I hate my life.

I hate that person I've been hanging onto.

I hate my first love which is that person.

Why the hell is it so hard to get over him?

Why the hell couldn't I go out with him that day when he asked me in 6th grade?

Why the hell did I have to say "I don't think my dad would be okay with it"? 

Why didn't I just ask my dad cause he might've said yes?

Everything could be different if I had've done that. Cause now I can't stop thinking about him and I can't get over him and I hate it. I hate it so much because I still like him soooooooo freaking much and I cry myself to sleep some nights because that's how bad it gets and it scares me that I can't move on. I mean he is like the perfect guy. He is noce, caring, musical, cute, knows me, and is there for me whenever I need him. I mean can you see why I can't get over this guy? I have been in love with him since I first met him in 6th grade and I delt with him dating one of my best friends I mean I just barely survived that! Now I find out he's going to prom with this girl (I mean she's like one of the luckiest girls on the planet and I'm happy for her) But why do I feel like this!?!? I want to just go dive into a pool of freezing cold water and just sit there until I freeze into an ice cube. He even freaking asked me what I was doing Valentines weekend and of course I got my hopes up but we also live like 300 miles from each other cause I moved away. I've tried dating another guy but it didn't work out but I guess it didn't help that he had the same first name. Argh, just someone kill me now.