[Warnings:  THIS BLOG IS MORE FOR MY READERS!!!!  NOT edited, written in one go, I talk too much in this blog too, I'm not here to argue or anything so if I don't respond to your comment please understand]

Hi all! I got some important stuff to address today as you might have guessed from the title. This blog will mainly be about 2 (not completely mutually exclusive) things: 1) the Mafia trope + IT and 2) my older stories. A LOT of you have been asking about my older stories, so feel free to skip and scroll (way) down for that.

1. The Mafia trope + IT:

First of all, thanks Gingerdip for writing this informative and actually really nice blogpost about the Mafia trope. Everyone, if you haven’t, please also read Ester’s blog!!

It reminded me how I’ve wanted to talk about this before and gave me the push to actually do it because Ester I consider you a friend so I guess coming from you I just took it more seriously?? Hehe. So yeah, this is something that has crossed my mind before and I just never actually acted on it. Idk if whoever’s reading this knows, but I have an ongoing fic that’s has to do with gangs/mobs, and though I’m not writing about the Mafia, it is still about the same organized crime world the mafia essentially is.

[This is about to get long… y’all might wanna grab some coffee]

I don’t know what people think of IT. And I’m not sure how many people are gonna read this part of the blog but to clarify – this part of the blog is sort of a response to Esters in which I’ll be talking about my stance on this whole subject, what I think of Incredible Things, and how maybe you can think of it.

I’ll try to keep it concise.

On my stance on the whole Mafia trope: with what I know and how I think of things now, I definitely think that this is not a good alternate universe to build a romance story out of because at the end of the day, these people are not good people. Period. Thanks Gingerdip for elaborating on it in your blog and I completely agree with your sentiment that the Mafia trope and romanticizing it is an issue in many ways—most notably because of how they actually are in reality. Though in a completely fiction and absurd platform like stories on AFF you might try to rationalize them as harmless guilty pleasure, I definitely will not be writing a mobster AU again.

Now as to why I wrote Incredible Things: the answer is really just because I started it in 2015 when I didn’t know any better. I didn’t even really know how problematic romanticizing certain things could be until earlier this year when I joined Twitter and my eyes were opened to a lot of things.

In 2015 I was hella uninformed and hella minor. Back then even though I knew that idea of actually being with a mobster was ridiculous, I thought well this is just fiction so I decided to just run with it. I think this is a very reasonable line of thought especially for writers on this site. My plot itself also isn’t the whole mobster-kidnaps-girl-and-eventually-falls-in-love-with her trope which is arguably a lot more questionable – my story was supposed to be more of a fun romcom instead: mobster is also a single father with a 6-year-old son à hires babysitter à unwittingly begins to fall for her.

I brought in the mobster element because I was inspired by Mobster for Rent by Huntress hehe, and also because I wanted an action element in the story. You know, boy saves girl kinda thing. In retrospect, I probably could’ve made the HOC a government/private spy org instead and achieve the same effect with it.

But now I know better. If I had started writing IT in 2021, I definitely would have done things differently.

But I’m still writing the mobster AU IT, why? Well because to be completely honest, I’m freaking invested in it, and that there are a lot of people invested in it, and because at this point I’m 90% done with it.

Mobster aside, I like my characters, I love the chemistry my leads have, and I want to continue it even after a 3.5 year hiatus because I feel like the writing itself is reflection of my growth throughout the years. It’s also a good brain exercise for me. But if you’ve read any of the recent IT A/Ns, you definitely would have seen me talk about how I can’t wait to finish this fic (and move on to new things wink wink).

Personally, I think for something that's nearly done anyway, and that something being a nearly completed fanfic I literally don't benefit a single dime from, IT is ok to finish. Also, there are several guardrails I've implemented to IT because thankfully 15 year old me had some sense to make it less morally, psychologically, and culturally incorrect.

I'm not being defensive about anything, but here are some points that help me think about IT today, and maybe it'll help any readers too:

1. I created a completely fictional system for my crime organization in IT because from the start, I didn't want to associate Kai's mob with any existing crime syndicate. This isn't just about giving his gang a name. I created a whole fictional system with divisions, titles, roles etc because I wanted his organization to be separate from the Mafia, the Yakuza, the Triads etc. I did this because I knew I wanted to be able to bend and twist it for the better if/when I needed to.
   
   I think I’ve also been pretty careful in referring to the HOC as an underground network, or mob, or underground society OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT BASICALLY to help distance it from real-life monstrosities. I hope my fictional system helps to not underestimate/disrespect any trauma caused by the real mafia or any other existing crime org.
    
2. IT readers, I’ve always tried to portray the HOC as an org that would not bite if not provoked. From the start there was already something provoking them, little trails of random attacks that are all supposed to lead/correlate with the final ‘big’ attack (a buildup I royally screwed up actually :D). Kai was never on a killing spree for the sake of it, he and the HOC have been provoked from the start so what I’m trying to do here is try to portray them as a mob with conscience as much as possible.
   
   Also, there is literally a pretty main character who got caught in a crossfire and was instead exiled abroad for several years and not killed. Actually this kind of happened to two. This… doesn’t happen with the real mafia…
   
   ALSO: if it counts for anything - all main idol characters in the HOC were BORN into this life. Kai, as the lead, is and I've definitely revealed that. 
    
3. This whole fic is kinda jokes from the start because as mentioned, it’s about this mobster who has a son and hires a babysitter for him and ends up falling for her (LMAO 😭). Everyone who has read it definitely knows that this is NOT about the whole falling in love with your captor thing. I agree with Ester - those storylines are especially wrong. 
   
   Realistically impossible logistics aside, I always thought of my fic more for the cute scenes with a kid, and the cold dude turning warm trope, and not the mafia side of things. Which is why I said like if I had known better, I probably could’ve made Kai and the gang a group of spies and achieve the exact same thing lol. So for the record, I definitely was not trying to portray the cliche where the girl falls for the hot mafia boss who captures her, that sorta thing, because that never really sit right with me either.

I'm not claiming IT as an exception to the Mafia trope Ester wrote about. I'm not trying to contradict everything I wrote earlier. My point is just that in some major ways, I've really (even unknowingly) tried to make IT more morally, psychologically, culturally acceptable story. 

I wrote those 3 points out to clarify how I'm trying to think of my story, as someone who now agrees that mobster AUs are not good AUs to write a romance story around. What I want to say is that I’m doing my best to make the best out of the I started (thankfully even 2015 me had enough sense to set some safety rails that would enable me do that), and that I will be more aware and critical of the AUs I write about in the future. I think what’s more important is that now I know better, and that since starting to write again in 2021, I’m committed to writing all remaining chapters (and all upcoming pieces) with this new awareness in mind.

I'm sticking with IT because like I said above, mobster aside, that fic feels like a part of my at this point. Also, after everything, after coming back, I'm so close to finishing it. Writing all this may 'harm' my story, but I feel the need to say all this. 

Regardless, I do agree that a mobster AU is far from a good AU to write a romance story around. Like I said, IT was started in early 2015 when I was so much younger and schew pid. My views and opinions of today differ greatly from the views of AFF pre-hiatus me.

Ester, I hope me writing IT doesn’t make you uncomfortable with me or anything like that! I hope you get what I’m trying to say and where I’m coming from! And to my readers…

If you read this much for a blog, then you’re an OG neonflowers reader for sure LOL. Hi, thanks so much for sticking with me. It’s been a long time coming since 2015 and I only have about 8 chapters left for IT (thank ).

It’s completely up to you whether you want to stick around or not. Do what helps you sleep at night and please don’t feel the need to explain yourself or anything in the comments. If you decide to leave IT, naturally I’ll get sad, so just go and exit quietly please HAHAH. You don't have to defend IT anywhere. I hope my longass ramble and clarification on how I think of IT help in one way or another - in whichever direction it tips the balance of your decision.

Also, , this isn't a PR response or anything. I'm not trying to get you to agree or disagree with me. Writing this blog is already hard as it is and it would've been so much easier to just ignore this whole topic. But for my conscience, I feel like I need to talk about this. The point is I know better now and I will be proceeding with my writing with all this new awareness in mind. Please don't dwell or grill me on technicalities, and I hope you get the main idea of me writing all this. Go and read Rumour Has IT maybe? HAHA.

Ok now on to #2! 

#2: All my older works are currently on Draft mode or Invite Only and YES they will stay that way until I decide otherwise! (ETA included below)

Why?

Because I am no longer comfortable with the themes I wrote about in my older fics!!! *cough cough… teacher-student… people get jailed for that yo?*

Once again I was WAY too young when I started writing and reading (looking at you all you other questionable fanfics), so again, a lot of what I wrote earlier on I am no longer comfortable with. I hope you can understand this.

Other than the content, I was a ing child when I started writing so the quality of my writing is just… mortally embarrassing. I can’t even look at my old stuff without cringing, I’m telling you. I want to re-release them once I feel comfortable/confident in them again!

So now regarding my plans for these stories:

All older oneshots: These will stay drafted indefinitely, maybe up till the end of this year, until I get the chance to properly sit down, edit, and put up some disclaimers to them. If anything, I need to put up disclaimers for my conscience. I think it’s unfair for me to keep them hidden forever because that would be like me dictating your views and opinions, so yeah, feel free to read once they’re back up! If you have any requests to which ones you’d like me to bring back first, feel free to let me know in a comment or PM or wall post or something.

ALSO I’m at replying (not just on AFF trust me) but I do see everything. I don’t hate you or anything I promise!!!

For TPOHAST: man I made a little accident with this one yesterday. Basically, I was ping-ponging between drafting chapters and drafting the whole story and editing the foreword, and I don’t know what was it exactly but somehow I ended up sending an update notification.

To be clear: I WAS NOT ADDING ANY NEW CHAPTERS TO THE STORY!!! I was touching up the description & foreword a bit… And I was trying to make the story invite only.

So I ended up making it invite-only, and I thought this would be fine because I haven’t touched this story since wrapping it up in 2015 and I thought like… nobody would be reading it anymore because there are far FAR better stories out there omg??

But once I did the whole faux updating thing I immediately got a bunch of PMs, wall posts, friend requests etc no doubt all asking about it! So apparently… people are still reading. So what I’m gonna do is this:

I will be going through TPOHAST a bit and adding a few disclaimers to it to basically say that 1) This story doesn’t reflect my views today anymore blah blah and 2) I do not condone teacherxstudent relationships wtf, and 3) I’d recommend you to read something else but if you want to read anyway, please just treat this as a guilty pleasure of sorts and proceed with discretion. Enjoy and thank you for reading!

Expect TPOHAST to be back in about 2-3 weeks – if you’re friends with me you can watch out for a feed post about this.

You might find this useless but my dudes, I need to do it for my conscience. I don’t care what you think—I care what I think about me. And I really think I need to do this.

To end off, I’m not here to argue with anyone about what’s good and what’s not – this blogpost is mainly to inform. I’m not trying to dictate what you read and don’t read either, but I just need to wash my hands of stuff I no longer would read, especially when it’s my own stuff. Hence all this.

I hope you get where I’m coming from with all this! God this blog is as long as a short chapter itself but if you read till here, thanks for reading and see you around again soon!