Review for “Which color turns you on?”

 

Hey! I’m MinaFish or you can call me Mina~

I will be taking you through your story and guiding you to make it an even better one!

Okay, I always like to tell people how I review first so please make sure you read this. It’s fairly important, I guess.

Firstly, if you really want to improve and know what you are doing either right or wrong, you really should read the whole review. I know some people can’t be bothered, but if you want to improve, you should take some of your time to read it.

Secondly, I am not that strict! So don’t worry~

Lastly, this review is just how I see this story; more precisely it’s my opinion. Please don’t give up on writing if you don’t get a really good score on your review.

 

Okay, now I’ll begin!

I like to review in this order:

1. Title
2. Foreword & Description
3. Appearance
4. Storyline
5. Story Flow
6. Creativity
7. Grammer, Vocabulary, Spelling, Punctuation

• Randomly pick out a few chapters

        8. Characterization

        9. Writing style

        10. Ending

        11.Overall enjoyment

 

Okay okay, I shall start.

 

Title ( 5/5 )

 

I find your title kind of cute! It’s a title that I haven’t seen before AND it is original!

I like your title with your story! Firstly because, when I first read the title and saw that it was rated, I expected it to be kind of !!! But then I clicked into it and it was totally not what I expected, it’s awesome! How the girl has a disorder with colors and so on, I find that really interesting. So therefore, the title fits the story well!

 

To ALWAYS get a five out of five for a title, personally my advice is:

• Think of a title, but this title isn’t just any title, it not only has to be original, but it also has to be UNPREDICTABLE. By unpredictable I mean that the title doesn't give away much of your storyline. By all means, the title shouldn’t be cliché, the readers shouldn’t be able to guess your whole story just by reading your title. Of course, some writers give a title that is TOTALLY irrelevant to the story; they would get a big FAT ZERO! 

So really, GOOD JOB!

 

Foreword & Description (8.3 /10 )

 

I don’t fuss whether the description or foreword is in the right place or not. No biggy~

 

Okay, I’ll start with the description! Sorry I copied and pasted, hope you’re not upset with me ><

 

“So which color was it again?” he started questioning me, his lips forming into a devilish smile.

“Eh?” I asked not really understanding what he wanted from me this time.

“Which color turns you on?” he answered rolling his eyes.

“W-W-What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I know everything” he smirked and showed me a purple notebook, a very familiar one.

“YOU TOOK MY DIARY?!” I screamed thinking of everything I wrote in there, including my feelings for him.

 

Zero visible problems from me, well actually… The word highlighted in bold, you see? Well there isn’t anything REALLY BAD about it, it’s just ‘repeated’ would work much better. Since he’s repeating his words, you know what I mean? But not a big deal 

Also, maybe add, ‘I stuttered’ after “W-W-What do you mean?”

 

Now to the foreword!

Uhmm, well there are just a few things that kind of bug me ><

The diary entries… They’re a good idea and all, just how the background of the words is colored is a little bit weird.

If the whole entry was colored then AWESOME, but since you can’t do that, oh well :)

Next, the character posters were cute, but remember to put ‘Characters’ or ‘Featuring’, before the posters! 

Try to use more writing instead of just speech and diary entries.

But overall, it was pretty good!

 

 

Appearance ( 8.9/10 )

 

You had a poster, background, character posters which are GREAT!~

I thought that maybe the background and character posters could be more vibrant like the poster! Then it’d be awesome~

Again, the diary entries >< but no, you don’t need to change them if you don’t want to! I have realized though, the entries in some of the chapters are hard/annoying to read.

You always want things to be easy to read.

Lastly, not trying to be rude, but who chose the pictures for the characters??? Seoyeol’s one was alright, but the others are REALLY old pictures of the members O.O Especially the T.O.P and Jiyeon one…

 

 

Storyline ( 19/20 )

Okay, I LIKE IT! Really all I have to say about it. The whole disorder thing is awesome! Even better, the characters are ALL my bias in those groups!!! This is only judged by the first few chapters by the way!

 

One mark was taken off, because the foreword & description didn’t explain your story well enough. Also, try to explain the story in the narrator’s point of view rather than just speech and the diary entries. So maybe, you could add some explanation in the description.

 

 

Story Flow ( 5/5 )

 

I’m going to be honest, I haven’t been able to read much of your story because my internet is ALWAYS stuffing up. I will definitely read the whole thing when the internet is steady again!

From your readers comments, your story seems awesome! They seem to enjoy it VERY MUCH so…

FIVE!

 

Creativity/Originality ( 14/15 )

 

I haven’t seen a storyline exactly like yours but only ones with some kind of disorder. But that doesn’t mean your story isn’t original!

Good job~

 

 

Grammer, Vocabulary, Spelling, Puncuation! (13/20 )

 

I have to say, this section is REALLY important in ones story.

Since English isn’t your first language, I say that you did pretty well on this.

But there are a few errors that I’d like to take you through.

 

•  Some grammer errors eg. ‘I didn’t rose my eyes’ (Chapter 1)

Now, the tense that you are using for your story is ‘Present’, but in that phrase ‘rose’ should NOT be there. Remember, ‘present’, ‘past’ and ‘future’ SHOULDN’T be used in the same sentence unless necessary.

 

•  Some paragraphs are a bit too big.

Prevent BIG BULKY PARAGRAPHS. You can just change to the next line after someone talks to prevent so. Remember, only when sentences with the same topic or reason should be in the same paragraph. THIS ONLY OCCURS IN THE FIRST FEW CHAPTERS

 

•  Some typo’s/spelling errors eg. ‘I sighted’ (Chapter 1)

Always be sure to read what you write, or some really weird spelling errors will pop out. It should not be ‘sighted’, it should be ‘sighed’

 

• Weird sentences and structure. Eg. ‘I looked a little on the menu’

The sentence just doesn’t really work, the readers know what you mean but it’s grammatically wrong. It should be ‘I scanned through the menu’ or ‘I flipped through the menu’, just keep that in mind.

 

• Changes ‘person’ in the same sentence/scene.

Don’t change from one person to another in the same sentence, either start a new line and state that who is talking or just keep the same person talking from his/her point of view.

 

Okay, I won’t dread you with all these bad things 

I understand what you are saying most of the time, there are just a few errors though.

 

Marks were taken off mainly for the grammar and sentence structures.

 

 

Characterization ( 9/10 )

I could tell and define the personalities of the characters which were great.

Again, I haven’t been able to read the story properly. So sorry if it’s not right~

 

 

Writing style ( 4.2/5 )

It’s good, but smaller paragraphs would be easier to read.

Otherwise, great!

 

 

Ending ( 0/5 ) [4/5] <- Just rated on the story so far.

 

No ending yet! But OH MY GOSH…Zico… NO!

Very good so far!

 

 

Overall enjoyment! ( 8.9/10)

 

It is an awesome storyline! Just haven’t been able to read it, so your score would probably change after I have read it. 

 

 

Total: 95.3/110

(Including ending): 99.3/115

 

Very VERY Good in my case!!! I don't usually give scores more than 80, BUT WELL DONE and KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! 

It was awesome to review your story, and I'll be able to read your story soon hopefully! I'll be keeping an eye on your work, good job kiky00joker!

 

If you have any more questions and want me to review anything, just drop by my wall and say hi :)

 

 

Love from MinaFish, from Le 'Moozles♡