Um, how do I start? ...................................................

 

Saturday, March 17th, 2012 - forever known as my first date that was technically not a date.

 

Here's some background first:

One of my friends was experiencing a break between her and her boyfriend and she was kinda in a depressed state.

So Saturday was actually gonna be a girl's day with me, her, and my best friend.

Ha-ha funny thing though - my first love, who I'm still somewhat friends with, texts me out of the blue.

He asks me if I was busy - I stupidly said I wasn't, knowing that short-notice hangouts between me and my friends never really work out. So he asks me to go to the movies with him.

I start going nuts mentally but I kept it cool and said sure.

My older sister was messing with me calling it a date: she can be such a dork. But hey - she cares: she made me double check with him about everything.

Turned out his cousin was coming with us - a guy who is a month older than my first love but still an idiot who smokes, drinks, and used to do some really dumb .

My first love invited me with him to help him try and lead him down the right path.

Funny ha ha - he only invited me.

 

Ok - moving on... And for story's purpose, I'll refer to my first love as J and his cousin as S

 

So J arrives 15 minutes late, but I was fine with that. I actually hustled my to take the quickest shower ever (10 minutes) and then used a blow dryer (another 10). He's sitting, chilling in the car, looking nicely casual. I felt a little embarrassed because my mom wanted to say hi to him - he knows my parents since he's visited my house a couple times. I noticed his cousin wasn't there. He explains we were gonna pick him up downtown - which took 20 minutes or so. I thought it was gonna be awkward between us - but he met me halfway by starting to talk to me. And then, I don't know how, but we became really friendly towards each other. Like the good old days... He explains the situation to me about his cousin, and I decided to help J with his cousin. It's only been a few weeks since he started trying: I know it may take a while. So we pick him up - in a ghetto area, I must say that, and J starts talking to him about family. And then it got a little quiet. So I tried talking to S - not that great. He's quiet as hell and doesn't say more than 5 words.

 

We go in to the theater after paying for candy and playing a few games. We then watched the movie - I didn't hear S at all. It was mostly me and J laughing or going WTF at some parts. I felt a little awkward sitting in between them but the candy helped me. After the movie, we went to a guitar shop where J tried showing S how to play a guitar. I couldn't help but feel kinda happy when I saw him teach his cousin - it was like a dad or brother teaching a little kid. I thought it was very sweet. And then J played - it reminded me of the good old days. By the time we left, he bought himself an ukulele.

 

After that, we headed back to S's place to drop him off. We stayed for a bit while J talked with S's mom. I think S's mom has been keeping an eye on J's mom or something. On the way home, I noticed that and asked about his mom since I knew about her. He obviously felt like not talking about it, so I switched the topic. J told me along the way that S was as quiet as J used to be - I pretty much said that that was a lie. The proof - I was able to hear J when most of the time I couldn't hear S. He then expressed a suspicion about his best friend's girlfriend. I found it cute that he cared so much about his best friend - but I understood why. J also made some valid points and asked me about her. I only told him what I knew - which wasn't much since I juist started being friends with her. But what I knew built his suspicion even more, so I decided to keep an eye on her. I also promised that I'd say nothing about what he said. Not too long after that - he dropped me off and I hugged him goodbye.

 

 

It's kinda funny... They call first loves "first love" because there will be more after it. But I don't think that's the case with me. I don't think that I am capable of loving anyone else. I think that I will always and forever love him. And only him... J - you have always been a huge part of my life and well, I don't think that I could have fallen in love with anyone better. You're funny, kind, sweet and generous. You have this confidence that exudes out of your words and your actions that always makes me believe in you. There are times when you are forgetful - but that's because you remember only the important things. That's why I was happy that day because you still remembered some of the things that we did that I thought you had forgotten - even though it has been over 3 years. You're the only person that I have truly and genuinely loved and no other guy can compare to you - not even any of my Korean biases (sorry Kyuhyun, TOP, Minho, and especially Dongwoon).