I haven't been able to write a decent story for over a year since 2019. The last story I remember writing and publishing was a social media au on Twitter that I haven't even finished. The only thing missing there is the ending...

For the remainder of the year and the rest of 2020, I had a hard time coming up with content. It was a terrible writer's block. I would try and write but I could never finish. Ideas would pop in left and right, but the motivation is nowhere to be seen.

I was upset about it. I didn't know what was the reason. Maybe the fandom is tiring the hell out of me for having nonsense fights every single day, life getting the best of me, or that I was losing interest for something I have loved for a long time. Whatever it was, I let it go and tried not to think about it.

I found new groups to get into. I went on full-mode multifandom and tried to enjoy everything. The pandemic was taking its toll on me and I didn't have an outlet. I was binge watching seasons of dramas, learning about new groups, cooking, and drawing, but writing.

The thought crossed my mind. The lockdown wasn't lifting any sooner and an idea came up. I thought to myself, "maybe I could do it this time." So I tried.

I had my notebook and wrote the ideas and possible outline I could think of for this particular story. I made some visuals for the social media au for a start and had them saved in my Twitter drafts.

Weeks, months came and they're still sitting in my drafts. I never looked at them or touched them again until I found out that they got deleted when I was logged out of the app. I thought to myself, "maybe it wasn't time." It made me upset but I tried to move on.

In between those moments, I remember opening and closing my drafts for several times. I had new one shot stories for new pairings that I started but never finished. It was a tedious cycle.

Towards the last quarter of 2020, I'm already invested in a new group that is about to disband in a few months. I was loving every single thing I'm getting and this particular pairing is urging me to try again. There was a writing contest held for them but I never submitted an entry because I wasn't confident.

December came and I told myself that maybe before this year ends, I could write a story that could be a present I would give myself. I worked on a Christmas fic even if the season was over. My goal was to finish it before New Year strikes.

Guess what? I made it. Some readers even loved it, which was a big bonus. It made me feel relieved. My confidence is slowly coming back and ever since 2021 started, I have shared several story ideas and published completed stories. I'm still working on some of them now but I'm motivated to finish them as I try a new style that I'm a bit unfamiliar to.

I still have those drafts untouched. I'm not sure if I'll ever open them again or delete them completely. All I know is I managed to do something. Even though they're not the best, I'm slowly getting satisfied of the things I'm putting out.

I hope my future works will be enjoyable for everyone.