Hi.. I am actually okay today.. pretty happy, a bit pessimistic, at the same time always grateful for all of the opportunities. It is quite late, so I am typing away. I had the opportunity of applying a job after multiple internet failures. I am okay and fine. I know someone who might be able to help me, but should I be hopeful ? maybe.. i just don't want to get my hopes up way too high, but sometimes we can be happy for once that we don't have to worry as much, right ? Truth to be told, job hunting is not easy, especially this time. Kudos to everyone who is still searching like me or even having internships. I'm so jealous of everyone having the chance to get a job. I do want to get one too. It doesn't matter if I work at restaurant. I enjoy cooking too. As long as I have a stable income, that's all that matters for me. Btw, I am typing away whilst listening to Teuk's TKY.. There are so many possibilities, but I don't want to get my hopes up. My mental health let's be honest has been ups and downs drastically, but I am okay today. It is okay to be okay normally. Exhaustion "kills" sometimes, but let's all hang in there. There's rejection letter today too, but yeah weirdly it doesn't bother me today eventhough it usually does.. Why i don't want to get my hopes up ? Idk.. sometimes god can have better plans, sometimes you can get rejected as well, but yeahh.. always good to ask for help, isn't it ? It is going to be long ride, but hopefully, there will always be opportunities to come. I just hope that there will be a positive news soon. Sometimes our times with God's times may be overlapping as well or may not be in the same place. But let's give time.. i have been pessimistic all day, but idk as it reaches the night, I just want God to accept my efforts and "process" them and just let my thoughts relax and run freely. I guess the best thing to do is to stay hopeful and relax for a bit. 

(I am a bit sleepy now too). Overall, I am okay.. I am proud of myself for striving again. But until when should I wait, God ? Just give me the answer.. PS : Heheehe.. let's stay patient... let God decide and do his wonders... 

I wrote this with the thought that no one would want to read.. I just wrote it for the sake of my mental health; as per suggestions of friends and family, and yeah community. So, I'm sorry if my thoughts are jumbled (I' m a bit sleepy too, now). 

For now, I am grateful that I did productive today.. so yeah 

Hopefully tomorrow will be better too... hopefully.. 

Sleep tight everyone..