Extras: My Monster, My Seulgi

A Blog From The Author

QUICK SUGGESTION: ONLY READ AFTER FINISHING PART ONE.

!! MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD !!

Hihi and welcome to my first blog post <3 Not too sure what people usually do on these but I'll give it a go.

If you're following my recent story, you'll know that I just finished part one today of My Monster, My Seulgi. ^^ I'm really happy with the response so far and can't thank people enough for loving my story. Some of you were kind enough to send me msgs on CuriousCat too and ask for advice. It means a lot coming from a writer with dwindling self-confidence in her writing. So, if you're reading this now, I welcome you.

This blog is mainly for my thoughts and will probably be used as an outlet or pit-stop to reflect on Part One a little. As much as I like to write my stories, I also like to talk about them too so forgive me for being such a blabbermouth.

For the people who go the extra mile and like to dive into the plot, characters, themes, this is for you. I don't expect many to be interested in an Author's Perspective haha. But for those that do, stick around if you wanna know about my inspiration, the deeper stuff, and my expectations in Part One and for Part Two. Plus some of my own thoughts and feelings towards some topics I addressed in that fic. Without my inspirations and background knowledge in film, I would never have been able to write it to the same standard. I owe it to my degree. ⭐️

beginnings

As the foreword already mentions, I started writing the fic in Halloween as a way to procrastinate an essay I was supposed to do. I felt bad not being able to see my friends because of lockdown so I ended up staying at home and watching a ton of horror movies. One of which was actually not Monsters Inc. because I had the idea way back then around September time, two months before I first published MMMS on aff.

It actually started as a pitch for a screenwriting class!

The assignment was to write a 10-12 pg script off any original idea. I was so stuck with it that I even resorted to using some of my seulrene AU ideas for inspiration (yeah I was desperate). But along the way, I came across my idea inspired by Monsters Inc. which went along the lines of:

Monster Under The Bed

(inspired by monsters inc.)

 

Seulgi is the monster/demon that’s assigned to Bae Joohyun. Equipped with the best scary features, she’s the top of her class in the scaring business. She’s been actively scaring Irene since she was eight years old. But Seulgi lives with a secret. Irene only helped her get to the top of her class by pretending to be scared of her. Seulgi and Irene’s friendship blossomed instead. Monster and child. Seulgi would visit Irene to help her hide under the bed from her abusive parents. She had to leave her without knowing if she would be okay, since she needed to be transferred to another child. Years later, Seulgi is assigned to another girl. It turns out to be the daughter of Irene, Yerim. Irene is now in her 30s. Memories flood. Monster and child reminisce. Irene and Seulgi take a walk outside and talk.

After rediscovering it, I wanted to turn it in for school instead (minus the kpop ofc). So here's what I extracted:

In a world where scaring determines status, a fearless and professional monster learns what it's finally like to be afraid when he hides under the bed of a young girl trapped in an abusive and lonely household.

This is the logline I used for my screenwriting class. Unfortunately, the idea didn't make the cut because it "wasn't original" (smh) so I had to use a different one. But this one never left my drafts. Eventually, I turned it over back to its origins as a seulrene fanfic. Halloween was the catalyst that finally made me start it. Turns out I'm extremely productive in other things when I procrastinate the stuff I'm supposed to do. And the result was My Monster, My Seulgi.

the body

I knew I wanted to write in first person POV. So I just went ahead and started it, jotting down everything I wanted to say in the initial process. It wasn't until I got 5 chapters in or so that I started debating whether or not I should've made Irene the monster and not Seulgi. It was because Irene's a mother-like figure and takes care of Seulgi in real life. In the movie Maleficent, it worked out the same way. But I settled for Seulgi to be the monster instead because part of me wanted to write what it would be like for an older Seulgi to interact with a young Irene. Most of the time you get it the other way around because of the in real life but I changed it. I guess I just wanted something different. Seulgi was going to be the monster anyway because of her personality. She's caring and attentive (that's her humane side) but physically, she's a monster and utterly ferocious when she wants to be. It's this small part in her personality that allows for a paradigm shift* to happen and pulls her closer to the fearless baby Joohyun instead of farther away.

About Seulgi's Role

In this fic, Seulgi realises that there is a lot to learn from humans and takes a risk to get closer to Joohyun. During the years, her perspectives about the company changed and that altered her way of thinking. She hated the company she worked for but knew she still had to work for them (relatable). She was still a monster that was put to use by a system that profited off fear for production and energy. Like in Monsters Inc with Sully and Mike.

After meeting Joohyun though, she realised it was wrong to scare humans, but still worked for G&G anyway because they're the ones that provide the portal and access to see Joohyun. She couldn't hijack the company if she tried, which was why her resentment only went as far as personal hate. (That's probably why I found it hard to end this fic there because there was no way of fixing this issue so soon. I needed to find a way to bring Seulgi and Joohyun at the same place and time. We just weren't there yet.)

Anyway. In Part 1, Seulgi's POV was about wanting to get to know Joohyun better and understand why she wasnt afraid of a monster like her. She was curious about her as a person. Seulgi wanted to learn about a species she didn't understand instead of judging them like other monsters do. That's how their relationship bloomed.

Parents

There's a pinch of Child Abuse too and incase you forgot, a child was left all alone!! At first, I thought: should I really add this in? I was skittish of the idea but I couldn't think of a better way to write in Joohyun's trauma. Her parents aint so naturally she found comfort in a monster. I settled for Joohyun to be adopted by two foster parents who were supposed to be dysfunctional parents. But in doing so, I realised that I conformed to a really overused stereotype with adopted families in mainstream media (ugh) the idea that step-parents are "cruel" and birth parents are always the "saviors". Like the evil stepmoms in Cinderella, or Tangled, or Snow White. (In this fic, the evil parent was the drunken dad. Boo me.)

This doesn't always happen in real life. Sometimes people don't have the luxury of having long-lost birth parents nor the security that it will all be okay if they escape an abusive household. Here's a regret. Looking back on it, I should've kept Joohyun with her birth parents and showed conflict there, not through her foster parents that were at least trying to give her a proper upbringing. I've no experience in adoption and how that feels like so I wrote it through stereotypical lens.
 

I guess it signified how lonely Joohyun felt growing up, which would explain why she felt a strong attachment to her monster, because she kept her safe and she never left her. Seulgi was a constant in her life, so that's how her needs became fulfilled which would, later on, turn into a deep love.

metaphors and symbolism

I'm a big fan of small details. The smaller they are, the better. Sometimes it's the little things that are more profound and can add up to a bigger picture. In this fic's case, I liked the nicknames I gave them. Bunny and Sluggie. With a little bit of thinking, it's not hard to understand why I chose to add them in. On the surface, it sounds so cute but with context, it means a lot more.

Joohyun calls Seulgi "Sluggie" to simplify her name when they first meet. It makes sense later on when she remembers Seulgi two years later after their second encounter. She remembered the horns, the wings and attaches that to "Sluggie". So far so cute, and understandable for a four to six-year-old. The real weight is added in Chp 25 Paralipophobia in this part:

Sometimes I forget that while she ages faster, I age slower in comparison. While she continues to grow and intimidate me with her sharpened intellect, I remain in a never-ending time stasis. Fitting almost, because of her pet name for me. Sluggie.

I almost feel like a slug in comparison to Joohyun. She's always changing--like a butterfly in metamorphosis while I stare at her from my place in the dirt.

It was the first time Seulgi felt inferior to Joohyun. Seulgi thinks of Joohyun and herself in one metaphor there. She was trying to remind herself that they're vastly different even though they have many things in common. That she's still this ugly, immortal monster while Joohyun was this pure human ageing faster by the day. She's a slug precisely because she moves/ages so slow compared to a bunny that hops away without a care in the world. I found that detail to be really interesting and couldn't not add it in. If you recognised it then kudos. It's really not a big deal if anybody did, but it's always nice to have people pay attention to the little things.

difficult topics

There's self-harm in Chapter 28. Obviously, I've made my stance on this pretty clear and once I hit that Save Changes button, my heart was beating so fast. I didn't wanna be attacked for writing self-harm into the story because there's always the danger of romanticising trauma and bodily harm for the sake of fanfic tropes. I didn't want to be that person. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. I thought I handled it well because all I received was praise and a couple of other ppl sharing their own experiences of self-harm. It felt nice to be with you all personally that way, besides being an author and a reader connected by a single story. These things are personal to me too so I wanted to be respectful. I was also editing that chapter on my period which would probably explain why I rambled on so much...I was very fragile and emotional that day okay!!

As well as this, there's death, explicit language and child abuse. I don't have to repeat myself about the child abuse, obviously, it's not something I want to glorify. I don't want to glorify car accidents or self-violence. I just want readers to remember that at the end of the day, it is just fiction and in no way intended to reflect on the idols either. But if people found comfort in being represented, then, by all means, take a piece of the fic home. I've felt the same with all my other fave fics and they've become the most memorable to me years later for how emotional they made me feel. I would never underestimate the power of feelings, and memories.

There's also a thing I didn't address yet. When Kai and Seulgi have their confrontation in Joohyun's bedroom, the conversation I wrote kind of reminded me of how kids often come out to their parents but aren't accepted by them.

“It's not me you should be worried about. It's you," Kai snaps. "You're sick, Seulgi. You know this is wrong on so many levels. ”

“Why can't you accept that it's fine?! Nobody has to know about this!”

It reminded me of someone incapable of seeing things differently. Kai's character was supposed to represent a friend turned adversary. I wanted to let people know that sometimes it's our closest friends that can really hurt us the most too, not just family or lovers. When Kai discovered that Seulgi was completely out of his reach, his reaction was to take it out on her instead of reflecting on his actions. Unfortunately yes, this happens a lot in real life and exploited in media too. I'm to blame for the predictability because yeah I watch dramas and sappy romances from the CW channel. It's always the jealous friend or the friendzoned guy that gets the joker origin story and becomes the villain. But unlike all the other disclaimers I've given, this has happened to me personally and I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of it.

That's why I had a lot of fun killing him and I did not give a . ❤️

so anyway, spoilers for part 2?

I rambled so much about my own writing. Sorry if any of it came across as haughty, I only wanted to pride the details. I've been doing this for essays and plus screenwriting is one of my biggest passions. I just ing love stories. About time I wrote one for a change instead of admiring them from afar.

Tangent over. What comes next?

I don't want to give away anything that I might regret in the future. I like having autonomy in my writing which means I enjoy taking control of what I share without being swayed by indifferences in the comments. There's such a vast difference in my writers' confidence with this fic compared to my last multichapter. I like keeping secrets! But I can't keep everything, that'd just be cruel. I'm still writing this story at the end of the day and it writes me back, so things are subject to change. But I can share expectations for Part Two.

It'll be different from Part One. Completely.

You've heard of TV shows or books or sequels that come back with a style change, new director or whatever and the same will be applied in Part Two or stylistically speaking (thanks to a comment I read), Season 2. I'm going to change how chapters look, probably make the average chapter longer than before. One thing I can confirm is that the background image will change. Chapter titles will be different, no more of this phobia stuff. (Frankly, I kinda got tired of that after 20 chapters but at least yay for consistency. And just look at how it ended on that number 30...a nice round number too....that was kinda satisfying.)

Right now, half of Part Two is in the drafts. But it's subject to change once I come back to edit it and write the rest. I'll let you in on a secret tho. Up until Chapter 24: Zelophobia, the chapters weren't being edited at all. The events stayed pretty much the same as their first drafts. Until after Chapter 24, the comment section was being very loud and had given me lots of inspiration to turn the events around. So from the time Joohyun turned 18, my original idea of having Seulgi go to jail for treason was scrapped. Actually, Seulgi wasn't meant to realise her feelings for Joohyun at all in the first draft. They weren't even supposed to kiss and Joohyun wasn't! supposed! to get! ! But I made them do it anyway. And that made the goodbye even more tragic, didn't it? (I'm sorry lol ANGST is the first tag.)

And because I hate myself, I renewed the fic for a second season.

There was no way we were going to get the ending we deserved just yet! So it had to be done. Signed my own death certificate because of it but whatever it's okay! :D

I'll redeem seulrene in Part Two. There are no guarantees for a speedy comeback as unpredictable as life is. A new semester starts tomorrow so I'll be busier with my own reality. Up until now, story-writing has been my coping mechanism during a long Winter lockdown. Now I'm back to work. But I'll probably find the odd time to write a chapter if I want to, as an escape mechanism or to procrastinate. Bc, that's how this fic was born anyway LOL.

final

It's still early to say goodbye to MMMS but I can already feel the end drawing near. 30 chapters is a lot and the most I've ever done for a fic is 16. I've poured a lot of energy into this fic so I can't help but feel grateful for all the comments and support in response. Also do check out other seulrene writers in the tag too, I've recently come across some new amazing fics these days. During the times I'm not writing, I still find the time to read. It helps me crawl out of the little angst hole I dug myself into. For any readers of MMMS, puh lease make sure you do the same.

That's all for now. Stay safe, wherever u are in this pandemic & I shall return! I hope this little blog of mine was worth your time.

Love, seulsorbit.