So, I'm seriously thinking about taking a break from writing for a while. Or at least updating, or worrying about updating.
I hate the idea, but I just . . . I'm going through so much at the moment
just to be honest, my mom left . . .
but she came back a day later
now last night, was probably the worst fight between my parents that I've ever seen
and my ing dad dragged ME into it and then got mad when I stood up to him
really . . . really mad and called me just about every ing name in the book (that's all I'm gonna say about that)
so I hide upstairs in my brother's room all night and sleep in his bed with him
(*snorts* this really does sound like the storyline of some fanfic, right?)
when I wake up this morning, I come downstairs . . .
and everyone was sitting around the table laughing and having breakfast
without me
then, my mother proceeded to say to me
"I'm so sorry about yesterday, I'm sorry that I got you worked up over nothing"
and what did my father say?
some smart comment about me
basically . . . I was under the impression all day yesterday that my mother would actually get away from him this time
I was excited for her
I was ready to clear all the money from my savings and grab the stash of cash up in the linen closet and gtfo
I was so ready . . . and once again
my father has this . . . this hold on her
this awful, awful hold that keeps her here even when times are worst
and I'm not saying that there's never any good times . . . just few
very VERY few . . . and even the good moments are bittersweet (if you know what I mean)
so it's safe to say, that I ing hate my father
I never thought I'd admit it, or even think it
but I'm finally realizing that it's true
I still have love for him . . . but I ing hate his guts
I hate him for ruining my mother and stealing 25 years of her life
and I hate the fact that the only way I'll ever get away from him, is if I leave my mother too
that breaks my ing heart
it breaks me . . . 
and because of that I'm realigning a lot of things in my life right now
so yeah, that's what I'm doing right now, and I'm not sure if I have it in me to keep updating on the regular, at least for a little bit