Changhyun looked over his shoulder, abandoning the view from his window to look at his nurse. He made a move to stand up but the nurse moved quicker, shoving him down onto a wheelchair. "No need to be so forceful," Changhyun said, cracking a grin.

The nurse clicked his - yes, his - tounge and ruffled Changhyun's hair playfully. This nurse named Daniel, yet who always preferred to be called Niel, was basically like Changhyun's mother - yes, mother - in this dreary hospital. Truthfully it was made to be lively and a heaven to all the sick kids within a hundred-mile radius but to Changhyun, it was just a hell hole. He knew for the rest of his short life he'd be stuck in hospitals. When he turned 19 (which was in two years and the chances were small) he'd be shipped off to another hospital, leaving Niel and all those two friends of his behind.

Niel began to wheel Changhyun out of his room when his doctor, Minsoo, happened to walk by. Niel paused to watch Minsoo, a faint blush tainting his cheeks.

"You should ask him out, Niel," Changhyun laughed.

"Oh, come off it," Niel scoffed, "He's much older than me and besides, he has a girlfriend."

Changhyun snorted and decided it would be best to not mention how Minsoo had broken up with his girlfriend over three years ago. Niel continued to push Changhyun along the hallways, stopping every few minutes to say hello to a fellow nurse. Finally the two arrived at the treatment center.

Two of three chairs were already occupied. In one seat sat Changhyun's older friend, Chunji. In the other one was his younger friend Jonghyun.

Jonghyun had only come to the hospital about two years ago while Chunji had been living at the hospital since he was 4 for various reasons. If he didn't die before he turned 19 he'd be shipped off to some random hospital for adults.

"Hey, Changhyun!" Jonghyun shouted.

Chunji simply nodded, the effects of chemotherapy already affecting him.

"Hi," Changhyun smiled. Niel helped Changhyun up from his wheelchair and lead him to the last available chair and with experienced hands, quickly attached the IV to Ricky's left hand.

Chemotherapy was something Ricky always dreaded. Even though he was given medicine to help prevent nausea and vomitting, it almost always happened. Luckily his friends didn't mind it.

"I'll be back before you know it," Niel whispered and hurriedly walked out of the treatment room.

Chunji let out a sigh, sinking back into his chair. He ran a hand through his hair and when he pulled it away, looked at the clumps of hair clinging to his fingers. It was silent except for the steady beeping of the heart monitors. Every few minutes Jonghyun's monitor would speed up and then slow down again.

Changhyun didn't like silence. It made things uncomfortable and he hated that. It just reinforced his though of the hospital being like a hell hole.

"So, uh, Chunji!" Changhyun exclaimed. "How was the surgery?"

Chunji blinked. "ty, just like my last one."

"The surgery is always the worst part, isn't it?"

"Chemotherapy and mifamurtide is worse."

"Yeah..."

More silence.

"Changjo, did the doctor say anything about your life expectancy?" Changhyun asked curiously.

"Six more months, give or take. Minsoo wants to try and expand it, though," Jonghyun answers casually. He shrugs and leans back in his chair as well, mimicing Chunji. Changhyun felt glad he didn't have pancreatic cancer. The though of dying so soon seemed terrifying.

Changhyun wasn't ready to witness death just yet.

---

Winter of 2011.

Changhyun and Chunji were sitting in Jonghyun's room.

He was dying.

Chunji gripped Changhyun's hand tight so he wouldn't break down in tears. Changhyun squeezed his hand back, and reached over to grab Jonghyun's free hand.

"I'm tired," Jonghyun mumbled. His eyes were drooping and it looked like he was about to pass out. His pallid, sharp face matched his cold and bony hand.

"No, Jonghyun, don't go to sleep!" Chunji said. "Stay awake, please! Everything will be okay as long as you stay awake!"

Jonghyun let out a breathless laugh. His eyes fluttered closed as his grip began to weaken. Ricky watched Jonghyun as he slowly fell asleep. It wouldn't be long now. Soon he would escape this pain, leaving Changhyun and Chunji behind. He'd be back though. When the day came that Chunji died, Jonghyun would come back for him. Then they would come back for Changhyun, and they'd all be together again.

Nothing would ever change.

A soft sigh filled the room as if acknowledging Changhyun's thoughts. The heart monitor flatlined.

Jonghyun was dead.

---

"I don't want to live anymore," Chunji whispered as he patted Changhyun's back..

Changhyun was leaning over, face hovering over a container. His stomach tightened and relaxed as he emptied out his lunch. He cleaned off his face and sat up, a frown on his face. "What do you mean?"

"He's dead, Changhyun. Dead! What am I supposed to do without him?"

"Stay alive so I'm not all alone?"

"You've got to be kidding me."

Changhyun shrugged, his stomach churning again. The chemotherapy wasn't even over yet and he was already getting side effects. Perhaps they increased the dose.. or maybe things were finally catching up to him. It seemed plausible. Recently Changhyun couldn't walk much without getting completely winded and having to use a wheel chair, and every once in a while he'd cough up some blood.

However, he was scheduled for surgry soon so maybe that would clear up his symptoms.

Chunji noticed that Changhyun was deep in thought.

"You aren't dying, are you?" Chunji asked quietly. This was when Chunji's childish side shone bright. He was more afraid of being alone than Changhyun and Jonghyun were combined.

"Of course not, stupid," Changhyun rolled his eyes. "I won't be dying for a long time!"

Liar.

---

It was another 15 minutes before Changhyun and Chunji were finally freed from the clutches of chemotherapy. Niel, wearing the usual face mask, limped on in with a wheel chair. Changhyun almost forgot that Minsoo and Niel were finally dating until now. By the way Niel's hair was messed up and his lips seeming plumper (and a bit bruised) than usual, Changhyun had a feeling those two had a "meeting" in Minsoo's office.

"Don't look at me like that," Niel scolded and whacked Changhyun on the arm.

Changhyun stuck his tounge out teasingly.

Another young man walked in, dressed exactly like Niel. He certainly wasn't a patient still well enough to walk on his own. The mystery man was the one who silently wheeled Changhyun back to his room and hooked him back up to the heart monitor and other various machines.

"We need to do an EKG and an X-ray of your lungs," the man spoke in a hushed tone, as if speaking any louder would cause Changhyun to shatter in a million pieces.

More weekly procedures.

Lately Minsoo had been extra worried about the progression of Changhyun's cancer and had been constantly ordering X-rays, blood samples... you name it, he ordered it.

"I won't let you touch me until you buy me dinner!" Changhyun said in a shrill voice. "Or at least tell me your name— I'm a classy lady!"

The man paused to look at Changhyun with an amused expression. He smirked and attached the stickers to Changhyun's chest, ignoring the boy's playful shouts to "Get your hands off of me! I have pepper spray!" but soon his shouts quieted down as he broke into a coughing fit. His shoulders shook and his chest ached for air. The man moved fast, pulling Changhyun into an upright position and tilting his head to a needed angle to help air flow easier.

When the violent coughing fit ended, the man stuck out a hand.

"My name's Byunghyun."

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me."

---

The surgery had been canceled.

Not by Dr. Minsoo's orders, but by Changhyun's wishes. Not even his parents, who had visited solely for convincing him, could do so.

"I'd rather die on my own terms then die by a doctor's hands," Ricky mumbled, pressing a hand up against the window in his room. Byunghun, who had been assigned to keep watch on Ricky, sighed.

"But if the surgery is successful, it could double your life expectancy by removing the tumor."

"That's a 25% chance, Byung. There's a 75% chance I won't survive the surgery. You do the math."

Byunghun walked up the the window, standing next to Changhyun, and silently stared outside into the world. The leaves had begun to fall, as did a light drizzle of rain.

"How does rain feel now, Byung? Is it still nice and cool, or does it feel different?"

"You'll feel it soon, Changhyun."

"Byung.."

His voice was so quiet and innocent, Byunghun had to tear his eyes away from the window and look at Changhyun. He was getting paler and paler, skinnier and skinnier, weaker and weaker.

"I'm scared to die."

---

LOL I dug this up all the way from January. I was reading this and I remembered how when I originally wrote this.. I was doing a -load of research and I know if I decide to continue I'll have to do even more 'cuz I was winging half of this. OTL plus since I copied and pastes this on mobile I had to format everything... ugghh.