Dear God.. 

whew it has been a long day... i just idk tbh.. 

i am glad that there are still some spaces and opportunities. I just need something to keep me through and going forward. I wish.. if my mom was patient enough. She always wants everything instant and it's now taking toll on all three of us. 
 

i am scared. I still wanna stay here. I still want companies to just give me a chance. I still want god to hear my prayers and wishes. It feels like everything is going well and not going well at the same time. I just want companies to believe in me. Eventhough I couldn't speak Japanese, I just want to work. Teach me, teach me ways to work. Share your knowledge. Why does language just has to be the barrier of all things. 
 

to be honest, i am not that happy nor i'm sad. I feel both today and sometimes helpless.. my faith is also shaking as well, and i don't know how long it will last, but i just need work. I need something to keep me going. 
 

my heart is tired. My stomach hurts. My tongue feels bland. But for whatever reason it is, i wish the pain and tiredness in my heart would not last long. I do hope that God would answer my prayers (hopefully quickly, although impossible). I don't need anything else. I just wanna survive. I don't wanna do bad stuff either.. 

regardless, i am happy to find opportunities. I just need answers and chances. I am hopeful..and i am trying my best not to self doubt myself too hard. Everything is hard, but, let's hang in there and fight. Let's make something big. Who knows, maybe on saturday i might get a chance (if God gives me anything 🙏🏼). I just want to work and gain opportunity. 
 

my heart is in pain. Regardless, i think i could sleep tonight.  Let's sleep well. You've did well. You did emails, job search, open linkedin, pick up laundry, dishwashing, cooking, job hunting until late at night again, studying japanese, reviewing hiragana, learning three rows of katakana. 
 

never let fear striking you from playing the game.

xoxo