This is quite a long blog, but if you would take the time to read it, I would very much appreciate :)

CW: mentions of abuse, r*pe, mental health, violence—I don’t detail anything, but just a heads up. I'm not going to mark this M because the blog only mentions what I listed above and focuses more so on readers/creators and a bit on victims and some of the pscyhological processes that occur because of romanticization. 

Three years ago, I posted a blog titled “it’s just fanfiction”, which was me “ranting” about the romanticization of abuse, r*pe, manipulation, mental disorders etc. that was very prevalent in the fanfic community, based primarily on what I’ve witnessed on AFF. Three years later, looking back, while I think I had the right idea, I don’t think I tackled the matter very well, as much of the post was directed towards authors who were indignant about the criticism they received for wrongful portrayals of said topics.

I’m by no means an expert. I do think I’ve matured and understood more, so this blog today isn’t to attack anybody or point fingers, rather to bring forward an issue that still seems prevalent. I’m also a psychology student, and social psychology—in particular, victim blaming—is a topic I’ve always been really interested in and am currently studying. Agree or not, I hope those who read this will read it with an open mind and consider what I’m saying. Again, this isn’t to point fingers toward anybody in particular, but if you are feeling “attacked” by the post, I would suggest asking yourself why.

Deadlines, applications and fics aside, I felt the need to write this—as a “part 2” of that blog from three years ago, and I hope that instead of accusing, this can teach people. Thank you for reading!

Below are a few arguments and/or questions I’ve often seen brought up.

1. Can I write about sensitive/ traumatic/ controversial topics?

Yes! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with addressing or writing about sensitive topics. Some of my favourite movies/books have explored these things, and I want to make it clear: writing about an issue is not the problem.

What becomes a problem is when someone takes a problem that is universally (or at least largely) known and seen and experienced as traumatic and hurtful—and portrays it as the opposite.

Maybe you don’t want to do research. That’s fair, I feel that. We’re not authors publishing a novel, we’re writing for fun on a fanfiction site. We shouldn’t feel obligated to research in detail if we don’t want to or don’t have the time to. I did much less research than I should’ve writing my Cutlass trilogy—I still don’t know anything about ships. But if you want to write about issues that hurt and affect millions in real life, then you should at the very least portray them as they are: harmful. Not romantic. Not y. Don’t glamourize it, don’t glance over it—and if you think you can’t handle that, then don’t write it. There are so, so many things you can write about—if you don’t even want to accurately portray the experiences of those struggling with their mental health, of r*pe victims, of abuse victims, of victims of violence correctly—then don’t.

Bottom line: it’s very much okay to write about controversial, sensitive, or traumatic issues. Many amazing stories and films have, by bringing to light the reality behind it. But if you want to glamourize, romanticize, and minimize the very real impact they have, then don’t do it, period.

2. There shouldn’t be a limit on creativity. One shouldn’t feel obliged to limit their creativity because it’s fiction anyway.

One of the (only) things I remember from junior high social studies classes is how freedom comes with responsibility. I live in Canada, which is a very multicultural country. One of the most important “freedoms” people emphasize is the freedom of speech: I’m free to express my opinions and beliefs. With that comes the responsibility to respect other people’s opinions and beliefs. A very general example, but I strongly believe this applies to writing as well: you’re free to write what you like, but you have the responsibility to know that what you write may be hurtful to some people, and if it is, you should not publicize it. When I say hurtful, I mean stigmatizing, inaccurate, and disrespectful to actual victims. Because that’s what romanticization does: it disrespects and stigmatizes those who genuinely have suffered. It minimizes real pain.

You can be creative in so many other ways that don’t include glorifying someone’s suffering. If your only creative outlet is that, then maybe it’s better that you don’t share it.

Say something harmful or controversial? You’re responsible. Inaccurately portraying something that is triggering? You’re just as responsible.

Creativity isn’t a free license to irresponsibility. Not even when online platforms let you hide behind a mask of anonymity.

3. Just because something may trigger someone doesn’t mean it triggers everyone. Just because it triggers someone doesn’t mean I can’t write it.

This is true to some extent. Many individuals have different triggers. What may be enjoyable to me may induce bad memories in another person. I can’t filter out every single thing that may trigger someone and not write on that topic simply because there’s a possibility that somebody out there may be upset by it.

However, there are topics that are inherently triggering for everybody that experiences it. There isn’t anything grey about it. It isn’t “50% of people find this frightening, 50% enjoy it”—rather, victims are almost always heavily impacted in a way that’s harmful. This means that slapping a trigger warning in front of the content does not and should not excuse romanticizing it.

By all means, have trigger warnings. Even rightful depictions of events will be triggering to people—people need that warning so those who will be upset can have the chance to avoid it. But having a trigger warning does not give you free rein to glorify the trauma of millions of people.

TLDR: Many things can be triggering to people, and that doesn’t mean you’re responsible for warning readers about every little thing that’s in your writing content. However, topics that are inherently traumatizing to those who experience it are usually never positive to victims in real life should not be romanticized, and if it is, a TW is NOT justification.

4. What I write is fiction—that means it doesn’t and won’t hurt people, right?

This is and the next section contains the bulk of what I want to talk about, since it’s one of the most common arguments I see. This section focuses on victims and consumers, while the last about the content creators themselves.

When you choose to share what you have written, you have the possibility of affecting someone.

Words are powerful. Ideas are powerful. Fiction can, will, and has affected real life.

And that means portraying terrible things as romantic, enviable, and “hot” will affect people.

Let’s talk about victims first. There is so, so, so much stigma surrounding things such as mental health, domestic abuse, r*pe, etc. The media is partially responsible for how it portrays these topics, and those who suffer or have suffered often find it difficult to share their trauma with others because of this stigma. Many people don’t seek help because they’re afraid they’ll be rejected, ridiculed, looked down upon, blamed or not believed, and one of the major instigators of this is victim blaming.

One of the causes of victim blaming is, ironically, our motivation to see the world as just or fair. Many people unconsciously operate on the belief that if they don’t do terrible things, then terrible things won’t happen to them. A lot of cognitive and social learning factors play into this, but in short, when the outcome is inequitable and hard to explain, we often attribute personal responsibility to the victim. Rather than accepting that terrible things can happen to innocent people and that seemingly good people can commit terrible acts, people choose to instead believe that the victim was somehow responsible, because this acts as a reassurance to themselves that if they don’t do something terrible, something terrible won’t happen to them. If the world is a just and fair place, then that means the victim somehow deserved what they got. This mindset, in turn, can transfer to the victim, causing them to believe that they deserved their pain and trauma. People who have been hurt so often think they deserved the pain inflicted on them and don’t deserve help.

This is so, so dangerous and incredibly saddening. Bad things happen to good people. Bad people get lucky. It’s only a piece of it, but I wanted to briefly discuss how victim blaming can be decreased.

One study by Kent Harber (2015) had participants watch a distressing scene and later write down their thoughts. There were two groups: a group that wrote only the factual details of the scene they watched, while another group that was prompted to write and express their distress and the victim’s distress. A week later, when these groups were evaluated, the ones who only wrote the factual scenes were more prone to victim-blaming, while the participants who acknowledged their own distress and their victim’s distress were more prone to understanding. This has important implications: acknowledging a victim’s distress and the trauma they go through is crucial in helping us understand and sympathize with them. Suppressing our feelings and their feelings causes us to attribute responsibility to them, rather than the perpetrators. At the very least, we feel less empathy for their suffering.

So what happens when you write a story about a victim, and rather than acknowledge their distress, you downplay it and/or portray it as romantic? This may be, to some extent, worse than the participants in the first condition who wrote down the factual details. Rather than acknowledging the distress, you are portraying their pleasure. How does this affect those who consume your content, taking into consideration the results of Harber’s study? Although they may not be triggered by r*pe, abuse, or mental disorders, they are unconsciously learning that those suffering aren’t suffering that much, in fact they may be enjoying it. Rather than acknowledging the victim’s distress, they think the victim is enjoying or deserving of it. This begins a process of desensitization that slowly influences their perception.

Additionally, one of the most important factors in combating aggression is building empathy. Those who are given the chance to see things from another’s perspective are less likely to aggress and blame. But when the victim’s perspective is portrayed wrongly, when the abuser is portrayed as hot or attractive, we minimize their suffering and maximize their responsibility—and decrease our empathy.

Like it or not, romanticizing these things actively works towards stigma, and works against building empathy and the reduction of victim blaming. This isn’t directed at the fanfiction community only—many movies, shows, and books are full of glorified abusive relationships, violence, and wrongfully portrayed mental health problems. It’s not going to stop any time soon, but knowing how wrongful portrayal harms people—consumers, creators, victims alike—is a crucial step. What you say or publish in public will affect people.

5. Just because I wrote something doesn’t mean I endorse it.

That’s true! Writing about a villain doesn’t make you a villain. In fact, I would say that romanticizing everything I mentioned above does not make you a bad person. I’m not attacking anyone’s character. Writing non-con doesn’t mean you endorse r*pe in real life.

But sadly, it affects your perception.

This is tied heavily with the last section. We are so, so prone to being influenced by the content we consume, create, and witness around us, and this process is largely beneath conscious awareness. It isn’t a notion we turn on and off; when writing/reading fiction, it’s not like we have a different set of morals than in real life—rather, it transfers over. This isn’t to say that those who romanticize r*pe support r*pists in real life. But this is to say that repeated exposure to romanticization will make people decreasingly sensitive to the suffering of actual individuals in these situations we have romanticized, and possibly increase victim-blaming.

One of the most important aspects of perception is that it is based on our past experiences. When we perceive something, our brain will activate all the prior knowledge we have on it. The continual consumption of certain content therefore affects your perception unconsciously and gets activated automatically, meaning that many times, you don’t even know how much it’s affecting you until it becomes so ingrained that it’s difficult to change.

A lot of what I discussed in the last section is relevant to this, as well. I’ve always found it both interesting and terrifying how we can be so deeply influenced, yet so unconsciously so, and how the media I choose to consume can slowly but surely shape my views. As a writer, this is something that I’ve begun to keep in mind; the content I create and engage with affects my perceptions, and I need to be careful and critical.

So…what can we do about it?

If someone points out that you are romanticizing a traumatizing topic, use your discretion. Rather than defending a point of view, look for the truth. Is the topic something that is inherently traumatizing to all who experience it, or is it based largely on personal perception? If, say, someone finds boiling water traumatic and wants you to portray it as only harmful, you can gently tell them that you won’t—that’s a ridiculous request. But if you’re glorifying a mafia boss who manipulated and hurt individuals, maybe take criticism with a grain of salt.

I wish it were as simple as don’t like, don’t read. I wish it were as easy as being able to separate what we write, and how we treat issues in real life. The truth is that those who “like” what they’re reading can be influenced in wrong ways, and so can those who create the content. The correlation between what we create and our perception of real-life events is even more intertwined, which is why this is so important. Even if we put up TWs, even if actual victims don’t engage with the content we put out, those who do engage with it will be affected, which in turn affects how they view and treat victims. If we become normalized to abuse as romantic or possessiveness as “hot”, these perceptions begin to shape our actions and beliefs in real life.

I want everybody to consider the impact of what they share can have on people. Not just on victims, but on those who don’t think they will be triggered, yet are extremely impressionable. I want people to consider the impact—the unconscious impact—that their content can have on themselves. I want people to consider the countless individuals who have suffered, been hurt, been tortured, been traumatized, have their lives and relationships changed in terrible ways, have had their trust ruined—to consider them and what they’ve gone through, and ask themselves if their pain is something we should glamorize. Consider those who have, against all odds, spoken up against their abusers—and consider if their efforts aimed towards understanding and justice should be ignored by minimizing what they’ve gone through.

Knowing we’re wrong feels terrible. But like I said, this blog isn’t to accuse or point fingers or attack, because many people, myself included, are guilty of many of the things I’ve touched on in this blog. Rather, being able to reflect and introspect and change where we’re wrong is important and commendable, so I hope that, if you’re reading this, you can take what I’ve said into consideration.

If you’re interested or want to know more or discuss, feel free to comment below or even DM me! If you want to hear more studies regarding this, lmk! Again, thanks for reading :)