? Rated part ?

aigoo ~ i just posted a rated chapter and i'm not so sure about how will my readers think. it was kinda amateur, no. it was amateur! can somebody please teach me how to write a good ? XD

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sillysera
#1
LOL ~<br />
thanks everybody !<br />
you all made me feel better XD<br />
gyuology
#2
oooh~ it's not really ... still... but it was good though. when you say , uh. how should i explain this. uhh. two people uses mouth and stuff when they have loool. it's really dirty at where ever angle you look at it. anyways. it was a good start! :)
mine2love #3
lol i agree with rudelysweetk<br />
<br />
it not ty at all ^^ its lovemaking<br />
<br />
blissful lovemaking ^^<br />
<br />
youre doing a good job ^^ cheer up!
rudelysweetk21 #4
hey i thought you were doing well even its your first time.. don't worry i enjoyed!! heheh yes more practice i guess.. keke <br />
keke it was nicely written.... it was not really like ..<br />
it was in the good term..love making.. i mean some are really dirty you know!!<br />
= something like that..so you should not lable as for your fic.. <br />
keke it was a clean and pure love making!!
babymichiie #5
Well, personally I don't think I know how to do that well? xD<br />
But I guess practice makes perfect?