Review - Best Friends
Title: 4
From the title I could perfectly understand the plot. However, the title is not catchy enough. When I'm scrolling through a list of FanFics I would not stop to actually read your Fic, as the title is very cliche and commonly used.
Appearance: 2
Try to request for a poster. The picture of them is a little plain. I have absolutely no idea why you are using the CareBear background. Is it because your'e trying to show the " best friends " part ? You could also request for a background too. This way your story will look more " professional "
Description and Foreword: 10
You're description was short, sweet and to the point. You should mention a bit about the plot, example " This is our love story ", etc. You did not have a foreword. Why is this so ? A foreword will be one of the first things a reader reads hen clicking n your story and having one will make them more interested in reading it. As this is a one-shot, I cannot blame you much on that too.
Originality/Plot: 8
Well, can I say that this is one of the most cliche plots I have ever seen ? The story of two boys falling in love with each other and getting married. That is most likely impossible ! I cannot say that you copied another author's plot, as this plot is commonly seen.
Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar: 5
I hope I do not offend you in this part, as you said that English was your first language. Most of the mistakes you made were obvious tenses errors.
“I don’t know why a wimpy kid like you is even doing in our school. Your different,” I heard someone sneered.
“I don’t know what a wimpy kid like you is even doing in our school. Your'e different,” I heard someone sneer.
I saw the pretty boy visibly shake as insults were being thrown at him mercilessly.
I could visibly see the pretty boy shake as insults were being thrown at him mercilessly.
The rest followed his lead and was gone in a flash.
The rest followed his lead and were gone in a flash. ( You cannot describe " The rest " as singular. )
The pretty boy looked up, his cheeks was streaked with tears.
The pretty boy looked up, his cheeks streaked with tears.
I ignore the feeling and hugged him.
I ignored the feeling and hugged him.
“Wah hyung! How do you know that my appa always hug umma?”
“Wah hyung! How do you know that my appa always hugs my umma?”
Years pass and my feeling never changed. It’s been a decade since I’ve met SungJong.
Years passed and my feelings never changed. It’s been a decade since I’ve met SungJong.
I want us to end up together like how every happy couple do.
I want us to end up together like how every happy couple does. ( The couple is counted as one here, as they are already together. )
On the day I realized I should never feel the way I feel about you, I kept everything bottle up.
On the day I realized I should never have felt the way I felt about you, I kept everything bottled up.
*I’ve missed yet another chance to confess to you. I guess this is a way fate is telling me to give up,*
*I’ve missed yet another chance to confess to you. I guess fate is telling me to give up,*
I crumpled the piece of paper, containing all of my hidden feelings and my confession to my best friend who will remain as it is
I crumpled the piece of paper, containing all of my hidden feelings and my confession to my best friend who will remain as he is ( Hello ? You cannot use a " it " for a best friend . )
"What I mean is that I love you. I love you like how you love lemon candies because I know you can't live without them like how I could not live without you," I confessed as I kneeled on both my knees, in front of him.
"What I mean is that I love you. I love you like how you love lemon candies because I know you can't live without them like how I cannot live without you," I confessed as I kneeled on both my knees, in front of him. ( He still cannot live with him when he confessed )
JunHong hugged back before placing the skateboard aside before searching his backpack.
JunHong hugged back before placing the skateboard aside and searching his backpack. ( How can you have two " before " in one sentence ? )
You made quite a lot of mistakes, although if I was reading this Fic without reviewing it, I probably would not have noticed them, as they are very minor.
Writing Style: 5
I'm not really into , however, when I'm reading your story, I have this urge to keep on reading till the end.
Flow: 13
It did not flow very well, as you skipped from one part to another.
Characterization: 10
To tell the truth I have no idea what couple this is as I don't ship . However I could tell that you portrayed this couple very sweetly, as if they were really a couple.
Overall: 9
Good job ! You seem to have many subscribers and comments for a one-shot ! Keep up the good work !
Total: 63/100
Sorry if I offended you with anything, but I do hope that you can continue to improve your story. From what I see, It's a good story. Hwaiting~
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