would have welcomed a little old lady with fifty shopping bags to bustle by me if I had foreseen who would actually choose to sit by me. Bearing in mind there were empty seats available BUT NO.

A hobo. A legit hobo. A ing actual hobo sat next to me! An overweight hobo who evidentally wanted half my seat as well! I cannot begin to explain the distress I went through upon realising the situation I was in. I did what any human with a sense of smell and sense would do.

I practically plastered myself to the window using less than half a seat, trying to breathe as little air in as possible. Then, he started eating a banana! At this point I needed to breathe and almost choked on the foul air he had created. I wanted to cry in fear as he proceeded to mumble something at me loudly and with some irritation in his voice. I did what anybody would have done in my place. 

I pretended I didn’t speak english.

After about half my journey of praying for my life and general well being I think he got the message because he moved seats to upstairs. But you should know I don’t think I can fathom the thought of eating for at good few hours now. Oh my god.